Free Britney

The amazing Britney Spears apologized this week to X17 for her umbrella bashing rage last February, blaming it on a movie part she was trying out for.

Now, on her official site, she posted a note… again apologizing to X17 (though not in name) … for her infamous, furious pre-rehab, head-shaved umbrella attack.

Why Britney Spears is bringing up, and making light of this now, 4-5 months after the incident, is beyond this distributor of celebrity news.

But she explains that her insane, bald-headed umbrella attack was merely part of a "stunt" while preparing her "character" for a role in a movie ….

"I take all my roles very seriously and got a little carried away," quips the train wreck, echoing her apology to the celebrity photo firm. "Unfortunately, I didn't get the part."

Stunning.

The website, as we previously reported, also asks the few remaining die hard fans (of Britney, not the new Die Hard movie) to help name her upcoming album.

The choices "fans" can make? "Omg is Like Lindsay Lohan Like Okay Like," "What if the Joke is on You," "Down boy," "Integrity," and "Dignity."

Suuuure. Wonder how AJ Lamas feels about his new babe's inclusion on this weird list. In any case, it's another day in the life of Jayden James Federline's crazy mama.

The attorney representing Jessica Smith, former star of MTV's Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County, entered a plea of guilty on misdemeanor DUI charges on behalf of Smith Monday.

Smith was sentenced to three years probation and ordered to attend one MADD meeting and serve 80 hours of community service.

Jessica Smith was charged in March after a car crash in which the vehicle she was driving slammed into the back of an Acura, causing "great bodily injury" to people in both cars.

The CHP report said her high level of intoxication, unsafe speed and wet roadways were conditions that led to the crash. Hey, at least one of the three wasn't a result of her idiocy.

This sexy Jessica Smith mug shot was released to the public after the incident.

While avoiding the Paris Hilton treatment (we're talking about getting her whiny ass locked up), Smith nonetheless amassed fines and penalties totaling more than $1,300.

Smith is most famous for dating deadbeat Jason Wahler on the reality hit, and for hooking up with him after they had broken up, ending his romance with Lauren Conrad.

Jessica Smith then officially became "that girl" who didn't leave town after high school and ended up dating Cameron Brinkman, a junior, during Season 3 of the show.

She's Celine Dion, in fact, compared to the likes of Brooke Hogan. And certainly Ashlee Simpson and Britney Spears, who don't even sing in concert.

Let's put it this way. When Hayden Panettiere made her live singing debut at the Capitol Fourth concert, she more than held her own... and made many teen boys hold theirs.

Sorry. But seriously, she's halfway decent - and this isn't her day job!

If her rendition of "Try" (see video below) were up against the likes of this season's crop of American Idol aspirants, Hayden would lose to the elite contenders - Jordin Sparks, Blake Lewis and Melinda Doolittle - but she'd give everyone else a good run.

Here's Hayden Panettiere signing in D.C. on Wednesday, July 4 ...

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTDumsoU5iY[/youtube]

What do you think? Is Hayden Panettiere worthy of a record contract? Or is her producer, J.R. Rotem, only working with her so he can ... well, you know.

Grammy winner Nelly Furtado is engaged to sound engineer Demo Castellon, who worked on her hit 2006 album Loose, People has confirmed.

Their close friend, music producer Timbaland, confirmed that they have gotten engaged when recently asked if the rumor was true. His reply?

"Yes."

The British Columbia-born Nelly Furtado, 28, told Blender in July 2006 she had a "secret boyfriend" of eight months, adding: "I just don't really talk about it. It's nobody famous or anything."

Ouch. Sorry, Demacio "Demo" Castellon. You're no one famous or anything!

Furtado has a three-year-old daughter, Nevis, with DJ and producer Jasper "Lil' Jaz" Gahunia. They split in 2005 after four years together, but are still close.

"We're fully active co-parents and really close friends," said the off-and-on Fergie rival of her amicable relationship with her ex.

Asked why the two had never married, Furtado said, "I'm kind of modern. I don't really live by society's standards. Maybe in the next five years I'll get married. One grandmother had eight kids, the other had 10. If I have that many kids, then I need a hubby."

Furtado, the Timbaland and Justin Timberlake collaborator who speaks three languages and is currently recording a Latin album, pulled off a clean sweep of Canada's Juno music awards.

Nominated in five categories, the "Promiscuous" one won every one, including album of the year. Steve Nash must be so proud.

Their engagement was first reported by that ass clown Perez Hilton.

Thanks to People for this great collection of celebrity quotes from the past week ...

"There are some things I like about L.A. You can have a really healthy lifestyle, and I love running with the dogs on the beach. It's just the social scene is horrific!"
- Mischa Barton (pictured), on the pros and cons of Hollywood

"The name means 'Thank God for Beef' ... Which is kinda lame."
- Shia LaBeouf, discussing the meaning of his unusual name with David Letterman

"I apologize to the pap for a stunt that was done 4 months ago regarding an umbrella. I was preparing my character for a roll [sic] in a movie where the husband never plays his part so they switch places accidentally. I take all my rolls [sic] very seriously and got a little carried away. Unfortunately I didn't get the part."
- Britney Spears, in a post on her Web site, addressing a run-in with celebrity news site X17 just before she entered rehab

"There is nothing gay in this movie. I'm not playing a gay man. Scientology is not homophobic in any way, in fact it's one of the more tolerant faiths."
- John Travolta, responding to critics who say his religion is intolerant of homosexuality and that he shouldn't have played Hairspray's Edna Turnblad because the role was made famous by a gay icon

"I am truly not one to give advice. I'm divorced and I stole my best friend's husband."
- Denise Richards, asked if she had any post-jail advice for Paris Hilton

"He's a good kisser and he didn't pay me to say that."
- Katie Leung, on Harry Potter costar Daniel Radcliffe's smooching

"I've never substituted a meal for a salad in my life."
- A pregnant Nicole Richie, to British Marie Claire

"That would probably go under the category of 'everything.'"
- Jack Wagner, on what he likes best about girlfriend Heather Locklear

"It's a romantic movie. Homer falls in love with a pig."
- The Simpsons creator Matt Groening about The Simpsons Movie

"I've been getting into a lot of older hip-hop music recently like Dr. Dre. Something about the summer brings it out in me."
- Hilary Duff, on the music she'll take with her when she hits the road for an upcoming concert tour.

As we confirmed earlier this week, Nicole Richie is, in fact, pregnant.

After weeks of hiding her stomach from the press, any pregnancy rumors have been put to rest:

Us Weekly has confirmed that Richie is 12 weeks pregnant with Joel Madden's child.

"She is extremely excited right now," says a source close Richie, who is preparing to welcome her first child into the world (same with Madden).

Richie, 25, shared the good news with her mom Brenda, and close friends like Mischa Barton, in early May, adds the Richie pal, after a pregnancy test came up positive.

And you know what? Pregnancy isn't Nicole Richie's only cause for celebration.

A source says that Joel Madden, 28, along with a few friends and his twin brother, Benji Madden, went shopping for an engagement ring.

And the twins' older brother, Josh Madden tells Us Weekly, "Nicole is awesome. I would love for them to get married!"

No word on whether Josh Madden was hanging out with Al Gore III and Pete Doherty at the time and apparently mistook Richie for someone else.

Both families are thrilled about the couple's baby joy. But Nicole Richie can't hide behind her bump forever.

The Simple Life star is due in court on July 11 on DUI charges from her December 2006 arrest, in which Wrong-Way Richie was driving while on pot and Vicodin. If found guilty, she may face 90 days to one year in jail because of a prior DUI arrest in 2003.

Can the baby save her? Or will she be sent to the can like Paris Hilton, only to be released and whine like a preening, self-promoting skank after just three weeks?

It's been brewing for awhile, but no one has cared because it's only that disgrace to celebrity news Perez Hilton, a.k.a. Mario Lavandeira, and oil heir Jason Davis, a.k.a. Gummi Bear.

But when words - and blows - are exchanged outside Les Deux, well, we've finally got to start covering this strange celebrity feud.

TMZ reports that an enraged Jason Davis body-slammed Perez in front of Les Deux last night as tensions between the two escalated.

Wearing a festive silk blouse that may have caused the extinction of silkworms, Gummi ripped Perez Hilton a new one as a response to Perez's vomit-filled tirade the other night.

Jason Davis has been in the news a lot lately, although mostly for his own punditry, and we're not really sure why anyone cares. But no matter.

Calling the portly celebrity gossip purveyor a "desperate homosexual," the portly, vehemently anti-racism Gummi Bear apparently doesn't mind a l'il homo hating.

Somewhere, Isaiah Washington is smiling.

After the dustup, Gummi waddled back to cameras to say that "Perez wishes he could be like the people he writes about," and added that Hilton is "a miserable, moronic human being."

Well, no one can argue with Jason Davis on that one.

Gummi Bear concluded his Perez Hilton hate-fest by saying that he didn't "give two sh!ts" about him. Half an hour later, he was hungry again.

In addition to being the lesser-known, less cool brother of Brandon Davis (yes, it's actually true), Jason is frequently seen on celebrity gossip blogs getting turned away at clubs.

That about sums it up.

Looks like our girl Britney Spears got herself yet another new guy - or has decided to hire an expressionless, no-neck chauffeur off the street.

Seriously, look at that guy. Where's your neck, pal? We can't see it! Yeah. He's clearly a caveman, or hopped up on more steroids than Chris Benoit.

The "singer" and train wreck looked downright calm at least. Well, for her. Britney rode (with) him to a 4th of July activity yesterday.

Her stubby-armed stubbly friend took the wheel, allowing Britney Spears time to make a few calls and adjust her makeup and "My Little Pony" hair.

Whoever he is, he's driving Britney Spears in his car. So you know what this guy's gotta be thinking: How he can get her into a wheelbarrow next? Eh? Eh?

The Hollywood Gossip challenges you, celebrity news readers, to identify this man. We need to know as soon as we can whether he is the next Isaac Cohen or Jason Filyaw.

When a determined Britney Spears served her mother with mystery legal documents last week, as we reported, she also delivered a stinging message along with them.

In prose.

The beleaguered "singer" has been angry and feuding with Lynne Spears because she felt her mother and others ambushed her into a bogus rehab trip.

Now, Britney wrote a poem, bitterly entitled "Dear Mama" and delivered it to her mother during her strange run-in last week, according to several publications.

In the poem, Britney Spears laments "that she doesn't have a mom anymore and she couldn't imagine a mother doing what she did to her child," a source told the tabloid Star.

Spears delivered the verse, along with legal papers, to her mother on June 28 on the set of "Zoey 101," the TV show starring Britney's sister, Jamie Lynn Spears.

Britney and Lynne Spears are reportedly also battling over the affections of Jamie Lynn. Have we mentioned that Britney and Jamie Lynn's dad's name is Jamie?

"Britney said, ‘Here Momma, I just wanted to see your face,'" a source told Star. "Then she got into her car and drove off. [Lynne Spears] went into the trailer and broke down in tears."

The CD reportedly contained private recordings of phone conversations between Lynne Spears and Britney Spears' estranged husband, Kevin Federline.

Spears is forbidding her mother from seeing her two sons, Sean Preston and Jayden James, and in one conversation, Lynne is said to be arranging to meet K-Fed and the boyz.

"I have to be careful that Britney doesn't find out," she conspires.

The recordings were allegedly made by a private investigator (!?) and in another call, Kevin Federline assured Spears' mother that his divorce battle was "going well."

"Kevin told Lynne that he had everything under control," adds the source. "He was just going to let Britney hang herself in court."

Dita Von Teese wants every woman to channel their inner… Dita Von Teese.

Forget the grainy Nick Lachey sex photo… this is gonna be a far better read. The tantilizing exotic dancer is penning a how-to on strip-teases, foreplay, sexual positions and advice:

Says a source about Dita's new book for women:

"Dita Von Teese is in talks with top publishers about writing a book on how to seduce your partner. It'll be aimed at women and very saucy. Not smutty. In fact, far from it."

No word on whether said book will include photos of Dita Von Teese nude in a martini glass. Yikes! Either way, sounds like it will be hot stuff.

Dita, of course, is the estranged wife of Marilyn Mansion… who  claims, among other negative things about her, that she was sub-par in the sack.

Manson, of course, has since taken up with Evan Rachel Wood, who is 19. Hard to imagine that's a step up from delicious Dita, but maybe he just likes ‘em young.

Run for it, Hayden Panettiere. He's got his eye on you next!