MAKE IT STOP! Someone please put a bullet in the head of this show!
- THG intern forced to cover The Real Housewives of New Jersey, following last night's episode.
It's hard to ask for a better tease than that, isn't it?!? Try not to purchase any firearms today, Real Housewives Girl, and entertain us with another detailed review of the most nauseating show on television...
I just have to be honest. I am getting so sick of this used barf bag of a show. I want to scream every time I look in the channel guide and I see YET AGAIN that next week’s episode is not the season finale. I then scream, “Nooooooooooo!” at the television until the dude next door pounds on the wall to get me to shut up. And I’m sorry if I use a lot of my CAPS LOCK key this week because that is the closest I can get to screaming through a review.
Well, the first big whoop covered this time was Shirtless Joe’s stupid drunk driving accident. He rolled his truck somewhere in the great Jersey wilderness. But dry those eyes and turn that frown upside down!
Shirtless is safe and sound and he has a very eloquent explanation for this idiotic mistake: “I was commin’ down the street and I yawned for a second. And as I yawned I floored it a little bit.” Then he hit trees and a pole but, don’t you worry your pretty little heads for a moment because an angel was looking over him. Then he called the cops and drank more scotch while he waited, like all highly intelligent people.
“God forbid anything happen to Joe,” says Teresa. “I don’t know what I would have done.” I know what you would have done - moved in with relatives ASAP as your house was immediately repossessed.
If you think Danielle Staub is unaware of this whole Shirtless Joe debacle, you’re wrong. Our favorite skeletal ex-exotic-dancer-turned-nightmarish-housewife meets with Discount Danny, Ex-Bodyguard Extraordinaire to discuss how Shirtless was arrested for a “DWI." Though it has absolutely nothing to do with her, Danielle is ticked off at Shirtless Joe’s behavior.
She wonders why he was out at 2:00 in the morning. “I know strip clubs are open at that hour,” says Danielle, suggesting, I guess, that perhaps Shirtless strayed from Teresa. She knows all this top-secret strip club information because she frequents these clubs to fling her praying mantis-like body around metal poles and to spread her legs for all the randoms assembled.