Free Britney

Free Britney

Teaming up with Hilton Hater to bring you the latest celebrity news, Hollywood rumors and gossip since 6/6/06.

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Readers of The Hollywood Gossip believe Simon Monjack to be an "incredible" con-artist, cheater, pathological liar and all sorts of other nice things.

But as far as his new wife, Brittany Murphy, is concerned, either she has no idea or does not care about Monjack's allegedly checkered past.

Monjack, who secretly wed Murphy this spring, has also had myriad financial problems and reportedly was facing deportation when he and the Clueless star tied the knot.

Con man or not, Simon Monjack sure looks happy in these pictures, with Murphy at the Rock & Republic City Of Hope Event. Aww. Don't they just tug at your heartstrings, these two?

We can only pray that Usher and Tameka Foster find such lasting happiness.

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Aww. Jayden James Federline is tired. Probably sick of hearing about that stupid whiner Paris Hilton and whether or not she's locked up. And we're not blaming him.

On that note, it's time for some completely unrelated celebrity gossip. It isn't even gossip, really, just a good, old-fashioned comparison of some ridiculous, back dat ass up booty!

These two gals have some junk in the trunk. No doubt about that. But who's got the best booty in all of Hollywood? Is it Jayden James' MILF, Britney Spears, seen carrying the sleepy, mysterious little tyke on the left?

Or is it the venerable Kim Kardashian, a young woman with a rear end that may require its own ZIP code and definitely defies comprehension?

Large Buttocks

It is hard to say. But these two have more than big butts in common.

Britney used to be married to Kevin Federline, who used to bone Shar Jackson, who used to be on Moesha with Brandy, the brother of Ray J - who filmed a sex tape with Kim Kardashian.

Not that this is in any way relevant to this post. Anyway. You tell us, Hollywood Gossip readers. Which posterior is superior?

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Get a driver.

Those were the sage words of Hayden Panettiere last month, when it was first learned that Paris Hilton would do time for her repeated disregard for DUI and other traffic laws.

Wladimir Klitschko Pic

Such simple advice, yet so profound. It's no surprise, then, that other night, the 17-year-old Panettiere had more choice words for the horrible HO-tel heiress / crybaby.

Well, sort of.

With Hilton back in the slammer after her brief release, the Heroes star hit the town last night and couldn't avoid the inevitable "What do you think about Paris?" question from reporters.

As Hayden Panettiere slipped into Parc under the radar last night with co-star Zachary Quinto, she avoided the barrage of paparazzi.

But on the way to her car, the paps found her and flashbulbs went flying.

As Hayden made her way around to the front of her SUV, she got the question about Stavros Niarchos' loser girlfriend - and simply giggled in response!

Yes. She is wise beyond her years. No word on whether Rumer Willis was with Hayden or what she thinks about the whole Paris Hilton situation.

However, we're guessing if she ever hung out with Paris, Bruce Willis would kill her.

On a side note, while Hayden can operate a motor vehicle at 17, there are some things she can't legally do until August. What are we talking about? Ask Stephen Colletti.

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Granted, it's a $35 million prison without bars.

Not an actual correctional facility like that crybaby skank Paris Hilton is once again confined to (and thankfully so).

But the shackles of Scientology are formidable nonetheless.

The once-lovely Katie Holmes wrapped filming on her new movie, Mad Money in Louisiana last week, theretofore returning to her cell mansion.

But at least the sweet-toothed actress didn't leave town empty-handed. And no, we're not talking about her stuffing Adam Rothenberg into a suitcase. Sadly.

Before heading home, she ordered eight dozen cupcakes and several pies from Cush's Grocery and Market in Shreveport, La. She also lavished the cast and crew with desserts from the store.

"She wanted some cupcakes for the road," a source tells People.

Truly stop-the-presses style news, we know.

In the last two months, Holmes has made a tradition of treating her Mad Money colleagues to everything from snow cones to cupcakes and pizza.

Reports state that her husband, Tom Cruise, has been jumping up and down a lot and yelling "woohoo! woohoo!" a la Daffy Duck.

The submissive mother of Suri Cruise has placed more than a dozen orders to the bakery at Cush's, including requests for red velvet and peanut butter and chocolate cupcakes.

For Mother's Day, Holmes had 28 dozen of the sweet treats delivered to everyone on the set, and she and Cruise would also order meat pies and chicken salad from Cush's deli.

Looks like Katee Holmes was about the only one didn't receive any treats from her namesake.

"Katie's assistant started coming in and bought a couple of dozen cupcakes," the source says.

"She loved them and it just took off from there."

All we have to say is this: Don't let Britney Spears near the set. Girl loves to eat sweets and junk food. And have nervous breakdowns.

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Incensed by recent rumors about his parenting ability, Coley Laffoon would like to take this opportunity to beat off. Outrageous allegations from Anne Heche.

Heche's soon-to-be-ex husband is out to set the record straight in their ongoing custody battle. First order of business? Establishing that he's no chicken-choking addict.

Second point: Anne Heche is just plain nuts!

One of the weirdest celebrity custody battles got even crazier today, when Coley Laffoon filed a response to Anne's allegations - that he is addicted to poker, strippers and masturbating to Internet porn.

In the documents, Coley Laffoon admits that he has occasionally checked out a few XXX sites, but only "when we were together."

Neither elaborated as to whether Coley prefers more tasteful Playboy-style spreads, such as the new one featuring a nude Amanda Beard, or kinkier stuff.

Anyway. Coley Laffoon says in response to his ex's remarks that it's Anne Heche who is certifiably insane - as publicized in her own autobiography titled... "Call Me Crazy."

Sorry to break this news, Britney Spears. We know you wanted to call your long-awaited autobiographical tell-all by that very same name.

Coley Laffoon claims that in the book, Heche "describes how she went to Fresno by herself after taking one pill of ecstasy, because she received a message from God that a spaceship was going to be meeting her there and taking her away."

Okay, we'd like to apologize to Britney Spears. Not even she can be considered in the same league as Heche. We pity you, James Tupper, even if you're just in it for ratings.

The jabs continue throughout the documents, with highlights including accusations of drunken arguments, manipulation, lies and strip club visits. No elaboration on whether Laffoon ever visited any of the clubs Joslyn Noel Morse performed at.

We can only hope that Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag actually make it to the altar... because their divorce battle would be something to behold.

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It's about time! At long last, Jayden James Federline photos have been discovered that aren't grainy or featuring J-squared in a crate or buried beneath blankets.

That's right, the second son of Britney Spears is no longer in hiding! We have been waiting for you to show your face, Jayden James. And we welcome you.

Britney Ad For Dolce & Gabbana

The paparazzi finally exposed the biggest celebrity baby mystery since the debate over whether Suri Cruise existed when a member of the press caught up with Brit in Hawaii...

PHOTO CREDIT: Ramey / TMZ

Britney spent some time in Mexico last week, and is continuing her R&R in Hawaii with her personal biatch (and also cousin) Alli, Jayden James, and his brother Sean Preston.

Good for her. A girl's gotta get away and relax with the fam. All of that lip-synching, tanning, shopping and eating fast food is exhausting, don'cha know.

Awesome. These are the best Jayden James Federline pictures to date. By far. We've got more for you below. Looking at these and the one above, three things are undeniably clear:

  1. Britney Spears doesn't exactly look thrilled to see the photographer who got this money shot.
  2. That pink bikini looks like it's about to fall off.
  3. Sean Preston Federline has a serious wedgie. Help the kid, Alli!

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During a recent tour stop in Zurich, Switzerland, Justin Timberlake busted out a cover of the Amy Winehouse hit, "Rehab," which is a cool track.

But what makes this noteworthy is that instead of the original lyrics - "They tried to make me go to rehab, and I said no, no no" - Justin threw his own variation in and sang "They tried to make her go to rehab, and she said no, no, no!"

The Teens' Choice

Hmm. Wonder who he's talking about. Britney Spears, maybe? Just a guess. One that you don't need to own a celebrity gossip site to come up with.

Here's a clip of Justin Timberlake covering "Rehab" ...

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcVflqSIdWY[/youtube]

Not unfunny. As if it weren't obvious enough, later in the show, Justin Timberlake pulled a similar stunt with a cover of Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy."

Unlike Akon, he didn't throw anyone off the stage - but Justin struck a chord with more slightly altered, possibly Britney Spears-bashing lyrics.

Once again, he changed the words from first person to "I think she's crazy... I think she's crazy..." and "I remember when... I remember when she lost her mind."

So do we. It was February. Enraged and bald, Britney went all "crazy" and attacked paparazzi with an umbrella, while stopping at a convenience store on her way to rehab for the third or fourth time. It was awesome.

One can only hope JT protege Esmee Denters doesn't follow Spears' path to destruction and ridicule. Click HERE to see a clip of Justin goin' "Crazy" on Brit!

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Okay, ladies, you've made your point. When we announced our girl-on-girl action all-star squad last month, you got slighted. We admit it, we were wrong.

In an effort to prove their worth in this department, Liv Tyler and Kate Bosworth made quite the scene at a cafe in Manhattan's West Village - that's a full-on lip lock!

PHOTO CREDIT: FlyNet / TMZ

Liv was lunching with "Smother" co-star Dax Shepard, and Kate was eating food (for at least the second time in three weeks) with her pal, supermodel Helena Christensen. But when Liv and Kate bumped into each other, well, they couldn't keep their hot mitts off each other.

We wonder how Liv's husband, Royston Langdon, or Kate's boyfriend, James Rousseau, feel about this picture? Probably pretty turned on.

The Hollywood Gossip can only hope for more photos such as this in the near future. Ideally featuring Hayden Panettiere and Kristin Cavallari.

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We've just heard Paris Hilton is out of jail. Which is too bad. We'll have more on that in a bit.

On an unrelated note, another famous Konvict, Akon, has agreed to cooperate with law enforcement (for a change) in the investigation of his recent fan-tossing incident, but believes he didn't commit any crimes, his lawyer said Thursday.

"Given the information that we have reviewed to date, it does not appear to us that Akon was involved in any criminal conduct whatsoever," his lawyer, Benjamin Brafman, said in a statement.

"We are prepared to fully cooperate with any law enforcement agency that may be investigating this incident. We are confident that after a thorough investigation it will be apparent that no criminal prosecution of Akon is warranted."

Police say the "Smack That" singer may face questioning after launching a member of the audience from the stage into the crowd during a concert last weekend in New York State.

The event was caught on video and posted online... making Akon's denial of any wrongdoing seem a tad ridiculous. But that's just the opinion of The Hollywood Gossip.

Click HERE to watch Akon go all Akon on the kid - from multiple angles!

Police, meanwhile, say they have identified the concert-goer as a 15-year-old boy whose name is being withheld, the Poughkeepsie Journal reports.

Detective Lt. John Berlingieri told the paper the boy's mother gave police his name. So far, no charges have been filed against the man who likes to possibly bend people over.

Man, what is it with this dude Akon and 15-year-olds? Last month, he took heat for simulating sex acts with Danah Alleyne, 15, on stage in Trinidad. Gotta love it.

Akon, 25, has been in jail for a total of five years over the course of his young life for armed robbery and drug trafficking. He says that his time incarcerated made him what he is today.

That being a disturbed individual with strange sexual and rage issues that throws innocent fans off a stage as punishment for playing frisbee at his concert.

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Her friend, Paris Hilton, is scared in jail, where she was banished following a DUI bust and then driving with a suspended license.

Nicole Richie is scared of the same fate.

A Mom Again

"I'm just keeping my fingers crossed," she told David Letterman on The Late Show Wednesday.

"Of course, I'm scared also, but, you know, I'm willing to face whatever consequences come my way, and I take responsibility for what I've done."

The star of The Simple Life, 25, pleaded not guilty in February to driving under the influence on December 11.

Officers had stopped her after she was spotted driving the wrong way on an L.A. freeway, and police said she'd admitted to smoking marijuana and taking Vicodin.

Because of a prior DUI conviction in June 2003, by California law, Richie faces mandatory jail time (90 days to one year) if convicted of a second DUI within 10 years.

Letterman asked Nicole Richie when she would eat learn her fate.

"Probably the end of this month," she said.

"I hope you don't have to go to jail," Dave added helpfully.

At least 50 percent of our celebrity gossip department disagrees.

Richie co-stars in The Simple Life with Hilton, who's doing time at the Century Regional Detention Facility in L.A. for violating her probation by driving with a suspended license.

Paris Hilton had been on probation after pleading no contest to reckless driving in a September, 2006 drunken driving case.

Richie told Ryan Seacrest on his radio show last month that she thought the way Hilton was treated by the court was "unfair" and said, "I can only hope that that doesn't happen to me, but I don't think that there's anything that I personally can do about that. The only thing that I can do is show up and fight my case."

We recommend some nutrients before fighting anything, Nicole. Otherwise, your brittle frame and tiny, ineffectual fists just aren't going to be all that imposing.

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