Free Britney

Free Britney

Teaming up with Hilton Hater to bring you the latest celebrity news, Hollywood rumors and gossip since 6/6/06.

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Yikes! Someone call the paramedics and page Dr. Derek Shepherd, STAT! This girl is not equipped to handle such extreme physical trauma. Here, Kate Bosworth shoulders a heavy load after shopping at Bristol Farms in Los Angeles on Wednesday.

Like skinny Nicole Richie, Bosworth's weight is hovering in the high double digits, making an endeavor like this one - carrying a couple of full grocery bags - a recipe for disaster.

Kate Bosworth Nipple Action

In the end, we're glad the uber-thin Blue Crush actress made it out of there without sustaining serious harm. The reason? Gallant boyfriend James Rousseau (not pictured), who was also on hand to help carry that massive weight.

Let's hear it for chivalry. Now if he could only hail a cab.

Hey, no one's perfect. Better keep stepping up in key situations, though, James, or she's going to turn to girl-on-girl action more often. Not that we'd complain...

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Thanks to People for this great compilation of celebrity quotes ...

"It was uncomfortable, like wearing pantyhose everywhere."
- Jessica Alba, on her Fantastic Four costume, to the July issue of Elle magazine

Evil Lurks Behind Her
  • Dignity
  • Down boy
  • Integrity
  • What if the Joke is on You
  • OMG is Like Lindsay Lohan Like Okay Like

- Possible title choices for Britney Spears' next album, as posted by the troubled singer on her official site

"I can't stand pretty boys. The guys I date are the just-rolled-out-of-bed, scruffy type. Baseball cap, flannel shirt. Like Luke on Gilmore Girls."
- Kelly Clarkson, on her type of guy

"It was itchy and scratchy and I couldn't eat anything that would stain it. So no chili or tomato soup. You're not going to eat tuna salad in one of those beards because that just ends up being a disgusting day. Then again, who would wanna eat tuna salad anyway!?"
- Steve Carrell, on the challenges of wearing a biblical beard for Evan Almighty

"About a year ago I called him on his tour bus and heard giggling voices in the background. After that I said, 'No more girls on the bus.' "
- Katherine Heigl (below, right) on her no-groupies policy for musician fiancé Josh Kelley

"I'm thinking Tony is a good name."
- Liev Schreiber, joking about what he and Naomi Watts would name their unborn child, at the Tony Awards

"We're like the Addams family or the Munsters, living sort of an odd, nocturnal life."
- John Travolta, describing (in a 2 a.m. interview) to Parade on his private life

"Well, my star will be next to you, Ryan, on one side and next to Destiny's Child on the other side. I thought that made me very hot."
- Barbara Walters, on getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, to Ryan Seacrest

"No one was trying to be audacious, honest to God. We did what we thought we had to do. No one was trying to blow people's minds or thinking, 'Wow, this'll (tick) them off.'"
- Sopranos creator David Chase, on the controversial series finale

"Within our private life and within certain other parts of our life we want to be as normal as possible. ... It's hard, because to a certain respect we never will be normal."
- Prince Harry (below, left, with Prince William) to NBC's sexy beast and talk show host Matt Lauer, on the constraints of being part of the royal family

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She covered herself up a little, this time, y'all, which we're guessing is what one does when one's planning am always-classy, quickie wedding in Las Vegas!

Just kidding. Well, she did do it once before (remember Jason Alexander), so would you really doubt it? We wouldn't. But in truth, this kind of outfit is just what Britney Spears wears shopping. Which is funny in and of itself.

She Calls the Shots

Yeah. And we thought Heidi Montag got photographed a lot.


She's got nothing on Britney Spears, who was spotted yesterday in Beverly Hills in the ensemble at left, one that looks suitable for a summer bride. A trashy, insane bride. One with bleach blonde hair extensions and a fugly gold purse.

Forget about the fact that the purse looks ridiclous. It's the same one in the recent Britney Spears crotch shot pic! How about mixin' it up, Brit!?

Just a short time later, the fickle former bride of Kevin Federline slipped out of that and into another white dress, one also suitable for exchanging vows. Guys, this is a woman ready to get hitched and crank out more kids. Get your resumes ready!

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Ah, Heidi Montag.

The bubbly blonde co-star of The Hills sure has got a lot going on. To list off a few of her hobbies...

Showing Her Off
  • Getting massive amounts of plastic surgery
  • Trying to butt into every scene with Lauren Conrad on The Hills
  • Plotting how to squeeze every last dollar out of a staged engagement
  • Sweet, passionate, five-hour lovemaking sessions with Spencer Pratt (we thought we'd go the for full-on gross-out effect there)
  • Being compared to Jesus
  • Saying "like" every other word
  • Going to Les Deux and other clubs

But most of all, what Heidi Montag enjoys is mysteriously appearing in hot bikini pics taken by Pacific Coast News. That organization just happens to come out, a few times a month, with many photos of H-Mont doing what she does best.

That being frolicking on the beach, with or without Spencer Pratt, showing off her new boob and nose job, angling for publicity and stardom in every possible way.

So here are some more Heidi Montag bikini photos. Yes, we are giving her exactly what she wants. It's playing right into her hand ... yet we can't help ourselves.

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Will the highly-anticipated Season 3 of The Hills - tentatively slated to air in August - be the swan song for our favorite California girls?

And Heidi Montag, too (oh snap)?

LC of The Hills

Numerous sources are reporting that Lauren Conrad wishes to retire from reality TV in order to focus on her fashion career, suggesting that the forthcoming third season of the hit MTV reality show will be its last.

Lauren Conrad, who first rose to prominence on Laguna Beach, has never expressed much interest in being an actress, despite her rise to reality TV stardom. In fact, she's commented in the past that she's quite disinterested in TV.

Could any of the mounting drama unfolding in Season 2 have something to do with LC pulling the plug on The Hills? As viewers know, her friendship with Heidi Montag deteriorated and came to a tumultuous end earlier this year.

First, Lauren's former roommate moved out of the Hillside Villas and in with the Devil himself, Spencer Pratt. The couple has since staged many pics and a possible fake engagement.

Then, LC learned over the internet that a mystery sex tape proportedly of herself and ex-boyfriend Jason Wahler was being shopped around.

"My friend started reading the story to me, and I literally could not breathe," Conrad said of the sex tape rumors. "I thought she was joking when she started telling me."

Later, the reality star became enraged when it was believed that Montag and Spencer Pratt leaked the tape story to blogger Perez Hilton.

Countered Heidi Montag, "I feel horrible for Lauren, but I had nothing to do with spreading that false, disgusting rumor."

The tension between LC and Heidi has escalated beyond that, though. This month it was reported that Heidi Montag is so desperate for airtime and exposure on The Hills that she's been crashing scenes featuring Lauren Conrad.

"Heidi's been showing up at shoots uninvited," a source dished. "At one point, Lauren was gesturing wildly, saying she 'can't deal' with Heidi.'"

All we can say is this:

  1. Team LC 4-eva.
  2. Bring on Season 3 baby!

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Alas. Shar Jackson is denying recent reports that she is pregnant with yet another Kevin Federline child.

"I'm not pregnant. Have you seen my new stomach?" Jackson said.

Shar on the Red Carpet

The erroneous story originated in this week's Star magazine, which reported that Shar Jackson, 30, is six weeks along with Kevin Federline's baby.

Jackson and Federline, 29, have two children together, a daughter, Kori, 4, and a son, Kaleb, 2. The Ex-Wives Club star also has two children from a previous relationship.

Kevin Federline also has two sons with Britney Spears, Sean Preston and Jayden James.

These are some fertile folks! Anyway, the shining Shar sat down for an exclusive interview with Us Weekly to set the record straight. Excerpts below...

Us: How do you think the pregnancy rumor started?
Shar Jackson: Honestly, some people are just really unhappy that me and Kevin have a great friendship. Obviously some people can't handle that. Some people like to start stuff to make their little lives better.

THG NOTE: Yes they do, Shar Jackson. Yes they do. But don't let the celebrity gossip-spreading bastards drag you down. You go girl.

Us: So for the record, you are not pregnant?
Shar Jackson: Not at all. I am not pregnant. Have you seen my new stomach? Are you kidding me? I am not going to ruin that. That is so stupid. Not only is it stupid but it's unhealthy. I could die. So obviously the person who made this up isn't that bright. Let your readers know there is no way in hell I would waste $16,000 on a tummy tuck and get pregnant. I have no time and no plans to get pregnant any time soon. And when I say I have no time, I'm talking years. So whoever's hating should stop and focus on their own problems.

THG NOTE: No offense, Shar, but with four kids out of wedlock already, is it that big a stretch to believe this rumor? But, good to hear you've discovered the pill, though.

Us: And you are not interested in getting back together with Kevin Federline?
Shar Jackson: No. I am single and I am loving that. But he is one of my best friends and that isn't going to change no matter what anyone says or does.

Us: What do you think about Lynne Spears and Britney Spears' possible reconciliation?
Shar Jackson: They need to work it out. They are mother and daughter. They need to talk already.

Us: And you've become friends with Lynne Spears?
Shar Jackson: Yes. You know what? She's a really nice lady... It was easy for us to get along once we met.

Us: What do you think of Britney Spears' state right now?
Shar Jackson: That's her journey and nothing will change until she wants it to. She doesn't think she has a problem so I don't see her changing anytime soon in my personal opinion. So it is what it is.

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We frequently write that Britney Spears has lost her mind.

Up until now, we were kind of kidding. But we're starting to believe that this is more than mere celebrity gossip thrown out there in an attempt at humor.

The crotch shot queen is asking her fans to help name her upcoming album -and one of her suggestions is a joke about Lindsay Lohan.

A joke that no one gets and doesn't seem even slightly amusing.

A post on her official Web site reads, "Britney Spears is asking her most die-hard fans for some assistance in order to name her upcoming album."

The first of five possible titles is about the rehabbing Lindsay Lohan:

"Omg is Like Lindsay Lohan Like Okay Like."

** FLUSH ** FLUSH **

[The sound you hear is Britney Spears' career officially going down the toilet]

The troubled and strange pop princess, who recently left rehab herself, says other possible titles are: "What if the Joke is on You," "Down boy," "Integrity" and "Dignity."

Is "Down boy" a shot at a horny John Sundahl? We will never know.

Members of Britney Spears' fan club, which apparently exists (you learn something every day in this business), can vote on her official site by clicking on the screen.

In addition, the vote-for-title item carries with it this declarative, defiant headline: "You'll Never See it My Way, Because You're Not Me."

You're right, Brit. We will never see it your way. This is because we are lucid.

Our staff hasn't a clue why Britney feels compelled to make a joke at Lindsay Lohan's expense - the irony of the insane pot calling the drugged-up kettle black, perhaps?

All we can do is pray that the L.A. County Department of Social Services acts now and rescues Sean Preston and Jayden James Federline before it's too late.

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Brandon Davis, a.k.a. "Greasy Bear," reportedly decided in the recent past that he was rather unhappy with what his image had devolved to.

That being a worthless, spoiled rich oil heir and friend of Paris Hilton with a propensity for vile outbursts and sweating like a pig.

Trouble for Brandon Davis

The New York Post's Page Six reports that the ball of lard has been on a diet and was proud to show off his "leaner form" at a party the other night ... where he only drank water.

Normally, we revere the Post. Their sleuths break many stories, including the Stray-Rod / Joslyn Noel Morse scandal and the revelation that Shar Jackson may be pregnant again.

But come on guys. Brandon Davis? Leaner form? You gotta be kidding, right? April Fool's was two months ago. Are you smoking up with Nicole Richie or something?

Here's Greasy Bear in a screen capture from his infamous "Firecrotch" rant (in which he immortalized Lindsay Lohan as such) in May 2006. That incident is on the left. Compare it to this picture of a "svelte" Davis taken at a Hollywood party Tuesday.

Wow, you can really see the difference. Not. Preparing to light a cigarette despite being drenched in oil, this guy is still greasier than Spencer Pratt, albeit less conniving.

Although he may have bribed the Post to discuss his "leanness." That's the only explanation we can think of. What's next, Kevin Federline, Rhodes scholar?

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Okay, so it's a relative thing... but there's no escaping the fact that Nicole Richie looks sort of, almost, kinda like a human being. You know, rather than the skeletal remains we're used to.

Photoshop and bad lighting sure can do remarkable things.

The directionally-challenged, drugged-up motorist was spotted Tuesday with beau Joel Madden while leaving the posh Kate Somerville spa in Beverly Hills.

Aside from the somewhat alien-like protrusion coming out of her left wrist, she looked the picture of health. Well sort of. Step in the right direction at least.

You go, spa! Nice work! Someone send Britney Spears there... it's not like she has anything to do, like work on a career or raise two little kids or something.

Joel Madden, on the other hand, not quite as lovely as the skinny Richie. The Good Charlotte frontman was his signature unshaven self with some splotchy red patches and what appears to be a tattoo (or maybe a hickey... oooh) behind his ear.

Come to think of it, most people look healthy standing next to a rocker who does everything he can to look trashy. Which works for his act, don't get us wrong. Just saying.

Jennifer Meyer could stand next to him and look hot.

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Happy creatures of habit, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes enjoyed yet another dinner at Wolfgang Puck's CUT steakhouse Tuesday.

Chances are, their steaks were pretty damn good. ** Bad segue alert ** Unlike another cut Katie Holmes is sporting nowadays.

As photographers snapped the A-listers exiting the eatery, Katie - like Rihanna, Jenna Jameson and others - revealed her age-defying Posh Spice-style new bob hairstyle.

It's not too shocking that Holmes - a noted pal of Victoria Beckham - would adopt the former Spice Girl's style. Check out these before and after comparisons of PoshKat below...

Hey, it could be worse. Morphing into Posh Spice is one thing. That sure as hell beats turning into a submissive, mute alien being. What would Suri Cruise say about that?

Tell us, fans, what do you think of Katie Holmes' new 'do?

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