Hilton Hater

Tonight's American Idol marks the first round of semifinal auditions on the show. This is where the true talent portion of the show begins!

At 8 p.m., flip the channel to Fox and fire up your Internet to The Hollywood Gossip! Our staff will be live blogging the entire show - and we wanna hear from readers throughout.

Simply refresh your browser every couple of minutes during the broadcast in order to read our thoughts on the latest auditions.

Also, remember to click on the "Comments" link below and share your opinions on which singers were hits, which were misses and which insane asylum Paula Abdul should be committed to.

8:00: And... we're off! Thanks for joining us, readers. Or should I call you the "toughest judges of all," as Ryan just did? The top male, female and then next-highest overall vote-getter will move on tonight.

8:02: Simon likes Ryan's new hair. We like his eyes (did we just write that out loud?).

8:06: Jackie Tohn is up first and she has a goal with "A Little Less Conversation" by Elvis: To get Paula up off her feet. We think she has medication that takes care of that. Tohn is throaty and full of energy. She's like a sex phone operator on Red Bull.

Randy, Kara and Paula all say the voice isn't perfect, but this girl can entertain! Simon calls the song "gimmicky" and refers to Jackie as a "clown." He also hates her pants.

8:15: Ricky Braddy had to give up serving chicken fingers in order to try out for American Idol. If that doesn't move you to tears, we don't know what will.

He's singing "A Song for You," also known as "A Song No One Has Ever Heard of." Paula gives Ricky a standing ovation, while Randy says this was "the start of season eight." Ouch. Sorry, Jackie. Simon says Ricky has no charisma or star quality, but, hey, that's his only criticism. Ricky's parents are wearing "Braddy Bunch" t-shirts. We like it.

8:27: Alexis Grace recounts her first audition, when Kara told her to make love to her fiance. She's singing "Never Loved a Man" by Aretha Franklin (guess Aretha never received that same advice from Kara).

Kara and Randy dug the performance, while Paula wants to make love to Alexis. She thinks she's wonderful, beautiful and fantastic. Simon makes a comparison to Kelly Clarkson. Whoa.

Alexis' dad looks like Meatloaf.

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Would you tang Fergie?

Responses to that poll question have been mixed, but there's little doubt that Josh Duhamel would answer in the affirmative.

Heck, he might be doing his wife right now... in Mexico! The couple jetted down south for a few days this week, showing off their beach bodies for surrounding celebrity gossip photographers. To wit:

Click on the photos above for larger images of Fergie and Josh in Mexico!

This just in: Katy Perry's ugly is not bumping the ugly of Benji Madden.

Despite being seated next to Paris Hilton's ex-boyfriend at Las Vegas' Lavo nightclub this weekend, and despite reports that said there was "chemistry" between the pair, Perry has taken to her blog in denial of any hook-up.

"Oh kittens! It’s two pseudo famous people sitting next to each other...doesn’t mean we were bumping uglies!” Perry wrote. “You know I don’t just do that with anyone! I was there celebrating a really fun show and a boozy valentines with all my good friends. We were like a group of 25!”

Contrary to reports, Katy Perry is not taking a serving of Paris Hilton's sloppy seconds.

We don't know if she'd shoot wolves out of a helicopter, or refer to a progressive tax system as "socialist," but Bristol Palin appears far more grounded in reality than her mother on at least one topic:

Teenage sex.

While Alaska Governor Sarah Palin has attempted to pass legislation that teaches abstinence in school, Bristol appeared on Fox News this week and said that such a view is "not realistic at all."

What else did the new mother of Tripp Johnston have to say to Greta Van Susteren? Various excerpts, along with staff commentary, appear below:

On getting knocked up: "Everyone should wait 10 years.. I hope people learn from my story... It's so much easier if you're married, have a house and career."

On having Tripp: "It was my choice to have the baby. It doesn't matter what my mom's views are on it. It was my decision, making me a model for the pro-choice argument, but don't tell my mom that, as such logic would confuse her belief that pro-choice equals pro-death."

Bristol Palin held son Tripp during a Fox News interview in which she scoffed at the notion that you can prevent teens from having sex.

On Levi Johnston as a father: He's a "hands-on dad, especially since he was forced to quit his job on an oil field because my mother may have illegally helped him land it."

On marrying Levi: "Eventually we'd like to get married, but my mom isn't a candidate for Vice President anymore, so we can stop pretending like this was the plan all along."

On being a mother: "I love it, just seeing him smile and stuff. It's awesome."

Governor Palin shows up near the conclusion of the interview, holding little Tripp, and says:  "Hey, life happens when you spend all your time giving your children goofy names instead of teaching them about contraception."

28.

No, that isn't the number of men Paris Hilton went home with last night, at least not that we know of.

Instead, it's the age our favorite talentless heiress turns today. Hilton threw a party in her own honor last night, inviting friends and family to New York City club Butter.

Looks like she had some trouble getting there, however. It's so hard to find a good driver these days...

Past Paris lovers and new Paris friends, such as Stavros Niarchos and Aubrey O'Day, turned out for the event.

Click on the photos below for larger images from the lame party:

[Photos: Splash News]

Aubrey O'Day is posing nude in the current issue of Playboy.

She's begging us to comment on her body.

Meanwhile, Jennifer Love Hewitt simply has really nice breasts. There's just no getting around that fact.

With these beauties in mind, follow this article's jump to vote in our poll and determine the winner of this cleavage clash...

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Sorry, Joanna Garcia. But pretty much every female in America hates you right about now.

Various sources report that the Privileged star is dating her hunky new co-star, former Lipstick Jungle actor Robert Buckley.

Robert Buckley and Joanna Garcia are Hollywood's cutest new couple.

"Joanna and Robert are dating," an insider told Life & Style, pointing to a night out in New York City on February 11, when the pair were seen heading into a club together.

Once inside, they reportedly didn't hide their affection for one another.

"It was pretty late at night, probably 1 a.m., and they were cuddling and kissing. It was very cute; they're pretty hot together," said a witness.

Considering the attractiveness of each star, we don't doubt it.

The Jonas Brothers appeared today on Good Morning America, practicing their golf swings with correspondent - and All My Children star - Cameron Mathison.

According to Kevin, he and Nick are the most competitive on the course: "[Nick] likes to add strokes to my game when I didn’t even take them.”

Uh-oh. Might this golf rivalry lead to the end of The Jonas Brothers?!? We'll follow this growing Kevin and Nick feud and keep fans posted!

FORE!!! Cameron Mathison and The Jonas Brothers teed off on Good Morning America.

Kim Kardashian is known for her kravings.

Years ago, it was a homemade pornographic video with Ray J. And her then-boyfriend delivered like only he can.

These days, though, Kardashian's desires are more innocent, tame and dessert-based.

She was spotted at Cold Stone Creamery over the weekend, snacking on an ice cream sundae with soulmate Reggie Bush...

Kim and Reggie snacked on ice cream and then headed to a hotel for some real dessert, if you know what we mean!!!

Click on the photos below for larger versions of each picture:

[Photos: Splash News]

A recent debate took place in The Hollywood Gossip offices. Our staff argued about just how thin Lindsay Lohan has become.

• According to one writer, Lohan is so thin, she has to run around in the shower to get wet!
• A programmer countered that Lohan is so thin, she could use a Cheerio as a life-preserver!
• An accountant proceeded to chime in, stating that Lohan is so thin, she makes Shenae Grimes look overweight!

At that, we all realized what sort of dire situation Lindsay had gotten herself into. Fortunately, the actress is aware of her skeletal-like issues and swears that she isn't anorexic.

"I eat. I had my Big Mac yesterday from McDonald's," she told Us Weekly over the weekend. "I eat just as much as I always have."

Lohan says she's lost weight because she's been "working a lot," while she blames "stress ... and lack of sleep when I travel" for her frail condition. But she doesn't care if people compare her to Kate Bosworth, Mischa Barton and other miniscule stars.

"They've already said everything about me that they can say. And I've never really cared then. I'm my own person, and people can say whatever they want. I'm still going to be the person that I am."

Here's a look at Lohan through the years. Click on each photo to see how her body has changed: