Free Britney

Free Britney

Teaming up with Hilton Hater to bring you the latest celebrity news, Hollywood rumors and gossip since 6/6/06.

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Nearly one year to the day after his last DUI arrest, Tracy Morgan has been picked up again for allegedly driving while drunk.

In what appears to be a good impression of either Snoop Dogg or Mel Gibson, the 38-year-old former Saturday Night Live regular was arrested again Tuesday in New York on drunken driving charges, the Manhattan district attorney's office said. He did not, to his credit, spout off about Jews ruining the world.

30 Rock Star

Morgan was stopped around 4:30 a.m. while driving a Cadillac Escalade on the Henry Hudson Parkway near West 158th Street.

Police reported that Morgan smelled of alcohol and that he later failed a breathalyzer test at the 28th Precinct station.

Morgan's rep said: "we have no formal statement at this time."

Good one! Morgan is to be arraigned later in Manhattan's State Supreme Court on charges of driving while intoxicated and driving while impaired.

Last December 2, Morgan was arrested on impaired driving charges after police stopped him for speeding. Authorities said his BAC level was 0.13 percent, over the legal limit of 0.08.

On February 17, he pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor charge of drunken driving and was sentenced to 36 months' probation, fined $390 and ordered to attend an alcohol education program, authorities said.

Eh, we'd still rather get in a car with Morgan than Lindsay Lohan.

Morgan was a SNL cast member from 1996-2003. He left the show to star in the now-cancelled Tracy Morgan Show, and now stars in 30 Rock alongside former SNL compatriot Tina Fey and Saddam Hussein-like tyrant Alec Baldwin.

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We used to think the Olsen Twins would turn out alright. Okay, that's not true. But we had no idea they would devolve quite this hard. Once a cute pair of child stars, they've been stripped of all that is human, courtesy of a long and hard Hollywood upbringing - and probably a fair share of mind-altering drugs. Now the zombie cyborg freaks are out for blood.

Mary-Kate Olsen of Weeds

Seriously, don't they scare you? They look robotic, more machine than woman, more terrifying than attractive. Ashley Olsen has bigger problems than being on PETA's $h!t list, and Mary-Kate Olsen can forget about parking tickets or losing all her men to the Hilton sisters (speaking of which, wonder how good ol' David Katzenberg is doing these days). They've officially lost their minds.

If you love your children, hide them from the undead. Do so now. These chicks are dangerous. On the plus side, at least zombies get hungry, unlike Nicole Richie.

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Her princess title will have to wait, but Jennifer Wilson got her prince on The Bachelor.

That's right, Lorenzo Borghese somehow chose ditzy Jen over the far superior Sadie Murray on Monday's two-hour finale.

Jason Mesnick, DeAnna Pappas Photo

"I came here for one reason and that was in search for love," the 34-year-old Manhattanite and Italian noble family member told Jennifer as he informed her of his decision during the reality TV show's final rose ceremony. "I didn't want 25 women, I wanted one."

"Oh my god!," the giddy 24-year-old eighth grade teacher from Pembroke Pines, Fla., replied, as our staff members vowed to stick to Laguna Beach for our reality fix from now on.

However, Lorenzo didn't propose, or even attempt to present his network-supplied engagement ring to Jennifer as a "promise ring." No one needs to get married these days - just ask Brangelina. Instead, he presented the Florida teacher with an offer to leave the "Garden of Eden" and "take it on" with him in New York.

After meeting with both fathers, Lorenzo had his final one-on-one dates with Jennifer (below, left) and Sadie (below, right), setting the stage for the final ceremony in which each woman arrived separately learn of his decision. Sadie arrived first and, following some brief praise of her, Lorenzo cut right to his decision.

"In your wish list, you said 'I want to be with a guy that can't fathom to be with another woman' ... the truth is that there is another woman here and at this point I would rather be with her," Lorenzo told the 23-year-old from San Diego. "I don't know what else to say, Sadie."

THG NOTE: He could have invited Britney Spears to accept his ring instead, but that would have been against the show's rules.

Sadie, a classy, spunky, composed and virginal cutie, initially took the news well.

"I'm grateful for everything and thank you, really, thank you... I'm not good but I will be, I'm fine," she said.

But as the conversation continued, Sadie began to get more emotional.

"I just don't know why I did this... I feel so foolish... I thought it was real," Sadie lamented.

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Nicole Richie (right) has more to deal with than the fallout from axing Rachel Zoe or denying that she has a plethora of eating disorders: PETA has just named her the world's worst-dressed celeb.

"This pelt-wearing party girl is all animal skin and bones," the animal rights group says of Nicole Richie. "She's an incredible shrinking woman with the heart to match."

A Nicole Richie Image

Wow. We never thought we'd say this, but here goes: Well said, PETA!

Crazy, possibly-Satanic Ashley Olsen was named the runner-up.

"Wearing fur does add 20 pounds," PETA says, "but if Ashley wants to fill out her frame, we suggest using a fork instead."

The celebs set 'em up, and PETA knocks 'em down, ladies and gentlemen!

Eva Longoria also made the worst dressed list, just beneath the lesser-known one of the Olsen Twins, to which PETA opines, "You'd think she'd be more sympathetic to the plight of rabbits considering the way she screws like one on Wisteria Lane."

Oh, snap! Someone cool PETA off, because they're on fire!

Nicole's BFF, Paris Hilton, may have herpes, but she was let off the hook by PETA this year (after topping last year's list) because she stopped wearing furs after seeing a grisly PETA video about the industry. But a spokesman says they're still taking a "wait and see" attitude before asking Paris to become a PETA "I'd rather go naked than wear fur" model.

Pamela Anderson is one of those models. She announced yesterday that she is divorcing Kid Rock, to the surprise of absolutely no one.

Hopefully, PETA asks Britney Spears to participate. She certainly shouldn't have a problem with eschewing fur - or almost all clothing, come to think of it. Man. Just look at this pic!

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T.H. Gossip is proud to bring you a statistical update on Kevin Federline's much-anticipated (and hated) debut album, Playing With Fire, which has sold fewer than 2,000 copies to date.

Awesome work. Here's how K-Fed's album sales shake out, in relative terms:

Golf Fiend
  • Approximately 31 million fewer than his estranged wife, Britney Spears, has sold over the course of her career.
  • Approximately 8 million fewer than Ashlee Simpson's career sales.
  • Approximately 500,000 fewer than Paris Hilton's debut CD sold.

Yes, he's getting absolutely massacred by his wife and two hoes who can't sing - one of whom actually doesn't even sing on her own records or in person. That's not a good sign for Kev's music career. Or for humanity, seeing that 8 million people actually exchanged currency for a f*%king Ashlee Simpson album. You know who you are. Get help.

Yet he keeps trying, you have to give him that. Over the weekend, K-Fed graced the Las Vegas hotspot TAO with an entourage that rolled 10 deep. This collection of losers including his brother Chris Federline (above), his bodyguard, Leor the Jeweler, and others.

While K-Fed's impending divorce is surely weighing on his (small) mind, Chris gave him an affectionate hug to show suppor. Perhaps C-Fed was just making sure nothing happened to the four-karat diamond earrings K sported. Watch for those things on eBay soon, losers!

Sources say that the studiously un-thugged-out Federline had some dinner before heading up to a VIP lounge to take in the atmosphere. As far as how the hell Kevin Federline qualifies as any sort of VIP at this point, we can't say. Enjoy it while it lasts, you douche.

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Stylist Rachel Zoe has come out swinging - most likely with brittle, weak and ineffectual fists - against reports that she was fired by quote-unquote actress Nicole Richie.

A Nicole Richie Image

Rachel has issued the following statement to our friends at TMZ:

"There has been a lot of speculation as to the cause of my parting with client Nicole Richie. The tabloid reports have no merit. After trying to be a good friend to Nicole, we made a mutual decision to sever our working relationship."

"Changes are inevitable in any business relationship. I am very fortunate to have such a wonderful life, I have been married for 10 years and have been a stylist for more than 15 years and am lucky to work with such a diverse group of women of all shapes and sizes that inspire me everyday. I have nothing but love for Nicole and wish her only health and happiness."

Health? Not gonna happen. Not with 12 eating disorders, babe!

Sources say that Rachel, who had worked with Nicole (as well as Lindsay Lohan and other skanks) for years, had become increasingly unhappy with bad choices Nicole was making in her life, and simply wanted to be finished with the whole thing. Of course, sources also say that Nicole axed the Zoemeister because she was responsible for a lot of those bad choices. So who the f*%k knows!?

When asked to elaborate further about "being a good friend to Nicole," or the status of Nicole Richie's breasts, Rachel's rep refused comment.

A rep for Nicole could not be immediately reached. Most likely because said rep and said Nicole were out gorging themselves on Thanksgiving leftovers. Oh wait, no.

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In preparing for the American Music Awards recently, Nicole Richie realized that she not only lacks any semblance of talent, and Rachel Zoe, and a career, but a hot body as well. This is what starving one's self will do to you.

Fortunately, her BFF, Paris Hilton, is also the new BFF of a bootylicious babe with assets to spare. The newly single (and awfully buxom) Britney Spears really came through for Nicole in this case by lending her some of her prized assets.

Britney on an Umbrella

Seriously, if you squint really hard, you can kind of imagine Nicole Richie with a sultry, Britney Spears-like body. But then when you take a closer look, she's still alien-like. Sigh. Maybe next time she can beg Britney to loan her a cheeseburger.

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Wow. If the side panels of this automobile could talk... they'd probably know all about getting faded and hooking up with random dudes. 'Cuz when it's girls' night out, there's no telling what kind of $h!t is gonna go down. We be clubbin', yo!

Rock Bottom?

Yes, the fun never stops for new BFFs Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, who picked up none other than Lindsay Lohan in Beverly Hills during their girly-girl marathon in the early hours of Monday morning. The trio stopped off at Hilton's pad before heading to Spears' place.

All we can say about this picture is that celebrity worlds are colliding, and that this marks a watershed moment in the evolution of the phrase "ho train." These chicks look like they are ready to start slinging poon like strung-out, two-dollar skanks jonesing for a fiver of rock.

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Whatever else they had to be grateful for this Thanksgiving, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears certainly seemed glad to have each other around.

Britney Spears' breasts hung out in Los Angeles almost every night over the holiday week, and the singer herself hung out with her new BFF, Paris, even during the day. The pair went shopping in Malibu together with Spears' son, Sean Preston, in tow on Saturday evening.

Britney Having a Blast

They kicked off the girl-time marathon Tuesday, when Spears went to a hot party Hilton hosted at her West Hollywood home. The following night, they were spotted at Teddy's in matching leopard-print outfits (below). The slew of Britney Spears pictures since the divorce announcement sure are something else.

THG NOTE: Spears' estranged, deadbeat husband, Kevin Federline, was hosting an album party / sausage-fest across town at Republic the same night.

Friday, Hilton left her sister, Nicky Hilton, and friends at the nightclub Les Deux to pick up Britney. The pair stopped at Hyde before eventually heading back to Les Deux before close.

Finally, on Saturday, after their shopping trip with Sean Preston, the duo were back at Hyde partying with the crazy (and possibly Satanic) Olsen twins.

THG NOTE: No word on whether Stavros Niarchos was in attendance.

There's little question about who wears the pants in this relationship. Britney. At least literally. Paris' pants come off faster than Michael Richards fires off hate-filled rants. But in the figurative sense, anyway, Paris is acting like Brit's protector.

"Paris was acting like Britney's boyfriend," says a source who saw them at Hyde. "She opened doors for her, held her hand, and even had her arm around Britney's lower back. Britney happily accepted Paris' friendly gestures."

Yikes. While there is apparently no Britney Spears sex tape in existance right now, Brit had better watch out, because the longer she hangs out with this worthless (but fun-loving) tramp, the greater the chances become of one materializing. We're certain that David Hans Schmidt has operatives monitoring the gruesome twosome closely.

Spears filed for divorce from Federline earlier on November 7 after two years of marriage. Britney and Paris have not yet made their wedding plans public.

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Michael Richards and Mel Gibson, who, when combined, apparently despise Jews and blacks and gays, can at least take solace in the fact that they haven't killed anybody.

Unlike the crazy motherf*%ker below.

O.J. Simpson Mug Shot III

It appears that O.J. Simpson, whose upcoming, "hypothetical" tell-all book was pulled by Fox, may have had an accomplice in the murders that a jury said he didn't commit: Prozac.

Mike Gilbert, a sports agent and longtime pal of Simpson, says the Juice was high as a kite on not one, but two prescriptions of the mood-altering drug at the time of the 1994 killings.

"O.J. is very much out of his mind... [which] was complicated by the Prozac," says Gilbert, who adds that Simpson continued wolfing down the drug to help him withstand the pressure as cops put the heat on him.

He believes Simpson's altered state from the Prozac allowed him to commit murder and avoid cracking. Over the years, the drug has been blamed for sparking violent and psychotic behavior. In the wake of Simpson's attempt to cash in with a book, If I Did It, and TV special, Gilbert (like the rest of us) is sickened:

"I can't forgive him for the way he has conducted himself since [the murders]. He's the kind of guy who, were he on the Titanic, would have taken two life preservers for himself and watched his kids drown."

He probably would. Feel free to take about 25 bottles of Prozac, Juice. Today. Surely Pete Doherty can set you up with his dealer.

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