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Teaming up with Hilton Hater to bring you the latest celebrity news, Hollywood rumors and gossip since 6/6/06.

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The Hollywood Gossip staff is proud to bring you Tale of the Tape, in which we break down prospective matchups within the celebrity world you probably have never even considered. Because they are pointless, and above all, not real.

Earlier this week, the claws came out as TV cheerleaders Hayden Panettiere and Minka Kelly (meow!) battled for Hollywood Gossip glory. Today, a pair of cute SoCal products go head to head. Who will emerge victorious when Lauren Conrad goes 10 grueling rounds with Matt Leinart? Let's find out. Ding, ding!

1. SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA TIES

Lauren Conrad: Born in Newport Beach, grew up in Laguna Beach, attends Fashion Institute of Design & Merchandising
Matt Leinart: Born and raised in Santa Ana, started for three years at quarterback for USC
Edge: Matt

2. ONE-TWO PUNCH

Lauren Conrad: Audrina Patridge, Whitney Port
Matt Leinart: Anquan Boldin, Larry Fitzgerald
Edge: Lauren

3. NOTABLE FLINGS

Lauren Conrad: Stephen Colletti, Jason Wahler, Brody Jenner
Matt Leinart: Kristin Cavallari, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton
Edge: Matt

4. BIGGEST WEAKNESS

Lauren Conrad: Hollywood clubs, bad boys
Matt Leinart: Hollywood clubs, weak-side blitz
Edge: Even

5. MARKETABILITY

Lauren Conrad: Has her own reality show, The Hills, and her own fashion line, plus numerous endorsement deals and a great magazine internship
Matt Leinart: Signed six-year, $51M contract with Arizona Cardinals
Edge: Matt

6. MAJOR ACCOLADES

Lauren Conrad: Teen Choice Award for Favorite Reality Star
Matt Leinart: Heisman Trophy
Edge: Matt

7. CONTROVERSIAL INCIDENT

Lauren Conrad: Sex tape rumors
Matt Leinart: Custody and child support battle with Brynn Cameron
Edge: Lauren

8. BUSH CONNECTION

Lauren Conrad: Rich Orange County parents probably voted for George W.
Matt Leinart: Played with Reggie at USC, sees plenty in free time
Edge: Matt

9. MEMORABLY BLEW ...

Lauren Conrad: Jason Wahler.
Matt Leinart: A 23-3 fourth quarter lead against the Bears.
Edge: Even

10. MEMORABLY THREW ...

Lauren Conrad: ... down with that bitch Heidi Montag.
Matt Leinart: ... the game-winning TD pass to Larry Fitzgerald in Week 14 against the first-place Seahawks
Edge: Lauren

THE VERDICT: Matt Leinart squeaks out a 6-4 win over LC, but lest Lauren be disappointed by her showing, rest assured: we'd much rather watch a new episode of The Hills than an Arizona Cardinals game. They are bad! Every year! It's uncanny.

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You know what they say. When in Paris... a barely legal blonde bombshell has to strut her stuff. And sometimes, that means a little side boob action.

Hayden Panettiere showed us a little breast - and a tremendous body all around - while wearing a gorgeous, form-fitting gold dress while on a press trip yesterday in France.

Yummy Stuff

Ooh la la! Look at the reaction of her Heroes co-star, Milo Ventimiglia, for all that really needs to be said. Keep those eyes on the prize, Milo!

Hayden Panettiere in France promoting her TV show... and rack. Tres sexy!

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Britney Spears makes $737,868 a month. Not a small chunk of change. At the same time, Kevin Federline earns somewhere in the neighborhood of jack $h!t.

This is according to the New York Post, which has the latest documents in the white trash couple's ongoing - and increasingly nasty - custody battle.

Britney Spears "is clearly the moneyed party in this case," said Kevin Federline's lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, in papers filed Monday in Los Angeles.

Kevin Federline is hoping to win 70/30 custody of their children and MACS (massive amounts of child support) from Spears.

That and $150,000 for his legal bills.

FedEx is broke, his lawyers admit in the filing - his income totaling zero after business expenses, despite $20,000 a month in spousal support Britney Spears is shellin' out already.

Those monthly payments stop November 15.

Federline's lawyer also demands that Spears stop stalling and pick a date to be grilled on the stand. The deposition needs to happen fast, Kaplan argues - in advance of their next hearing date of September 17.

Britney Spears skipped her previous deposition appointment, which was set for August 20, because her lawyer went on vacation, the papers say.

Already on tap for deposition by Team K-Fed are Spears' former assistants (Alli Sims, Shannon Funk), a "designated sober companion," (!?) her former business manager, and a one-time bodyguard, assistant and nanny (Daimon Shippen).

Her former manager, Larry Rudolph, had been dreading (and trying to avoid) the day when he got served, but that day arrived yesterday in L.A., according to Perez Hilton.

A source close to Rudolph says, "It stinks. [Larry] was trying to stay out of it and keep a low profile but he obviously didn't keep it low enough. He didn't want to get involved."

Over the weekend Rudolph, told Ryan Seacrest that he was on the run, and didn't want to say where he was. He didn't want to be served because he said it won't be good for Britney, who he remains loyal to despite the fact that the loon gave him the axe undeservedly.

Kevin Federline: Not a man with a high net worth. Or any sort of talent.

Earlier this week, an attempt was made to serve Britney Spears' friend Sam Lufti - an attempt that ended in a car collision. While FedEx reps say he rammed their car in order to flee, Sam Lufti has said his vehicle was surrounded and rammed by K-Fed's process servers.

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Now that the real Dancing with the Stars cast has been announced, viewers may have a few questions about the celebrities involved:

  • Will Melanie Brown's baby weight play a role in her performance?
  • Will Cameron Mathison find time to practice while shooting All My Children?
  • Can Sabrina Bryan win?
  • Who the heck are Albert Reed and Josie Maran?
Peepshow Performer

Allow us to answer the final inquiry: Reed and Maran are models. The former is a face for Abercrombie and Fitch, while the latter has come out with her own cosmetics line recently.

But will their good looks transfer over to the dance floor? Only time will tell.

In the meantime, you can take a look at pics of Albert Reed and Josie Maran nude, or at least very close to it. Here they are, doing their best Sophie Howard impressions...

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A man known for brokering deals involving celebrity sex photos and videos has agreed to plead guilty in a plot to extort more than $1 million from Tom Cruise.

That "man" is none other than David Hans Schmidt.

The celebrity porn broker agreed to plead guilty to sending communications for purposes of extortion. He faces up to two years in prison and a $250,000 fine.

It wasn't known when Schmidt, 47, who is free on bond, might enter his plea in court. A phone message left for his attorney was not immediately returned.

A plea agreement for David Hans Schmidt's co-defendant, Marc Lewis Gittleman, who the authorities say helped recover photos from a computer hard drive, has been filed as well. He is also charged with conspiracy to commit extortion.

David Hans Schmidt (pictured) and Gittleman were arrested July 26. Gittleman obtained photos of Tom Cruise's wedding to Katie Holmes from the event's photographer.

Gittleman then made copies of the wedding photos on the drive. He contacted Schmidt after finding a site touting his abilities to broker celebrity photos.

No word if Gittleman read that on this very celebrity news site.

Starting in May, Schmidt had repeated contact with reps of Tom Cruise and threatened to release the photos if he didn't receive $1.2-1.3 million.

David Hans Schmidt began sending e-mails to the actor's camp, including one with 13 photos of Tom Cruise's wedding attached as proof that he had them.

The celebrity sex tape king said he had about 7,600 images and he hoped a "commendable and quiet arrangement could be reached" with Tom Cruise.

David Hans Schmidt attended a meeting with the actor's representatives and an undercover FBI agent July 24 in which he compared his actions to "legal extortion" and said he would "hunt down to hell and back" anyone who dared crossed him.

Guess he was wrong on the whole "legal" bit.

In the past, Schmidt has tried to auction off Paris Hilton's diaries, along with sexual photos of her and other items that were locked up in a storage locker.

Also in Paris' stuff was that now infamous pic of Cisco Adler naked.

Schmidt also brokered deals to sell the Dustin Diamond sex tape and a video of Tonya Harding's wedding night, among other tawdry items.

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You might not know it, but Nicole Scherzinger, the only recognizable or even semi-hot of the Pussycat Dolls, and Audrina Patridge of The Hills have a lot in common.

Nicole Scherzinger is currently dating Talan Torriero, who, like, went to his Laguna Beach prom with Kristin Cavallari, who was totally in, like, the rival clique of Lauren Conrad - who's now Audrina Patridge 's roommate! Woo!

A Patridge Pic

They're also wearing the same dress below. Peep it.

Tell us: Who wore it better, Nicole Scherzinger or Audrina Patridge?

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Britney Spears has a new single... for real this time!

The wreck's new song, called "Gimme More," has been leaked to gossiper Perez Hilton. It begins with Spears declaring, "It's Britney, bitch" as the dance track opens. Hot. Perez also acquired another tune from the new album, entitled "Cold as Fire."

Sky Boutique Babe

CLICK HERE and HERE to listen to Britney Spears' new songs.

While "Gimme More" is by no means great, it is certainly a departure from the emotional, undermixed, god-awful slow jam leaked by Perez on August 23.

As for "Cold as Fire," well, that's not all that bad either, though the name makes about as much sense as naming your kid Sutton Pierce for about 10 minutes.

A friend of Britney Spears says "Gimme More" is a single designed to "set the tone" for her album, and fans can expect to see a music video as early as next week.

The source adds, "The song is dope. It is amazing, a fast dance song and people will love it. But don't judge the whole album by the song... it is just a first glimpse but the whole album and the stuff on it surpasses it. This album is amazing and has something for everyone. It will blow people away and people won't question that she is back."

People may not take her seriously, of course, given what we've seen from her personally in the past, oh, year. While they're not bad songs - they sound like most Britney Spears music - her image is no longer that of a sex symbol, but of a bipolar W.T. train wreck.

It's like Lindsay Lohan trying to act seriously in I Know Who Killed Me. It might be a decent movie, but we'll never know, since all we can picture is what we see every day in the tabloids - Lindsay Lohan nude, sleeping around, pole dancing and getting beaten with a shovel.

What do you think? Does Britney Spears' comeback stand a chance?

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"Actress" and professional baby mama Shar Jackson has snagged a role on yet another reality show. On Celebrity Rap Superstar, Shar and other celebrities rap.

That's about all there is to say about it. You can imagine how good this show is. Kendra Wilkinson, Jason Wahler and celebrity gossip gangsta Perez Hilton are among the other stars flashin' mad skillz and dropping the illest, phattest beatz.

Shar on the Red Carpet

In exchange for appearing on this quality program, Shar Jackson was even given a her blog on MTV. The mother of Kevin Federline's first two kids, she's taken a positive attitude when it comes to people laughing at her. Which is probably smart.

That's a lot of kids. Here's what Shar Jackson's blog has to say...

"All I've known lately is being a mom, taking care of my kids, finishing up my album. Which by the way is not a rap album, but more R&B and pop music. I love a challenge and being that I've never rapped a day in my life, I figured this would be the perfect opportunity to do so.

This is just something I've never done before and put myself to the test. Also, other members of my family decided to rap... I thought I would give it a shot too...

So yes, the show is so out of my character that I had to do it. I figure if I could learn how to rap then I don't have to pay any guest stars on my album!!! Can you imagine? Here's Shar Jackson featuring MC Shar J!! Ha!

In all honesty, I'm getting over a fear. I'm terrified. I've never rapped. I'm not trying to embarrass my kids, they gotta go to school! I don't know what's going to happen but my kids have already said to me, "Mommy don't do this stuff... " and I say to them, "You'll be singing a different tune after I win damnit!"

In life, the person I truly look up to is my mom, and I think that's important. Your parents should be your number one mentors. In my case it's my mom. She's the most awesome chick in the world although she's never appeared on Celebrity Rap Superstar... I thank her for that.

Life is too short to be unhappy. I want to be a mentor to a new generation and get down to them and tell them that they should focus on their education, work hard and get whatever they want. If the world wants a legitimate reason to laugh at me, this is it. So you reading this post, you should watch the show. Don't miss it. I'm telling you, if it scares my kids you should definitely watch.

I'm diving in headfirst to have a lot of fun, so have fun with me and get ready!"

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Britney Spears may not be focused on pants or personal hygiene these days, but she has supposedly been working hard on her new album.

Of huge importance to her comeback is a collaboration with Criss Angel on the opening act for MTV's Video Music Awards, which she previewed to network reps.

That day, Spears was seen entering L.A.'s Alley Kat dance studio with new manager Jeff Kwatinetz, who is working with Brit on a trial basis.

"She's planning it to be a big comeback performance," says a source close to Britney, who adds that the goal is to make it "shocking."

You can pretty much assume she'll be wearing no pants in that case.

One idea that was nixed, however, was Brit performing "My Prerogative" while images of Justin Timberlake, K-Fed and others flashed on a screen behind her.

Meanwhile, R&B singer Ne-Yo has been working on Britney's comeback album... or at least was. He was a big part of it and was asked to write a half a dozen songs for her. But Ne-Yo told Ryan Seacreast on his KIIS-FM radio show that things (stunningly) went awry.

"I have no idea what's going on with Britney Spears," Ne-Yo said. "The last thing I heard is that Britney is mad over some songs that wound up going to Nicole Scherzinger."

"I was working with Britney Spears' people. I wrote 6-8 songs for Britney Spears. Then Britney goes ahead and shaves her head, goes into rehab and when that happened I lost all contact with her A&R people, with her label. I was calling them, they weren't answering my calls. So in the process of all that going on, that's when I met Nicole Scherzinger. I played her two songs, she loved them, they cut the check and she recorded the songs. So when that happened that's when Britney's people called and said 'why are you giving away Britney's songs' and I say 'uhh, hold on... y'all didn't cut me a check!'"

Ne-Yo says he saved two "special" songs for Britney. When asked if it's possible for her to make a comeback, he sighed, then said he seemed to think it was. Compelling.

Wow, nice going Britney. Letting possible hit songs go to a damn Pussycat Dolls product. Even Jayden James Federline has to be shaking his head over this one.

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Believe it or not, Keira Knightley has named James McAvoy, her latest co-star, the best. Kisser. Ever.

Eat your heart out, Rupert Friend. Then go make Keira some dinner and eat that. Man, she's thin.

Scarlett Johansson Nude Photo

"James McAvoy is the best kisser ever!" said a giggling Keira Knightley, 22, of her Atonement co-star.

Despite kissing the likes of Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom, Knightley - who has been dating Rupert Friend for a good while - dubbed James McAvoy the best at the Venice Film Festival.

This isn't the first stunning revelation of its kind. Megan Fox, despite being hot (and engaged to Brian Austin Green), recently called Shia LeBouf the best kisser ever.

So there. McAvoy, 28, reciprocated the compliment saying, "I was blown away by Keira. The amount of poise and grace she has is incredible."

If by poise and grace, he means "skin and bones," then we couldn't agree with you more, James. Very well put.

In Atonement, a war drama set in 1935, a possibly nude Keira Knightley plays Cecilia Tallis, an upper-class beauty whose fledgling love affair with a young housekeeper's son (James McAvoy) is destroyed by a tragic misunderstanding.

James McAvoy - who is married to British actress Anne-Marie Duff - said he was enjoying Venice "very much," adding, with a smile, "it's very romantic."

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