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Free Britney

Teaming up with Hilton Hater to bring you the latest celebrity news, Hollywood rumors and gossip since 6/6/06.

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We officially hate Nick Zano.

Well, not really. He never did anything to us, and he doesn't come across like a sleazy, contemptible, acne-riddled dweeb like Spencer Pratt.

Kristin at the Salon

But we can't help but be a little jealous of Nick Zano after learning that former Laguna Beach cutie Kristin Cavallari, his girlfriend of a little less than a year, decided to move in with him.

Yes, Us Weekly reports that Kristin, who recently finished filming the new movie Spring Breakdown with Amy Poehler, moved her possessions into Zano's home recently.

"She's happy," says a pal of Kristin Cavallari.

Well, we would hope that precludes moving in with a guy. Kristin and Nick, who met on the set of a Revenge of the Nerds remake (which was later axed by the studio), have tattoos of each other's initials on their wrists, so you know this relationship is built to last!

"I've always wanted someone who's there for me," Kristin said a few months ago, and now that she's moved in with Nick Zano, she's gotten her wish!

Seriously, though, we're happy for them. Now all we need is for Lauren Conrad to meet a nice fellow and all things will be right in the Laguna universe.

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While Britney Spears has been stripping and partying and cruising around town with Daimon Shippen, her ex-husband is looking for something a little more low-key.

A source close to Kevin Federline tells Us Weekly that the 29-year-old backup dancer, aspiring rapper and father of many children met with the program director at L.A. radio station KIIS-FM to talk about becoming a DJ.

"I know he's going to do some stuff at a station - he had an interview at KIIS... he's in talks to to be a DJ on KIIS," said the pal.

Can you see Kevin Federline as a spinster? It works as a career for DJ AM, a.k.a. Adam Goldstein, and he's dated some hot girls. As well as Nicole Richie.

A KIIS-FM source confirms the meeting, but calls any discussions about Kevin Federline "informal."

The source adds, "He really wants to be on radio. He's made that clear." Hopefully, his new girlfriend, Liz Hernandez, supports this career move.

The only question is whether he's as good at DJ'ing as he is at producing offspring (you know Jayden James won't be his last), or as bad as he is at rap.

He's terrible. Check out his video for "Lose Control."

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Talk about splitting hairs.

When Hollywood's whore-able ho-tel heiress and the reigning celebrity gossip king (or queen, as he calls himself) get together in Southern California, the only question on our minds is who we'd rather be stranded on a desert island with.

Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt Pic

Well, we might pick Hayden Panettiere before either one. Just maybe.

But let's assume Paris and Perez Hilton were the only pair of options in this scenario. Clearly, they know the kind of conundrum this poses.

As Paris Hilton and the celebrity gossip blog god who co-opted her name (as well as copyrighted celebrity photos without permission) strut down the street, the debate is on...

Who sucks worse? It truly is a duel to the death.

 

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Aww. How sweet. Check out this cute couple canoodling in the Big Apple.

Well, at least it would be a cute couple if that weren't Brandon Davis, a.k.a. Greasy Bear, under that hoodie. That's a cute girl with him, though!

Kim and Brandon

Below, a sweatsuited Greasy Bear and his new girlfriend (seriously), model Cheyenne Tozzi of Australia, a.k.a. Koala Bear, were spotted having an early dinner in Manhattan.

Among the qualities of Cheyenne Tozzi that Brandon Davis admires is her ability to absorb copious amounts of the sweat and smoke emanating from him.

Despite Cheyenne's love, we can't help but notice that Brandon Davis looks a tad sad. Perhaps it's true that Greasy Bear's oil heir parents have cut off his money supply?

Or maybe he is depressed about getting kicked out of his brother Alexander's wedding… or can't shake the image of his other brother, Jason Davis, brawling with Perez Hilton.

Either that, or like the rest of us, he's praying for Britney Spears.

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Cat fight! Cat fight! Meow!!!!

If you think we're a bunch of classless pigs for making light of a family's personal matters and hoping a sexy cat fight breaks out, well, hey, at least our celebrity news writers weren't indicted as part of a federal dogfighting probe like Michael Vick.

Anyway, the brewing bad blood between Britney Spears and her mother has reportedly risen to a new level - it's gotten physical.

The troubled pop princess and her mom, Lynne Spears, got into a shocking slap-fight back in mid-June that "left Lynne shaken and Britney Spears more determined than ever to cut her mother out of her life for good," according to MSNBC.

The trouble reportedly began when Lynne Spears stopped by the house of Britney Spears without an invitation on the weekend of June 15.

"Lynne barged into the house and insisted on taking the kids out to spend some private time with them," an insider tells Star. "She didn't ask or suggest... she demanded! Then she began denigrating Britney's mothering skills and losing her temper at the same time!"

What? Criticizing Britney's parenting of Jayden James? Just because the little guy looks like he's force-fed pork rinds doesn't make Brit a bad mother.

Still, it was because of the cat fight that Spears recently served legal papers against her mother, but the buzz right now is that Lynne Spears is mulling a countersuit.

LEFT: Britney Spears back when she was, like, really, really hot, like three or four years ago. RIGHT: Lynne Spears with Britney Spears' little sister, Jamie Lynn Spears.

But despite their ongoing feud, Lynne Spears doesn't completely blame her eldest daughter, who she thinks is spiraling downward into depression.

"Despite their problems, Lynne cares deeply for Britney and wants to help her," a source told Star. "She thinks anti-depressants may be the answer. Lynne feels Britney has depression, in large part because of her apparent manic behavior and problems with alcohol."

Brit's ex, Kevin Federline, was reportedly doing it wheelbarrow style with Liz Hernandez and couldn't be reached for comment. Just kidding, we totally made that up.

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Well, at least this puts to rest any rumors that Britney Spears has been completely neglecting her youngest son, Jayden James Federline.

The kid is clearly getting enough to eat. Seriously, what the hell is Alli Sims Britney feeding Jayden James? Every single celebrity news article about his mother? Geez.

Circus at MSG

In the JustJared photo composite below, you see Britney and her sons out for a spin to the local Starbucks. Jayden James got a 730-calorie muffin and a double espresso.

From left to right: Jayden James Federline, 10 months, Britney Spears, 25 years (going on 12) and Sean Preston Federline, 21 months. Quite the cute crew.

After circling the Starbucks parking lot at least four times, Britney Spears for drove around the block, back and forth, over and over again (as Al Gore seethes) until finally stopping. Her friend hopped out and went into Starbucks while the "singer" stayed put.

Jayden James looks rather subdued, while Sean Preston doesn't look thrilled to be there. But when you're used to big pimpin' in an Escalade, well, that car seat can suck it.

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Spencer Pratt loves fiancee Heidi Montag.

That new boob job may have a little something to do with it.

Cheers to a Fake Relationship

Whatever the appeal is, Spencer has hitting the town with his alleged future bride - and videotaping Heidi's every move! Smile, ladies!

TMZ was on Robertson Boulevard Monday as the PDA-prone, painfully annoying brats from The Hills went on a "spontaneous" shopping spree, with the smarmy Spencer Pratt whipping out his ... videocamera to record the day's festivities.

After dropping some major coin at Lisa Kline, Sky, Kitson and a sunglasses store, Heidi and Spencer hoofed it back to the the Ivy to get their car.

Luckily, at that point, Spencer Pratt stopped taping for a few minutes so that the couple could field questions about their upcoming wedding.

"There's no rush," said Pratt.

A clearly delusional Heidi Montag added that her greasy, always-smirking man is "better looking" than David Beckham, adding Pratt is "a better boyfriend, I bet, too."

Huh? Sure thing, Heidi. Never mind that, for all their strangeness, David has been married to Victoria Beckham for many years and has three kids by her - and that they're actually one of the more stable celebrity couples out there.

Point being, the former BFF of Lauren Conrad isn't the sharpest tool in the shed. Ironically, however, Spencer Pratt is absolutely the biggest tool in it.

No word on if Spencer picked up the camcorder again later that night for a more intimate recording. We're talking about a Heidi Montag sex tape. Hey, anything goes for publicity and money, right? Would you put it past these two conniving weasels?

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Man. And we thought Alex Rodriguez was in a dogfight to save his marriage after those photos of him with stripper mistress Joslyn Noel Morse were leaked by the New York Post.

Turns out, he's got it easy compared to Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick, who was indicted on federal charges related to illegal dogfighting.

Yes, dogfighting in the literal sense. As in dogs brutally maiming and killing each other.

Yes, this actually goes on, and is less attractive, and even more violent and disturbing, than the Lauren Conrad / Heidi Montag catfights on The Hills, to say the least.

Anyway. Michael Vick was charged with illegal competitive dogfighting, with the Feds saying he's involved in the gruesome training pit bulls to fight other dogs.

Authorities searched Michael Vick's property and found 54 pit bulls and a host of brutal items including a "rape stand," used to hold dogs in place for mating; a treadmill modified for dogs, and a bloody piece of carpet.

Graves of seven pit bulls were found inside "Bad Newz Kennels," a Virginia property owned by Vick. The dogs were allegedly killed - after testing whether they would be good fighters.

According to documents, dogfights end when one dog dies or backs down. Dogs are sometimes put to death by drowning, strangulation, hanging, gunshots or electrocution.

Yikes. And we thought the Humane Society was pissed at Britney Spears.

The indictment alleges Vick and co-defendants began sponsoring dogfights in early 2001, the former Virginia Tech star's rookie year with the Falcons.

This isn't the first legal problem for Michael Vick, who once gave herpes to a girl (knowingly), then was sued for negligence and battery by her, at which point it was learned that he sought treatment for the STD under the super-clever alias Ron Mexico.

Bottom line? Michael Vick is a moron.

But our celebrity news reporters are torn. Dog fighting is so barbaric... but Vick led one of our teams to the fantasy football title a year ago. Maybe they will lock him up but set him up with a "supervised release" program for 16 Sundays next fall.

Or we could just draft Tom Brady instead. There's a guy who can really hit a tight end, if you know what we're talking about.

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Our girl Britney Spears, the alleged singer and current fixture on the Los Angeles club scene, will host the opening of LAX nightclub in Las Vegas next month, the Las Vegas Review-Journal reports.

LAX, whose investors include Britney's old Mickey Mouse Club mate Christina Aguilera and Nicole Richie's ex-fiancé, DJ AM, opens August 31 in the Luxor Hotel.

Nice Britney Spears Cover

"Britney Spears will host the grand opening," a club rep said Tuesday.

Since completing rehab in March, Britney Spears has been a club regular, most recently last weekend when she hit three hotspots in one night.

Along similar lines, that's what Tyler Atkins reportedly accomplished last night with Paris Hilton, if you know what we're saying. Okay, moving on.

She stopped by Ritual Supper Club to celebrate the birthday of her cousin and BFF and assistant, Alli Sims. Then it was off to Les Deux and Element, where she arrived with a group of seven gals and went on the dance floor.

It's not clear if Britney Spears, 25, will perform at the LAX opening. Odds are she will not. And if she happens to, she almost certainly won't sing.

The quote-unquote singer is working on a new album and has been seen visiting Millennium Dance Studio a lot, but no release date or performances have been announced.

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Contrary to online reports swirling on the Internets, sources close to Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz say they are not engaged. Phew.

That saves us the trouble of having to create a celebrity couple name in the vein of Kurban or Spederline or TomKat or Gyllenhaarsgaard.

A representative for Ashlee Simpson tells Us Weekly that the engagement rumors are "absolutely not true."

A celebrity news site called Popcrunch claimed that Wentz, 28, proposed to Simpson, 22, on July 7 before Fall Out Boy's performance at Live Earth.

Further, they speculate that the engagement stems from news that Ashlee Simpson is totally pulling a Nicole Richie: she's a worthless waif pregnant.

The site's sources say that the rumored engagement has been kept secret because Simpson fears overexposure - which plagued Nick Lachey and older sister Jessica Simpson.

If that were true, who could blame Ashlee? Older sis' career has gone nowhere but down since the divorce, while a resurgent Nick Lachey is actually making hit songs (and sex tapes) while seeing that fox Vanessa Minnillo nude every night.

Yes, while we commend the plastic surgery victim's alleged thinking should Wentz ever pop the question, the reason for the "secrecy" looks like simple nonexistence.

So, that's that. You may now return to debating whether or not the Paris Hilton nipple slip we saw Monday is worse than Britney Spears' recent efforts.

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