Free Britney

Free Britney

Teaming up with Hilton Hater to bring you the latest celebrity news, Hollywood rumors and gossip since 6/6/06.

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Poor Pete Wentz.

He just wants to wear makeup, play his mediocre brand of pop-rock and get a little no-regrets tang from Ashlee Simpson on the side. It's an admirable life to aspire to.

But went he and his friend with benefits true love went to pass through airport security recently, the Fall Out Boy lyricist and bassist received some bad news...

Damn airlines. Not only do they rarely serve free food in this post-September 11 world, you can't bring a nail clipper or even more than a few ounces worth of gels or liquids!

Moreover, apparently you can only bring so much plastic waste on board, which pretty much means Ashlee Simpson should head down to the bus terminal ASAP.

After all, with all that plastic surgery - fake nose, breasts, chin and god knows what else - you never know what might pose a risk to passengers. Better safe than sorry.

Hopefully Heidi Montag also takes note of these new regulations.

As for Ash, there's a Greyhound ticket office around the corner, hon. Will this impact her career? No. We don't expect it last too long. Even Hayden Panettiere sings better.

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Now that he's "shed a few pounds," oil(y) heir Brandon Davis, a.k.a. "Greasy Bear" is apparently having trouble holding his liquor.

Or he's just a jackass. Or both.

Trouble for Brandon Davis

Spies at the recent wedding reception of his older brother - Alexander - yes, there is yet another bear - snitched that Brandon Davis caused an uproar.

He celebrated Alexander's marriage to his Greek girlfriend (sadly, not a relative of fellow heir / club fixture Stavros Niarchos) by "getting into an enormous fight with his father," Turkish-American wine importer Nebil Zarif.

Yes, Greasy Bear, along with brothers Alexander and Jason Davis, a.k.a. Gummi Bear, is partly a Middle Eastern Bear.

One who, of course, ridiculed Paula Abdul's Middle Eastern heritage in the not so distant past. Yeah. He's not smart. Or classy. At all.

He also has more grease in his hair than Spencer Pratt. Thus the nickname.

Sources at the reception say Brandon Davis, whose oily sheen is one of the seven wonders of the celebrity gossip universe, was "acting belligerent" and "knocking over chairs and flower arrangements" at the Mantage Resort in Laguna Beach.

"[Brandon Davis] got so upset, he sent tables crashing ... he had to be carried out of the reception," says a witness.

Davis, a Hollywood rich kid who is notorious for obnoxious outbursts and screaming rants (remember Firecrotch), did not return calls for comment.

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As Dr. Elliot Reid from Scrubs might put it, who the frick is this guy? He has been seen driving Britney Spears around town, but no one seems to know his name - or his frickin' deal.

Men seem to come and go in Britney Spears' life, after all. There's Perry the Manny, J.R. Rotem, Isaac Cohen, Jason Filyaw, Columbus Short, John Sundahl and the two losers she married.

Pink Bikini Pic

Now the buzz is building around the identity of the chiseled, square-jawed man with tousled brown hair who's been out with Britney in recent days.

This weekend marked the latest in a string of public sightings of Britney Spears with the mystery gentleman, who is often seen hiding behind dark sunglasses.

They turned up at Bel Air Presbyterian Church on Sunday, with Brit carrying son Jayden James, 10 months, and the man toting a crying Sean Preston, 22 months.

So he's handsome and good with kids. But who and what is he? Is he just a driver or has he seen Britney Spears naked? The Internet has been abuzz with speculation, but no ID.

No, the no-neck mystery man is just there, doing his thing, driving Britney Spears around in her black Mercedes and helping her with the kids.

The church visit followed some poolside frolicking and a night out with Spears in which they went to LA's Pantages Theater see the musical Wicked ... or at least the first part.

Britney Spears and the mystery man ducked out about an hour into the show. Classy/No offense was taken by the producers, fortunately.

"She came in late, and stayed for about an hour and left," says Wicked rep Tim Choy. "She loves the show. She's seen it several times."

Can you help us identify Britney Spears' no-neck new boyfriend / bodyguard / chauffeur / whoever he is? Please leave us a comment if you can give us the exclusive scoop!

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What better way to celebrate the freedom of the United States of America than a photo finish featuring two of this great country's hottest bodies?

How about a photo finish pitting the preening, bikini-wearing Heidi Montag from The Hills against Andy Baldwin in a Speedo?

Heidi Bends Over

On July 4, The Hills star was casually snapped in a red, white and blue bikini (what are the odds), showing off her attention-craving patriotic side and causing male onlookers to roll their eyes turn their heads. Yes, with Heidi Montag, every day is a new photo op.

Sadly, this pic shows that was plenty of trash on the beach with Montag that day, including the Styrofoam cup in the foreground and Spencer Pratt. Littering really isn't enforced enough.

Meanwhile, The Bachelor star, Lt. Andy Baldwin, showed off his signature ripped six pack and ... well, other things. That's some bathing suit, man. When you wear a Speedo, you gotta be ready to take the abuse. Then again, Andy Baldwin could kick our asses.

The Navy diver competed in a swim contest in Hawaii on Saturday and ... oh, who gives a crap! Just go back to looking at Baldwin's bulge in all its soaked, spandex glory!

Which hot body do you prefer? Who's the luckier fiance(e), that douchebag Pratt or Baldwin's future bride, Tessa Horst? Leave us a comment with your thoughts.

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According to a fan site devoted to the underage hotness that is Hayden Panettiere, we only have 42 days (41.5, actually) left until we can feel slightly less dirty about discussing her.

Pretty Hayden Panettiere Pic

Specifically, the kinds of thoughts she conjures up while strutting around town in ludicrously hot red dresses, like the one she sports in the photo taken at right of her at Nickelodeon Studios.

She may not be able to carry a tune, but the petite 17-year-old Heroes actress dropped jaws in this tight-fitting outfit over the weekend, making us think she's on her way to bigger and better things.

Like Cinemax.

Anyway. When August 21 rolls around, the junior varsity Hollywood bad girl will be considered an adult, and will finally able to vote, buy cigarettes or join the military.

Oh, and have legal sex with Stephen Colletti. For that guy, 42 days has to feel like an eternity. Well, unless he's hit that already. Which he has, in all likelihood.

Come on. Guy two-timed Lauren Conrad with Kristin Cavallari for crying out loud. Clearly he knows a thing or two about sneakily getting some from hot teenagers.

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First, it was strippers and porn. Then gambling and choking of the proverbial chicken.

Now it's a footstool, rugs and a king-size bed that have taken center stage in the divorce case of Anne Heche and estranged buffoon Coley Laffoon.

In documents filed in L.A. Superior Court, Coleman "Coley" Laffoon accuses Anne Heche of taking a number of items - including the master bedroom and yoga-room rugs - from the L.A. home they share.

Under the terms of a judge's temporary order, they alternate use of the house they share whenever Heche is in L.A. That's about as normal as Britney Spears' relationship with her mom.

Coley Laffoon is now asking that the court order the actress to return the property and prohibit her from removing any more items.

Laffoon also alleges that when he returned to the home July 1 and found the furniture missing, he "discovered that [Anne Heche] had gone into my closet and ripped the buttons off of 19 of my shirts and removed some of my pants."

As crazy as Anne Heche clearly is, come on man. Who needs pants when you just sit around and download nude celebrity photos online and ... well, you know.

You know what we're saying, right, Kevin Blatt?

Anne Heche denies Laffoon's claims, and says that all the items she took - her list includes four pillows from Bali, pink bedding and a "picture of saint" - were hers.

"All of the furniture, furnishings, artwork, etc. that was acquired during marriage and paid for with funds earned during the marriage remains at the home," she says in court papers.

The furniture fracas comes weeks after a judge ruled the former couple's 5-year-old son Homer will live with his loser father in L.A. while Heche films Men in Trees in Canada.

He will have alternate weekend visits with Anne Heche, a one-time and possibly future lesbian, while she shoots the ABC show.

Laffoon, 33, a former videographer who married Heche in 2001, filed for divorce in February, triggering a war of words and custody dispute.

He has questioned Heche's lack of parenting and sanity, and accused the actress of resorting to lies to win custody of - and destroy his relationship with - their son.

Heche, who is dating her Men In Trees co-star, James Tupper, has defended her parenting and accused Laffoon of making outrageous financial demands.

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Lionel Richie says he "doesn't know" if his daughter, Nicole Richie, is pregnant. Obviously, he doesn't read this or any other celebrity gossip site.

After all, it's pretty well confirmed that Nicole is pregnant.

Nonetheless, Lionel Richie poked fun at himself for being an out-of-touch father of late, pleading to People, "Nicole, baby, call me!"

The pop legend was serious, though, in discussing how his life might change if his daughter is pregnant - and she definitely is.

"Grandpa, man, that's wild," Lionel Richie said at the Essence Music Festival in New Orleans on Saturday. "I don't know if I'm going to be grandpa. I don't know if I'm ready to be called grandpa."

Lionel, you can drop the "if," man. Sure as summer days are long and Paris Hilton's pussy seems to pop up in many celebrity photo galleries, your daughter's got a bun in the oven.

As for his daughter's fame, Lionel says that Nicole Richie is "living her life under a microscope, but it's the kind of life you live at that age."

Richie also told a group of reporters he believes Nicole is fabulous.

"She keeps apologizing [about being in the news so much], I tell you, she's doing exactly what you're supposed to do... she's living her life. If we had cell phones, MySpace, Internet back then, God knows what my parents would have known about The Commodores."

Lionel Richie, looking fit in blue jeans and a white dress shirt, played several of his hits from Commodores era at the Superdome on the final day of the Essence Music Festival.

The festival returned to New Orleans this year after a one-year move to Houston while the Katrina-damaged Superdome was being repaired.

"There comes a time in your career when people tell you that you've made it, and that's what I feel has happened to me," Richie said. "I just feel completely honored to apply these songs to be part of helping New Orleans recover, and I'm humbled by how this city has embraced me."

Saturday's concert for the city of New Orleans also featured Mary J. Blige, Kelly Rowland, Ne-Yo and Maze featuring Frankie Beverly.

"That, what you heard tonight, was pure foundation. I'm just sorry I didn't have my platform shoes and Afro," Lionel Richie said.

Lionel Richie says his immediate plans are to work on an album with Ne-Yo and go on tour in Europe and Australia.

Rowland, who performed snippets of several songs for about 20 minuets as the first act on Saturday, was also ecstatic to be in the Big Easy as a solo artist.

Said Kelly Rowland: "When I was four, I told my momma, 'I want to sing on stage like Whitney Houston with a red dress on.'"

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For all of those fearing that Hyde has jumped the proverbial shark, well, this isn't about to dispel that theory.

The man best known as Danny Tanner partied it up in L.A. Sunday. Yes, Bob Saget was the biggest celeb at Hyde, according to TMZ's club spies.

At least the Olsen Twins are old enough to get sloshed with him now.

Meanwhile, underage hottie Hayden Panettiere was spotted outside her home after visiting Nickelodeon Studios to support her little brother, Jansen Panettiere, in his new TV movie, Last Day of Summer.

Only 42 more days until she's legal. Just saying.

Back east, Akon and Samantha Cole were spotted rocking out to Amy Winehouse tunes in the Hamptons at the pleasure palace Star Room.

Fortunately, Akon did not smack that (well, at least not in public). We're sure he tried his best to throw someone off stage. Danah Allyene was probably mad jealous.

While Akon looked on, lyricist extraordinaire L'il Jon entered the scene and entertained the crowd from the DJ booth, taking over the beats.

We can only imagine, having heard his collaborations with Usher about 10 million times, that this involved a lot of L'il Jon screaming "Okaaaaay" and "Yeahhh!"

Meanwhile, back in the city, she of the large booty, Kim Kardashian and himbo Wilmer Valderrama rocked the Estrada Entertainment party at Home.

Hey, when you're no longer with Mandy Moore, you might as well move on to an inferior model. That guy's bedpost must be enormous to accommodate all those notches.

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A tremendous con-artist.

A notorious fraud.

A pathological liar and thief.

A man with outstanding warrants for his arrest, who has faced deportation as well as myriad financial problems.

Simon Monjack, a.k.a. Con-Jack, has been accused of all this and more by our readers since he secretly wed actress Brittany Murphy in May.

But for all the rumors floating around about Simon Monjack, we've never gotten a first-hand account of his shady, irrational and sick behavior. That is, until today.

An ex-girlfriend of Simon Monjack tells The Hollywood Gossip exclusively - and on the condition of anonymity - some of the highlights (lowlights) of their relationship.

She hopes that the list of some of his actions "helps in setting the record straight... [Simon Monjack] is a nasty man and definitely not someone I would ever want to encounter again."

In an interview with The Hollywood Gossip, our source listed a few of the things Simon Monjack did and said in the two years she dated him.

  • He told me he owned the airline Air Jamaica and it was used primarily for drug and gun running
  • He told me he'd murdered someone in N.Y., and that's how he's linked to the DEA
  • He told me one of his daughters (illegitimate - by a French ambassador's wife - Veronique) was killed in a road accident in 1996. His mother confessed that this was a lie.
  • He robbed various people in the UK under a company he exploited called 'Support British Film'
  • He told me he was constantly tracked by the Customs & Excise in England - apparently he would tip them off about gun/drug smuggling on his aircraft and Air India.
  • This is perhaps the funniest. He told me he had a homosexual affair with Damian Hirst when they lived in N.Y. (Broom Street). When they broke up, Damian gave him a picture entitled "I Feel Fine." Simon's ex-wife, Marcia, had damaged the picture, so Simon repaired it with glue (!?)
  • He was frequently calling sex lines in Gambia.
  • Prior to moving to the US in 1996 he stole gold and diamond jewellery (and my engagement ring) from his grandmother and pawned it on Bond Street.
  • He assured a young L.A. film producer (John) that he could distribute his film (Simon was working for another fraudster - Harry Bloom?) but, in fact, took the guy's reels and stored them in his office
  • He told various neighbours and rental agents that we'd been married in Vegas so he was tight with cash and couldn't pay rent.
  • I can't begin to tell you how many cheques he's bounced.

And so it continues for Simon Monjack. Will Brittany Murphy see the light, or will she remain oblivious? Will Monjack's troubles with the law catch up with him in time? Stay tuned.

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Our apologies to all fans who momentarily thought they could get a look at Britney Spears nude here today. Not gonna happen, sadly.

However, we offer you the next best thing. Britney and her no-neck mystery man frolicking in the pool at her Malibu estate with her two sons!

Drugged Up and Happy

PHOTO CREDIT: TMZ / Flynet

Here, the naked Jayden James Federline is being handed off by the alleged man, who may be a bodyguard, chauffeur or boyfriend, or any or all of the above.

Meanwhile, Sean Preston Federline patiently waits his turn. What a l'il pimp! He doesn't need to cry or be passed around or wear pants. Pants are for suckaz.

It's either hard to find swimsuits for kids in L.A., or they've been reading too much about their nudity-loving mother in various online celebrity news publications.

Is Britney Spears dating this man? We have no frickin' idea. What is his name? No clue on that, either. Help us out if you can. But we can tell you two things:

  1. Amy Winehouse wears that hairstyle better. And can sing.
  2. Sean Preston and Jayden James' estranged grandma, Lynne Spears, was nowhere to be found.