Free Britney

Thanks, as always, to People for this collection of celebrity quotes...

"Maybe after having kids, if my boobs dropped down to my belly button, I would get them lifted. ... Maintenance. But you know, my boobs are real."
- Jessica Simpson, on not ruling out plastic surgery (which runs in the family)

"I am genuinely happy for the two of them. In fact, I sent them flowers to congratulate them both. I've spent time with her, and my girls really like her. That's all that matters to me."
- Denise Richards, on ex-husband Charlie Sheen's new fiancée Brooke Mueller

"I am now officially ordained. Yep, that's right. Reverend Tori Spelling!"
- Tori Spelling, on adding minister to her résumé, on her MySpace blog

"I think they have this impression that I'm this miserable cow who doesn't smile. But I'm actually quite the opposite. ... I'm going to try and smile more for America."
- Victoria Beckham

"It's a boat... It's kinda big."
- A Kim Porter-less Diddy, describing his yacht to David Letterman

"I'm working on the sexiest projects around the world. So to me to be on a TV show every single day at a designated period of time just wouldn't work for my schedule."
- Ivanka Trump on not wanting to co-host The View

"All of the going out he did after we broke up sort of shocked me. When we were together, he hated stuff like that, so I felt like I didn't really know him as well as I thought I did."
- Hilary Duff, on ex-boyfriend Joel Madden's post-breakup behavior

It's not about celebrity or not. It's all about, do you have that 'girl in a cardigan' in you. You gotta have that."
- Office star John Krasinski, on looking for a real-life Pam Beesly

Oil(y) heir Brandon Davis, a.k.a. "Greasy Bear," was spotted yesterday in Miami Beach. He was even more oiled up than usual, but that's not even the point of this post.

Brandon Davis was spotted with, get this, a hot girl.

Guess having access to tens of millions carries some allure. In any case, Greasy Bear apparently landed Australian model Cheyenne Tozzi… a.k.a. Koala Bear?

Davis, who freaked the f*%k out at the wedding of his oldest brother, Alexander (a mysterious, as yet un-nicknamed bear) appears to be in better spirits than the last two times we've heard from him. Which is good to see from this Paris Hilton pal.

The same can't be said for his other brother, Jason Davis, a.k.a. Gummi Bear. Guy has some serious issues… and hates Perez Hilton somethin' awful.

You know what they say. The alcohol-impaired, spoiled, bleach blonde, worthless apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Yes, Brooke Ashley Brinson, a cousin of Paris Hilton, was arrested late last year for DUI and - like her more famous, equally trashy cousin - also had issues with her license.

Next they're gonna tell us she's got sex photos sitting around. Yikes.

Unlike Paris Hilton, however, whose blood alcohol level was just at the .08 that constitutes a DUI in California, Brinson blew at least a 0.15 - which led to another charge of DUI.

What's more, Brooke Ashley Brinson was just 20 years old.

Paris will probably want to avoid using Brooke as a designated driver anytime soon. Brooke was driving a Benz - registered to Hilton - that allegedly caused a four-car collision on the freeway.

Above is Brooke Ashley Brinson's mug shot. Now that's hotttt. Certainly one of the trampier celebrity mug shots we've come across in recent years.

Brooke Ashley Brinson will be back in court on August 3. Below is a picture of these two kissin' cousins - as well as her parents. Doesn't it melt your heart?

No. But somewhere, Britney Spears' cousin Alli Sims is seething that she's no longer Hollywood's best-known cousin of a train wreck.

Everyone's been trying to figure out who Britney Spears new mystery man / new boyfriend is. Us Weekly kinda dropped the ball yesterday, but X17 came through: it's Daimon Shippen.

Yes, a source tells X17 that Daimon is the man - he last worked as a production assistant on the movie "Road To Red," which starred Chris Blasman (!?) - a guy Britney Spears was photographed with last week at the Chateau Marmont.

The dirt on Daimon Shippen ...

• He was fired from his former employment agency, Galahad Security, because he allegedly owned a sex toy / Internet porn website.
• Following that firing, Daimon Shippen used a domestic service employment agency that doesn't perform background checks.
• There's a rumor that Daimon Shippen may not be into girls (and Britney Spears' real "boyfriend" is named Sam, according to X17's source).
• Daimon Shippen is rumored to have an apartment in Santa Monica, Calif. - a Mr. Daimon Shippen competing in a Santa Cruz, Calif., triathlon last year was listed as a Santa Monica resident, age 34.

Since Britney Spears and Daimon Shippen were first spotted together a week ago, celebrity news sites have been trying to decipher his identity.

Not to mention what the heck is deal is. Is the guy her driver? Assistant? A nanny? Escort? Boyfriend? The new man has been one of mystery. One that hasn't been fully solved yet.

Interestingly, on a side note, Britney Spears apparently doesn't even know John Sundahl, her supposed AA mentor who many thought was the man we now know is Daimon Shippen. Britney has been rumored to be dating John Sundahl since getting out of rehab.

There may be a 10-year age gap, a nine-inch height difference, and many thousand miles between their native Australia and Connecticut.

But thanks to matching golden locks and flawless skin, 5-foot-flat Aussie pop icon Kylie Minogue (left), 38, could double as a "mini-me" of sorts for 5-foot-9 Grey's Anatomy surgical intern and Knocked Up star Katherine Heigl (right).

What do you think? See the resemblance?

Eh, maybe not. But give us a break, alright?

Keep in mind that we've recently linked Jennifer Toof, a.k.a. "Toastee" to Mena Suvari, sellout chef Rachael Ray to teen idol Miley Cyrus, and Mary-Kate Olsen to ET. Yes, the alien. This is mostly for fun. And an excuse to talk about Katherine Heigl. Man she's hot!

Next up? A comparison of Daimon Shippen to an SNL's unfrozen caveman lawyer. After that? Those supposedly "controversial" and "nude" Amy Polumbo photos to pictures that any college girl in America has taken. Only Amy's are more vanilla.

Apparently, Britney Spears is looking to turn over a new leaf. To make a new start.

Right, and The Hollywood Gossip is looking to quit writing about The Hills, embattled beauty queens, celebrity babies and random D-list "stars" who put out (then put out sex tapes).

Anyway. Britney Spears' Beverly Hills mansion is now back on the market as of Wednesday for $7.495 million, and the train wreck is even offering to sell the place fully furnished.

The 25-year-old mother of Sean Preston and Jayden James Federline bought the 9,000-square foot home for $7.2 million in December 2006, then put it up for sale last February.

Spears then took it off the market two months later after deciding to move back in following her rehab stint, which she claims was "bogus."

The Tuscan Villa-style abode, located in a posh gated community, includes six bedrooms, 6.5 bathrooms, a gourmet chef's kitchen, a media room, and maids' quarters - just a tad bigger than our current celebrity news HQ.

Man, six bedrooms. That's a lot of walls. If they could talk... they'd be giving us the play-by-play of J.R. Rotem tagging Britney wheelbarrow style back in December.

The master suite (which Britney Spears may use a lot with new boyfriend Damon) boasts a fireplace and a balcony overlooking the grounds and a sparkling pool.

The "singer"'s Malibu home has also been on the market since November. It was initially listed for $13.5 million, but Spears has lowered the asking price to just under $12 million.

Maybe she can give Jamie Lynn Spears a discount.

No, Orlando Bloom won't bare his rear end in London's West End, much to the disappointment of fans buying tickets to his stage debut.

We know, fans. It's a terribly tragic travesty.

The Pirates of the Caribbean star, 30, who recently announced he wanted to take a break from movies, hits the boards for the first time Thursday, starring in the David Storey play In Celebration.

Some Orlando Bloom fan sites claim that he will be getting naked onstage, much like a certain teenager and Harry Potter star, Daniel Radcliffe, who got naked in his own stage debut, the play Equus.

NOTE: Due to rules imposed by our advertisers, we are unable to display the pic of Daniel Radcliffe naked.

NOTE #2: However, as a (big) consolation, we invite you to view Shemar Moore naked.

"I heard what they're saying," Orlando Bloom tells Britain's The Guardian. "But you've read the play. Where would I possibly get my clothes off in it? It's bizarre."

Find a way, man. Get nude. And get Keira Knightley in there with you. Such amazing chemistry there! It's a shame to waste it.

In the play, about three brothers who escape the mining life represented by their father, Bloom is at one point invited to take off his ... coat (HOT) ... but, sadly, that's the only disrobing in the production set in the gritty north of England.

He does, however, sport a new mustache for the role. Wonder how his ex, Kate Bosworth, feels about that. Probably so sick to her stomach that she just won't eat.

To some celebs, such as Kim Kardashian, Olivia Mojica and Paris Hilton, doggy style is just something you do to kill time... and make some money off sex tape sales.

To others (fortunately), it's more about fun, companionship and cuteness. Not to mention a fashionable accessory. Truly, little dogs are all the rage in Hollywood these days.

Let's take a look at a few stars and their furry friends. Below, Kristin Cavallari gives her pooch a lift during a morning outing in L.A. this week. While Lauren Conrad always melts our hearts, we'll say the same about K-Cav if we see a few more pictures like this one!

Also below (right), Jessica Simpson and her BFF and companion, Daisy, are seen at LAX airport in this selection exhumed from our archives of celebrity pictures.

Now here's the wonderful Jennifer Love Hewitt in The Hollywood Dog magazine with her puppy, and the pregnant Nicole Richie posing with her little Shih Tzu, Honeychild.

Lastly, we have Jake Gyllenhaal, apparently a big To Kill a Mockingbird fan, who has two dogs: Atticus Finch and Boo Radley. He's seen here with one of them.

Which celebrity dog pairing is your favorite?

Yesterday, we brought you a fun quiz, courtesy of a fellow celebrity news site, in which you had to identify a seriously f-i-n-e celebrity piece of ass. Literally.

If you haven't tested your skillz on that one yet, follow the fine ass link. We won't spoil the results by telling you who those seriously ultry buns belong to.

Today's trivia is a bit more straightforward… and inspired by the t-shirt donned by the youngster in question. We ask you, fans, who is the person in the celebrity photo below?

Is it Britney Spears in yet another hideous disguise? Is it her mystery Alcoholics Anonymous counselor, John Sundahl? Keira Knightley? Audrina Patridge from The Hills?

Who is this mystery celebrity out for a stroll and trying to keep a low profile? We think you can get this easy one. Follow the jump to find out.

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Is Britney Spears already off the wagon?

Is the Pope Catholic? Is Lindsay Lohan a waifish harlot? Does George W. Bush have trouble using complete sentences?

Do bears $h!t in the woods? Are Family Guy quotes funny? Shall we continue making our point?

It seems obvious to us that Brit is hitting the bottle again. But MSN reports that the "rehabbed" star is indeed having trouble steering clear of alcohol, and that's not her only problem.

Britney Spears is "drinking heavily again, binge shopping and eating like there's no tomorrow," according to Star.

What's more, the singer is jeopardizing her cherished relationship with kid sister Jamie Lynn Spears thanks to her ongoing feud with their mother, Lynne Spears.

"On several occasions, I have seen her pouring alcohol into energy drink cans," a source told the tabloid, suggesting there's little chance we'll see Brit sober up anytime soon.

Says another insider: "Britney Spears requests that alcohol be served in carafes rather than in bottles. Once, a waitress made the mistake of bringing her a bottle. Britney grabbed her arm and told her angrily that she couldn't be seen with it."

Spears caused a scene at the L.A. club Joseph's June 25, stripping down to a purple bra and "dancing and singing her own music, which she brought in," an observer told Star.

She allegedly was also "brazenly flirting" with DJ Eric Cubiche, even though his fiancée, actress Jaime Pressly, was nearby. The seething star of My Name Is Earl, who gave birth to Cubiche's son in May, is reported to have "played it cool."

Britney Spears is also said to have been on a "major spending spree" and is eating so much that her washboard abs are just a memory.

Then there's the strife with her family. Says a friend:

"[Jamie Lynn Spears] and Britney have always been close, but Jamie Lynn thinks Britney is cruel, especially after all that their mom did for her. Jamie Lynn wants it to stop."

Poor Britney. What a train wreck. Well, at least she has Damon.