Hilton Hater

Hilton Hater

I am a senior staff writer at THG and a big fan of Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber and Robert Pattinson. I believe Kim Kardashian is bad for society, but great for attention, and that The Real Housewives should all be banned from existence.

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Ke$ha is inspired by transvestites.

In a new interview with Paper Magazine, she says:

"Trannies make me want to be a better woman. I see these men who have way better bodies than I do, more beautiful faces, better complexions, beautiful makeup, and they're more fun than any person I've met in my life. They make me feel like I'm not a very good woman."

That's an unusual point of view from an unusual artist.

Let's take a look at what else Ke$ha had to say to that publication:

On trying country music: I love Dolly Parton and Johnny Cash. I think at some point there might be some country collaborations or records in the future. But I'm also really digging being called, like half jokingly, a white girl rapper. I think it's really funny and I'm going to ride that train for a little bit.

On one of her favorite things: I wouldn't say I'm aggressive, but I'm a pervert. I have a gold Trans Am and my favorite thing to do in the world is to drive around blasting Zeppelin or Sabbath, cat calling dudes. It doesn't work, but it's fun.

On her favorite drinks: I like whiskey and I like red wine -  those are my two favorites. I love to lie around my house listening to vinyl records and drinking red wine. It's amazing.

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Cheryl Cole is feeling much better.

The gorgeous singer, who came down with malaria a few weeks ago, will return to her seat on The X-Factor judging table this week.

Cheryl Cole and Derek Hough on Stage

"Cheryl loves the show and is desperate to get back to work," says a friend. "She's under doctors' orders to that it easy. But it's a big step that she's back on board."

Following a trip to Tanzania with boyfriend Derek Hough last month, Cole spent a week in intensive care due to this disease. But she'll return for the British version of American Idol in time for the elimination stage.

Said the insider: "She has put all her energy into getting better and it's paid off. Simon has told her he can't wait to have her back."

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There was no hair-pulling or police called to the scene this week on The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

So, what did go down? That's a question for our Real Housewives correspondent. She dishes on last night's episode below...

Tonight’s episode began with a sweet and wholesome family night at the Giudices’ Macaroni Mansion.  The girls are playing Monopoly with Teresa and Shirtless Joe.  The irony of any member of the Giudice family playing a game that involves managing money does not go unnoticed.  Evidently the Lord and Lady of the manor will soon celebrate their 10th anniversary. 

We realize it’s taken this unfortunate pair just ten short years to blow through millions and millions of dollars... dollars they didn’t have in the first place.

The Housewives Girl

Across town at Danielle’s crumbling lair she is hatching a plan…it is a plan to gain total world dominance using her radioactive breast implants.  No, actually it’s a plan to celebrate her daughter Christine’s Sweet 16 without actually using any of her own money.  “Amazingly I’ve never had a birthday party thrown for me until I turned 47 years old,” she tells us.  Perhaps this is because no one likes you and you have no friends?

Christine wants to donate any money she “earns” at the party to charity.  Danielle is smugly proud of this fact as if she herself is donating money to charity.  “My children are living by my example,” she proudly states.  What example is that, exactly?  Usually you create mayhem at charity events.  Is this what you hope your daughters learn from you?  Yowsers.

Cute freckled little sis Jillian, already a singer-songwriter at age eleven, is planning her debut performance at the soiree.  Mommy Dearest is intent that Jillian sing in front of hundreds of guests (most are being paid to show up, I assume) despite the fact that the child breaks down in a rehearsal and says she doesn’t want to do it.

Teresa and Baby

Later, Jacqueline and her husband, Silent Bob, go to visit the Giudice pile o’ bricks.  Much discussion about Teresa’s possible anniversary gift ensues.  No one mentions a gift for Shirtless Joe.  “I want him to surprise me.  I want him to really, like, make it big,” Teresa says.  Shirtless Joe slurs, “She wants this friggin’ diamond…(unintelligible muttering)… I don’t know.  We’ll see.” 

Teresa doesn’t need “a crown jewel”, though, because she’s “not an Arabic.”  Unfortunately, buying a nice chunk of cubic zirconium might be more feasible because Shirtless admits that money “is just trickling” in right now.  How sad for them.

Inspiringly, Crown Prince Albie has decided to join the Police Academy “while my law school career is on hold.”  He goes on to explain, “You learn how to, you know, arrest someone and what happens after they’re arrested.”  We are so lucky to have this Albie around answering all of life’s tough questions. 

I always wondered what police trainees were taught in police school.  He thinks this will really help him when he becomes a lawyer because, “I’ll know what a cop’s thinking.”

As usual, Caroline is just barely keeping herself from giggling girlishly and swooning at her son’s feet. She’s all hot and bothered about the prospect of her son dressed up like a real Man of the Law, complete with a night stick with which to knock her around a bit.  “He’s cute as it is.  Can you imagine him in a uniform?  Good God!”  She’s blushing and sweating and it’s so profoundly odd I don’t even really know what else to say.

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What inappropriate, desperate, pathetic image?!?

According to former pop star Tiffany, Miley Cyrus is doing nothing wrong in her attempt to reshape her image and find a more mature audience.

"Miley Cyrus is on a great track," the singer told Us Weekly over the weekend. "I know that there are a lot of people that say 'well, when you are so young you shouldn't be sexy.' [But] I think that in today's world you kind of have to be [sexy] to be competitive in the market.

"I think that she is doing  it appropriately.  And it's always a fine line there."

Tiffany

Tiffany, who posed for Playboy in 2002, concluded:

"I'm a huge fan of hers. I think she's gonna have a long career. Her parents are guiding her right, and it really matters what base you have around you.  Very much so."

It's safe to say Taylor Momsen doesn't agree with Tiffany. Do you?

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Demi Lovato has a new album in the works and she has a crazy idea for it:

The 18-year old will let her music speak for her.

When asked if fans would be treated to a drastically different side to the singer, Lovato told E! News: "I don't think it's going to change my image. It's going to be what you're seeing of me right now. It's going to be very Demi."

Demi L.

Lovato added that the CD will be "more mature... definitely grown up, but in a classy way."

Mature and classy?!? Those are two words Miley Cyrus has never heard of.

We admire Demi's take on the music scene. Now, if we could only change her opinion on her fashion icon.

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With Khloe Kardashian still MIA from the show that carries her name, the focus this week turned to good ol' Scott Disick.

Read on to see what the THG intern stuck reviewing Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami thought of last night's installment...

Kim Waving

Is Khloe off the show now?  Not that it matters much, since Scott is the spotlight of this scripted reality show.  Cue the ominous music, Hurricane Scott is about to hit South Florida!

In the filler episode, “Kourtney’s Denial,” Mr. Disick is constantly MIA, just like the name of his club.  Kourtney says she doesn’t care, Scott doesn’t need a babysitter, etc etc.  Then the evidence continues to mount against him.

Kim is working at the Dash.  The Dash actresses are talking about running into Scott out at night.  Kim conveniently overhears.  She reports back to Kourtney.  Kim wants Kourtney to open her heavily made up eyes and realize she’s living the life of a single mother. 

Ummm, don’t they have nannies?

Kim is also missing some expensive wine and assumes it’s Scott. Scott says he didn’t take it and Kourtney later finds the empty bottles on the roof.  How strategically placed!  Well done, E! 

After an adorable Kardashian/Jenner montage of family member bashing Scott, Kourt realizes perhaps he is just a tad out of control.

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Sex and the City 2 received worse reviews than Danielle Staub Raw.

Therefore, even the most diehard fan of this franchise should probably be relieved that a third installment is likely not on the way, as Kristin Davis was asked about it this week and told E! News:

Tokyo Premiere

"I don't think so, not that I know of. I wish it was so that we were continuing but I don't know."

Davis grew defense when the topic of the film's poor reviews and poor box office take were broached, saying: "We made 300 million internationally. There was so much hype, not coming from us, but the media hyped it up and then they tore it down."

They tore it down because it was awful and insulting! The characters, once so relatable to women around the world, have become grotesque, shallow and self-centered.

Who thought it was a good idea to watch Carrie and company flaunt their wealth and their cultural ignorance in the Middle East throughout the sequel?

With Davis saying Sex and the City 3 "is not looking great," we say: good riddance.

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While reports start to spread about Lindsay Lohan's greatly reduced prison term, the troubled actress can look to Alexis Neiers for inspiration.

That E! reality star was freed from jail yesterday after serving just 30 days of a 180-day sentence. She was arrested earlier this year for her part in the "bling ring," as a bunch of morons went around stealing from celebrities.

Neiers has released this statement:

"I've had time to reflect on my life and the choices that led me to this experience, left alone in my cell 23 hours a day and having everything stripped away but the bare essentials. I did a lot of soul searching. I feel very humbled and see my life in a way that I have come to be very grateful for and I am also grateful to everyone who has helped and supported me through this.

I am committed to talking to teens and encouraging them to become goal oriented and participate in positive activities that give back to their world."

You can catch Alexis on the show Pretty Wild. You can also start searching for a life and some hobbies if you actually spend your time doing this.

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Miley Cyrus and Taylor Momsen may pretend as if they're especially mature 16 and 17-year olds, but at the end of the day, it's clear: they're just like any two feuding teenage girls.

It all started a couple weeks ago, when the Gossip Girl actress and The Pretty Reckless frontwoman implied that Miley was part of "Disney bubblegum shit" taking over the airwaves and said she was sick of comparisons between the pair.

Miley Strolls

In response to those comments, a source tells Heat magazine "Miley is furious." He added:

"She thought Taylor was pretty cool until this happened, which has left her totally confused. Taylor is so obviously desperate for fame. I mean, she's traipsing around town in her underwear, or is that for the love of the music too?"

Wait... did someone close to Miley Cyrus just accuse another artist of dressing scantily in order to make headlines? Excuse us while we laugh hysterically over such hypocrisy....

Perhaps Miley Cyrus and Taylor Momsen should both put clothes on and shut up.

This insider believes "Miley has always had a lot of talent, and Taylor knows it. Taylor still sees her as a threat, which she is, although they're hardly in the same league."

It's difficult to take a side in this battle of underdressed, oversexed, self-centered singers. But Miley has spoken out often over the last year, expressing her disdain for musicals, vampires and other pop culture favorites. Her defenders always say to leave the girl alone, she's allowed to speak her mind.

Does the same standard apply to Momsen?

Take a side in this feud:

 

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Jennifer Lopez turns 41 today.

Remember Jennifer Lopez? The former A-lister once had the number-one movie and number-one album on the planet... at the same time! It's a feat that was never accomplished before and hasn't been since.

But J-Lo has fallen off the celebrity gossip map a lot lately. Her most newsworthy endeavor over the last few years was donning an ugly catsuit on New Year's Eve.

Still, it's not too late for Lopez to right her sexy ship. She's still a looker, still has talent and clearly has a sense of humor. (She's also still just Jenny from the Block, we've heard.) Send in your birthday wishes to Jennifer now and offer her tips for reviving her career...

  • J. Lo Hair
  • Taxi Cutie
  • A Simple Smile
  • Terrible Outfit
  • J. Lo Pic

In other birthday news, steroid lover Barry Bonds turns 46 and True Blood star Anna Paquin is 28.