A newborn was taken home this week; a nine-year old received lavish gifts at her birthday party; and, of course, Danielle Staub was at the center of all the drama. Incredibly, she managed to come across worse than ever. That's hard to do.
Follow along with our Real Housewives reviewer as she goes inside the fifth episode of season two of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. As usual, the show was both nauseating and entertaining...
Sweet fancy Moses! Tonight’s episode was so crazy I actually felt stressed-out watching it. I got all hot and my heart was racing. This show is proving to have an adverse effect on my health. Reminder to self: Must take a Xanax chased by an entire box of wine followed by an entire carton of Blue Bell Old Country Ice Cream before watching next week.
Everything started out sweet... well, sort of. Teresa and Shirtless Joe (who, shockingly, wore a shirt the entire time but I still like that nickname) brought baby Audriana home. The baby got to enjoy sister Gia’s ninth birthday party. This was quite an event! Teresa hired a hot pink limo to take Gia and her friends to a spa to get facials, manicures, fancy hairdos, and then, oddly, to form a mosh pit and grind under a disco ball.
Spas where I live don’t typically have disco balls and dance floors, but perhaps I am just ignorant on this subject.
Let’s just pause for a moment on this birthday party, okay? When I was nine would I have wanted a facial and a fancy hairdo? Hell no! I would have wanted a homemade cake, a Pound Puppy or two, and probably a few runs down the Slip n’ Slide in my backyard. Judging by the faces of some of the little girls in attendance at this party, they were thinking the same thing. Their expressions ranged from excited to confused, perplexed, and overwhelmed.
I could so identify with the more freaked-out girls. Who doesn’t remember being invited to a birthday party that you instantly regretted attending? Some of those poor kids looked like they just wanted to call their moms and escape from Teresa’s World of Tutus and Insanity.
While I do think Teresa is a genuinely loving mom and I know she only wants what is best for her daughters, she is teaching them from infancy that materialism is the greatest value one can possess. She brags to us, “Gia is my oldest and it’s her ninth birthday today. And of all my daughters she is the most high-maintenance, so I want her party to be an event to remember.”
Umm... maybe she’s so high-maintenance because you insist on making everything an “event to remember." If you didn’t make such a big stink over every little thing, your daughter wouldn’t be a “diva." Teresa goes on to say, “Gia is a total girly-girl. Teresa only raises divas, not tomboys.”
Being a diva isn’t like being born with brown eyes; one has some control over it. Teresa seems essentially kind and sweet, but I really do wonder what her daughters will be like when they grow up. I imagine they won’t be what Teresa is hoping for.
But let’s move on to the focus of tonight’s episode: The Showdown at the Brownstone!