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Teaming up with Hilton Hater to bring you the latest celebrity news, Hollywood rumors and gossip since 6/6/06.

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As in piggyback ride, of course.

Nicole Scherzinger, the only recognizable member of the venerable Pussycat Dolls (at least before the sexy Asia Nitollano burst on the scene) loosened up her buttons (uh-huh) and straight up fronted on her boyfriend.

A Nicole Scherzinger Image

That beau of several months is Laguna Beach alumnus Talan Torriero (really, it is), with Scherzinger on a Hawaiian getaway over the weekend. 

Suffice it to say, that's one wet pussy. Cat. Doll. Sorry.

No word on how the hell Talan Torriero landed a hot babe like Nicole, but the guy once took Kristin Cavallari to a prom, so he's not a complete novice when it comes to the ladies.

Oh, and there was his engagement to Kimberly Stewart, which lasted a whole few days. To think, he was almost Sean Stewart's brother-in-law. Dodged a bullet there, T-squared!

As for Talan's Laguna brethren, Stephen Colletti dates Hayden Panettiere, while Jason Wahler has many court dates. So we'd rate Torriero's efforts somewhere in the middle.

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Lily Allen has shocked some fans by branding herself "fat and ugly" - and "s**tter" than fellow British singing sensation Amy Winehouse.

The "Smile" singer, who last week criticized editors of fashion magazines for perpetuating what she calls the "size zero culture," made an impassioned turnaround on (where else) her MySpace page on Saturday.

What Your Step

She wrote:

"Fat, ugly and s**tter than Amy Winehouse - that is all I am. I'm on my own in America again."

"I used to pride myself on being strong-minded and not being some stupid girl obsessed with the way I look. I felt like it didn't matter if I was a bit chubby ‘cos I'm not a model, I'm a singer.

"I'm afraid I am not strong and have fallen victim to the evil machine. I write to you in a sea of tears from my hotel bed. I have spent the past hour researching gastric bypass surgery and laser liposuction."

In other words, the Star Jones treatment.

Speaking at the launch of her clothing range Lily Loves for British fashion chain New Look last Tuesday, she criticized fashion mags for perpetuating eating disorders, saying "Fashion editors can f**k off."

"Lots of them are responsible for the skinny issue."

"If fashion editors put bigger models in their magazines, then maybe girls wouldn't be sticking their fingers down their throats so much."

That's right, Nicole Richie. You got served.

"It makes me so angry, they should think more about what they're doing to the younger generation."

It would seem Maroon 5's Adam Levine - the man-whore who slept with Jessica Simpson, among many others - agrees with her view, even after he labelled her a ‘A S**t Spewer' recently.

Earlier this year, Allen called U.S. President George W. Bush "an a**ehole and a c**t" and referred to Americans as "backward" - and Levine isn't impressed with the young lady's candid international commentary.

He says, "S**t constantly spews out of her (Allen's) mouth. It's not attractive seeing someone spew s**t out of their mouth."

We feel the same way about Spencer Pratt.

"She's bigger in the UK," Levine continued. "But [here] her words still have some effect. Her talking s**t seems to be embraced."

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Stalking.

It's a heck of a lot of fun, and sometimes, a celebrity like Hilary Duff will even be nice and let you off the hook afterwards. But in the case of one California woman, the party's over. Restraining order style.

Kat Von D, Jesse James Picture

Actress Sandra Bullock was granted court protection against the fan she says repeatedly visited her home and tried to run over her husband, Jesse James.

Sandra Bullock testified Friday that on five different occasions, Marcia Valentine (pictured) left in her yard palm fronds adorned with "weird signs" and "pieces of animal fur."

Oooh. Holly Madison and PETA aren't gonna be happy 'bout that.

Orange County Superior Court Judge Thomas Borris said he found "clear and convincing evidence" of stalking and issued a three-year restraining order.

The ruling prohibits Marcia Valentine from contacting or coming within 500 yards of Bullock, Jesse James or his three children from a previous marriage.

The judge has also given the Crash star and her hubby permission to record any phone calls or videotape Valentine if she were to violate the order.

Valentine did not attend the hearing. She may have moved on and taken up stalking some other famous woman, such as Ricki Lake.

Valentine, 45, of Huntington Beach, was arrested in April for investigation of assault with a deadly weapon after trying to run over James with a car.

She remains free on $25,000 bail pending a May 22 hearing. Prosecutors are still reviewing the case and have not decided whether to file charges.

Bullock said that after Valentine was spotted April 22 outside the couple's home in Sunset Beach, James went outside and tried to write down the woman's license plate when she aimed her Mercedes-Benz at him.

"I saw him go behind her car to get the license number. She got angry," said Bullock, who was also harassed by another crazy dude last year.

James, the former host of the reality TV hit Monster Garage, was not hurt.

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The Hollywood Gossip has learned that The Game is in police custody after LAPD officers executed a search of his L.A. area home in conjunction with an incident that took place in February.

According to police sources, officers accosted The Game and took him down to the precinct, where the former 50 Cent nemesis was booked on charges of making criminal threats.

We can only assume that means saying he plans to kill some fool. Which is fairly believable, as Game is a frickin' nut. But as the executive editor of our celebrity gossip staff puts it, "a real rapper would just do it."

Anyway. He was being extremely cooperative, TMZ reported.

Vida Guerra is surely having a good laugh over this. This at least The Game, a multi-platinum selling rap star, who was formerly a part of da wannabe hard-core G Unit crew, went down in style.

Moments after he was placed in a holding cell at the L.A. County police station, The Game was seen showing off his wad of more than $3,000 cash (that's how he rolls) - which was temporarily confiscated and counted by police.

The money was returned when The Game posted $50,000 bail Sunday morning. Kevin Federline, who The Game considers "good folks," was not available for comment.

No word on when Game, who was previously arrested for impersonating an officer in New York, is due back in court.

But don't expect him to get a slap on the wrist like Taboo.

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Rapper Taboo of the Black Eyed Peas is facing a stiff penalty - a maximum $200 fine, and no jail time - for two misdemeanor drug charges.

Taboo, whose real name is Jaime Luis Gomez, 31, was caught with a small amount of weed and arrested in March in the City of Industry, near L.A., after a minor traffic accident.

Very Taboo Photo

After this great Taboo mug shot was taken, he was charged with possession of marijuana while driving, on top of possession of 28.5 grams or less of marijuana, according to the Los Angeles County District Attorney's Office.

If convicted, the bandmate of Fergie faces only the fine and no jail term. His arraignment is set for May 25.

Man, a staggering $200. Where's he ever gonna get the money to pay for that?

We're not saying Taboo should do time - or that pot should even be illegal - but that's got to be the dumbest penalty we've ever heard of.

Seriously, what kind of deterrent is that?

Paris Hilton goes to jail for driving with a suspended license. Akon is in all kinds of trouble for simulated sex acts performed on an underage skank on stage. If you can't hand down real fines, why bother making it a crime?

Looks like George Michael is staring at a similar non-punishment for his own incident of driving on drugs.

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Sure, Leah Remini hangs out with the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or Xenu, or Tom Cruise, or whatever the heck Scientology freaks worship as their deity.

That doesn't mean she expects BFF Jennifer Lopez to do the same.

A Simple Smile

In a new interview in People magazine, Leah Remini, the King of Queens star, reveals that while she's definitely committed to Scientology, she isn't trying to convert her best friend - or anybody else, for that matter.

"I read that I was trying to get Jennifer Lopez to do Scientology because it helps with fertility. I don't know what that's about. That's bull - that we're sitting there at the Polo Lounge talking about fertility. I think Jennifer knows how to get pregnant," Remini said.

"She's a fabulous girl. I'm fabulous to hang out with. But it's like, "What could these two have in common? She must be trying to convert her!" 

Lopez, who some say is trying to get pregnant, has been the subject of many cult Scientology rumors for some time as a result, but she and her sexy husband, Marc Anthony, have so far stuck to their Catholic ways.

Remini was one of the first TomKat friends to go public with the news that Suri Cruise was indeed real, back when that was, you know, in doubt.

Here's hoping she and J. Lo remain pals, Spaghetti Monster or not.

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We wonder if Rosie O'Donnell will send flowers to the latest celebrity grandfather?

After all, Donald Trump Jr. and wife Vanessa welcomed their first child Saturday afternoon in New York City. This means that The Donald is now a grandpa.

Birther

Moreover, son Barron Trump is now an uncle to Kai Madison, the 6-lb. 14-oz. girl and latest member of the insanely rich clan.

"Everyone's great," Trump Jr. said in a phone call from the hospital. "Baby's great, Vanessa's great ��" and I'm getting used to the idea [of being a father]."

The name came from the baby's maternal grandfather, the younger Donald said. It's Danish and almost as pretty as Ruby Sweetheart.

When the couple first announced the pregnancy in November, Vanessa told People magazine that "everyone's very excited," although "if you mention the 'grandpa' word [to the elder Donald Trump], he might not be so excited."

That's to be expected.

Also to be expected? The plans Kevin Federline must have for Jayden James to get himself a piece of Kai Madison, along with the Trump riches.

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For Jason Wahler, life hasn't been a day at the (Laguna) beach of late.

Just days after the embattled bad boy from MTV's The Hills and Laguna Beach began a quest for redemption and checked into rehab, the Seattle Attorney's Office charged him with assault, criminal trespass and underage drinking in connection with his April 8 arrest.

Douchenozzle

It was his fourth arrest in as many states in less than a year. In Seattle, Wahler allegedly punched a hotel security guard in a brawl and passed out in the hall of a Marriott.

Jason Wahler, who needs to work on his behavior around authority figures, is looking at a 10-day jail sentence, a $4,500 fine and chemical dependency counseling if he's convicted on all three misdemeanor counts.

He's also facing a 60-day jail sentence in conjunction with his arrest in L.A. last year, but that was suspended in lieu of his rehab stint.

Further complications could ensue if Lauren Conrad's ex is also found to have violated the probation he received after pleading guilty to battery in March.

The 20-year-old reality TV star was arrested after punching a tow-truck driver and a Los Angeles Department of Transportation worker whose vehicles were blocking his way on Wilshire Boulevard.

According to police, Wahler and his passenger at the time, model Kristin DeLuca, hurled racial epithets at the two men, both of whom are black.

Kristin DeLuca was slapped with two years probation and a suspended 120-day jail sentence for her role in the incident.

On the night of his Seattle meltdown last month, according to local police, Wahler was engaging in a drunken scuffle with two people in the lobby of the Waterfront Marriott Hotel at about 12:30 a.m. when a security guard approached to warn them to settle down or get out.

The guard told police that Wahler pushed him in the chest and punched him in the mouth when he tried to intervene, and that a third party had to wrestle with the former Laguna Beach bum to restrain him.

Wahler left the hotel briefly but soon returned, after which officers found him passed out on the third floor, reeking of booze.

Wahler also allegedly unleashed a flurry of racial, homophobic and, um, financial slurs. He called one of the cops a "poor f--k," among other things) before he was taken into custody at King County Jail.

He was released about nine hours later after posting $1,140 bail.

And while Wahler is currently in rehab, the jackass also has a court date on May 23 in Greenville, N.C., on charges of underage drinking and resisting a public officer, stemming from his arrest during a nightclub raid in March.

Last but not least, making him a man for all seasons, J-Wahl was arrested during the wee hours of September 1 in New York for possessing an illegal substance, bribery, disorderly conduct and â€" big shock here â€" resisting arrest.

If there's one thing we've learned from his downward spiral, it's that some dudes just peak in high school. Others, such as Wahler's pal Stephen Colletti, go on to bigger and better things, yet still date high school chicks.

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We've seen a hobo lumberjack.

How, apparently, we've seen a hillbilly cheerleader.

Beaming Britney

Just when you think you've seen it all, she sets the celebrity fashion bar even lower.

Britney Spears, sporting a Posh Spice bob wig that appears to have accidentally gone through the washing machine or been urinated on by Jayden James, rocked her standard Elly May Clampett hat, knee-high socks and a revealing one-piece "top" to complete her "look."

You could that look half high school cheerleader, half Bel Air refugee.

Yes, the red jumper shows off some serious boobs, and when complemented by circa 1988 tube socks, white tennis shoes, a gold purse and sunglasses best suited for Bono, Britney Spears may have set a new low, even by her godawful (and hilarious) fashion standards.

If that's even possible.

Or you can even call them standards.

Looking as absurd as ever, the ex-Mrs. Kevin Federline took a ride around Beverly Hills for a little shopping and coffee. No word if this cowgirl went over to ride Howie day later on.

Yeeeeeee-hawwwwww!

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We were pretty sure Hayden Panettiere had the jailbait market cornered, but she's apparently got nothing on Danah Alleyne.

While the dust is settling for Akon after his simulated rape of a 15-year-old Minister's daughter on stage in Trinidad, some racy photos of the girl have emerged ... on (where else) her MySpace page.

Akon and Michael Jackson

Danah Alleyne, or as she call herself on MySpace, "Diva Trixie," claims to be 19 and writes, "I'm a BITCH oh well... ima bitch, ive got class, mess wid me and i'll kick ur ass!"

We'll keep that in mind, Diva Trixie. Sounds like a line straight out of the Kristin Cavallari playbook from Season 2 of Laguna Beach.

Anyway. It seems to the Gossip that a 15-year-old searching for her identity may not want to go looking for it in an 18-and-over club... or an Akon show.

Just the same, Danah has posted a picture from the night of the controversial event (below), and the caption says, "girls nite out! best time!!"

Um, yeah. Not quite the way she described it the Trinidad Express.

The rapper is in hot water after inviting Danah Alleyne on stage, under the guise of giving her the chance to win a trip to Africa.

But the "trip to Africa," the Trinidad Express reports turned out to be more like a trip on the baloney pony. Akon was "turning, twisting and even flipping [her] body," "mimicking sexual positions" and "sandwiching" the girl with the aid of another performer.

The recent collaborator of Snoop Dogg and Eminem and tour-mate of Gwen Stefani was axed by his sponsor, Verizon, and may face legal action over his antics - what officials are calling a "simulated rape" of the girl.

Look at her face, though. While our celebrity gossip writers aren't taking sides, this discovery certainly casts doubt on her supposed unwillingness to let Akon smack that.

Interestingly, since the posting of this story, which first appeared on TMZ, little Miss Danah set her MySpace page to "private." Hmm.

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