Every Tuesday morning, I get an email from one of our interns at THG that briefly runs down the previous night's episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey and then goes into a longer review, the latter of which I post on the site.
But this correspondent only had two words to describe this week's installment of the Bravo series: Holy crap!
What caused such a reaction? Read her detailed take on the hour below and see if you agree:
This season of RHONJ has had so many bitch fights, cat fights, quarrels, duels, breakdowns, meltdowns, and spars I don’t know how the show can ever keep up in the future. Do they show these Housewives violent movies and give them hallucinogenic drugs before releasing them into the wilderness of strip malls, plastic surgery centers, and country clubs that is Franklin Lakes, hoping they will run into each other and start kicking, biting, screaming profanities, and slinging their purses at each other while the cameras catch every cringe-worthy moment?
It sure seems like it.
Tonight’s episode was full of such drama. Of course, most of it centered around Danielle Staub, but she alone cannot create this level of chaos. There had to be other women involved and a charity event because Danielle seems to particularly enjoy letting loose and going insane at functions aimed at helping those less fortunate.
By now I think she deserves her own charity event or at least an intervention that ends up with Danielle inside a windowless white van being driven off to a secured location where she can calm down under the watchful eyes of mental health professionals for a few years. Her daughters can fend for themselves.
Lord knows they’d probably be better off without her calling them every ten seconds and screaming, “Mommy’s got a little situation here!” as she gets ready to beat a bitch’s ass over accidentally cutting her in line at Target or something.
Most of this episode centered around the shit storm that was Kim D.’s fashion show event for her boutique, Posche. (Side note: Is she trying to spell her store’s name like “Porsche” is spelled so it seems classy? Just wondering.) The shit began to hit the fan when Danielle felt mistreated by a Posche employee.
For Danielle, the fact that this employee failed to leap up from behind her desk (she was on the phone) and fall at her feet the minute Danielle walked in the door was grounds for an immediate execution. Danielle threw a big fat stink about this and stormed in and out of the store multiple times, all while dressed in head-to-toe black like your goth cousin.
My God, this woman craves and creates drama wherever she goes. If I got pissed every time a salesperson was rude to me, I would have spent all of my high school years in a rage over mistreatment at the hands of my local mall’s Abercrombie employees. Kim D. has no sympathy for Danielle over this particular issue and says, “Nobody did anything on purpose to you. Oh my god, here she goes again. No matter what anyone does you can’t please her.”
Danielle tells us that she is done shopping at Posche and adds smugly, “And believe me, she will miss my money.” Don’t you mean your ex-husband’s money? You have no job other than being the resident lunatic of Franklin Lakes and I don’t think that’s a paid position, at least not yet.
After asking Jacqueline’s daughter Ashley to walk in her fashion show, Kim D. calls Danielle to make amends. She tells Danielle that she needs to come to the fashion show. Nooooo! Run for the hills!