Free Britney

What is to become of Britney Spears' kids?

Spears' legal woes in her ongoing divorce from Kevin Federline may take a turn for the worse now that her cousin and former BFF and assistant, Alli Sims, has turned to FedEx - to help take Britney to court for custody.

A report from OK! Magazine claims that after hearing about Britney's spazz fest on Perez Hilton's website, Kevin spent hours Monday with his lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan.

K-Fed, who recently started dating Liz Hernandez, has been busy with Kaplan discussing all of his options for getting the kids out of Britney's care.

"Kevin is worried about Sean Preston and Jayden James' safety," a source close to Kevin Federline confirms to the weekly celebrity news magazine.

"Kevin had heard bits and pieces of what was going on from Brit's mother, Lynne Spears, and from the bodyguards, but has been trying to focus on getting along with her, and didn't want to believe she had completely lost it."

After Alli Sims recently stopped working for Britney, she and Lynne Spears reached out to Kevin and gave detailed info about her erratic behavior.

A longtime Britney Spears pal says:

"Alli Sims gave specific instances where Brit couldn't handle having the kids. Kevin was angry at Britney for putting his kids in jeopardy and immediately phoned his lawyer to investigate the claims further. He couldn't believe she had gotten so out of control."

Alli is planning to provide specific examples to help give full custody of Sean Preston and Jayden James to K-Fed, and finalize his divorce. Kevin's legal team is redrafting the divorce settlement to include Spears' recent public and private problems, and has already taken the step of contacting Britney's lawyers to set up a meeting.

LEFT: Britney Spears and cousin/assistant Alli Sims. RIGHT: Britney may have Kevin by the balls in this classic file photo, but she's losing the upper hand in their divorce case.

Reports of Britney Spears' epic meltdown at OK! Magazine - after she was the one who contacted them for a supposed tell-all interview - are wide ranging.

Perhaps the most ridiculous account of Spears' behavior is that after she wiped her greasy, fried chicken-covered hands on a $274 dress and picked up her new dog's feces with a $6,700 gown, Britney stole thousands of dollars in merchandise.

Britney Spears allegedly fled the disastrous photo shoot wearing $12,861 worth of jewelry, a $974 Vera Wang dress, $380 Lanvin heels and a $281 Pucci scarf. When the clothes Britney supposedly ruined are added, the total comes to $21,267.

Hey, Hilary Duff doesn't pay the billz with her mad vocab skillz.

The singer tells Maxim Magazine that she has "OCD" because she likes to clean a lot. That's like saying Lindsay Lohan is a helpless addict instead of a spoiled brat.

Hilary Duff says of her supposed disorder:

"I'm OCD when it comes to cleaning. I can't go to bed with a messy room. That would totally wig me out… It freaks me out to have dishes in the sink."

"I practically clean my hotel room before I check out," the younger sister of Haylie Duff continues. "I wish I weren't psychotic like that, but I am."

Hey, she could be a total train wreck like some people we know.

While she probably just likes the room neat, and doesn't know the meaning of OCD, or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Hilary Duff is all good with us.

It says a lot about a young star when the worst we can say about Duff is that she and Gym Class Heroes handed out X-Rated goodie bags at a show, or that she possibly hooked up with Brody Jenner once. Not exactly a long rap sheet.

The actress steers clear of scandal (for the most part) and appears to have her head on straight. In a world full of Paris Hilton pussy photos, that's a breath of fresh air.

It's a battle of epic proportions.

Literally. These guys are huge!

Some of our celebrity look-alikes are a stretch. Okay, most of them. But we think we've got something here with this large and gruesome twosome.

We're not calling Jason Davis fat, but let's just say that when his beeper goes off, people assume he's backing up. His nickname is also Gummi Bear.

But the brother of Brandon Davis (a.k.a. Greasy Bear) might have nothing on the former comedian and new host of The Price Is Right, Mr. Drew Carey.

The price may be right for the dude with the prop glasses and famous for The Drew Carey Show, but whatever the scale says in the morning is definitely wrong. So wrong.

Who do you like better, Jason "Gummi Bear" Davis or Drew Carey?

Yesterday, we learned that the Gummi Bear will be attending outpatient detox treatment to deal with a plethora of issues (such as brawling with Perez Hilton), but his rep insists, "Jason is not in rehab. He did not check himself into any treatment. He's not receiving outpatient treatment or counseling."

Clear on that? We're not.

Break dancing.

Bumping and grinding.

Butt slapping!

No, we're not talking about what goes on inside Paris Hilton's bedroom when Tyler Atkins rolls over there. We're talking about Tom Cruise getting down and dirty on the dance floor!

Which is kind of strange. Not because he's older, because the man is still a bona fide hunk. There's just something about TomKat that gives our team of celebrity news writers the heebie-jeebies.

Anyway. Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and their pals had few inhibitions at the July 22 "Welcome to America" party the couple threw for Victoria and David Beckham in L.A.

As guests like Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher, Eva Longoria and Brooke Shields mingled, Jim Carrey pretended to spank girlfriend Jenny McCarthy (really, who wouldn't) as they boogied â€" as Will Smith rapped.

"I can't believe Will can move like that!" marveled Jim Carrey.

But, as Us Weekly reports in its new issue, the real showstopper came when the DJ (Lindsay Lohan's gal pal Samantha Ronson) played "Old Time Rock & Roll."

That's when Cruise re-enacted one of his famous movie scenes.

At one point, he got on his back and kicked his legs in the air, just like in Risky Business! In real life, however, there were no tighty-whities as the star kept his pants on.

Suri Cruise will thank him for that later.

As Tom Brady awaits the birth of his son to an ex-girlfriend, he best read this story of NFL love gone ... not so stellar.

Matt Leinart's ex-girlfriend, Brynn Cameron, tells the Ventura County Star that when it comes to parenting, she's the star quarterback.

"It's kind of hard for me as the mom, I'm with Cole" - her 9-month-old son with Matt Leinart - "probably 99.9 percent of the time, to open a magazine or read a newspaper article with Matt saying something like, 'Oh, I love being a dad. I love changing diapers. I love doing this.' I'm like, Wait, what?" Cameron said.

"It's been hard. I'm doing all the work, but he gets all the credit."

Leinart, 24, starred at the University of Southern California, where he won the Heisman Trophy and saw PLENTY of bush. Star tailback Reggie Bush, that is.

He and Cameron dated but later split in 2006. Brynn currently lives with her parents and the baby, Cole Cameron Leinart, as Matt plays with the NFL's Arizona Cardinals.

Although Matt Leinart recently gushed about being a father, Brynn Cameron has her own strong feelings. The quarterback "comes and goes whenever he wants," she says.

"I don't want to sit here and bad-mouth his lifestyle," she says, "but it is hard because we are different people. He likes that Hollywood stuff and I don't like that."

Hey, lighten up. At least he's not Michael Vick, okay, Brynn?

It's easy to see what she means, though. Leinart is pals with boy band singer / sex god Nick Lachey, and has been romantically linked to Paris Hilton and Kristin Cavallari.

In any case, Matt Leinart will join his Cardinals teammates at training camp in late July. Brynn Cameron, meanwhile, plans to return to campus this fall.

"It's hard, but I have to raise Cole to be a strong, secure kid so he knows what's right and wrong, what's good and bad and what matters in life, which isn't what's going on with [celebrity gossip] or who's dating who," says Cameron.

"That's not what it's all about, and I think he'll know that being raised by me."

Oh, snap! Matt Leinart has been sacked, ladies and gentlemen! Which is good, in a way, as he can get used to it ... it'll happen about 10 times every Sunday come September.

Yes, it's true. * tear * Reality TV stars Brody Jenner and Spencer Pratt have ended their friendship of more than 10 years, an inside source reveals.

"It's been messy," a well-placed insider tells Perez Hilton.

Not surprisingly for anyone who watches MTV's hit show The Hills, the lovely Lauren Conrad is supposedly at the center of the rift between these former best friends.

In Season Two, Heidi Montag began dating the slimy Pratt, and his pal Jenner was thus introduced to Heidi's then-BFF, Lauren.

Briefly, Lauren and Brody dated, while Heidi and LC saw their friendship deteriorate as she became closer to the manipulative Spencer, who she is now engaged to.

Just so you're all caught up.

Sources say Spencer Pratt, the weasel who was working as Jenner's "manager" and who supposedly masterminded Jenner's brief courtship of Nicole Richie, has ended their friendship because he "feels betrayed" by Brody.

Yes, Spencer is said to be furious that Brody Jenner is spending time with LC again and says it is just so that he can be on the upcoming third season of The Hills.

This from a guy who appears in staged photos with his fake-looking fiancee every time you turn around. Good riddance, Spencer. Good man, Brody. Hope the hand feels better.

Yesterday, we reported Britney Spears' upcoming self-arranged photo shoot and tell-all interview with OK! Magazine. Today, TMZ says that the meeting was an unmitigated disaster.

The photos are supposedly so bad, OK! execs say, that the magazine is not sure whether to report what actually happened - or sanitize the truth to protect the train wreck.

According to multiple sources, Britney Spears' behavior during the photo shoot and interview was "nothing less than a meltdown."

She was, according to sources, "completely out of it" during the shoot. The photos are "so bad" that to publish them may "kill her career."

Apparently, Britney Spears' eyes rolled back in her head at one point, causing her to look half dead. Spears' mood, meanwhile, was extremely erratic throughout.

Britney frequently stopped the interview to take bathroom breaks, and each time she returned, her mood would change drastically.

She was also disturbingly paranoid throughout the OK! Magazine interview, fearing at one point - seriously - that the ceiling was about to cave in on her.

Britney sounds about as with it as Lindsay Lohan these days.

We've also learned that the mom of Jayden James Federline had some issues with hygiene on the set as well. At one point, Brit ordered up some fried chicken to munch on. After she chowed down, she wiped her hands on a Gucci dress - worth several thousand dollars - she wore for the shoot, staining it with grease.

One of her dogs (possibly her new Terrier that the Humane Society is fired up about) also needed some assistance... in the housebreaking department.

The dog pooped all over the floor, and Britney used - what else - a Chanel dress to clean it up! This, folks, is white trash behavior even Kevin Federline would scoff at.

As for how Britney Spears looked for the photos? That's another nightmare.

Apparently OK! hired two top L.A. hair and makeup artists to transform the once-bald beauty into something more presentable, but she wasn't havin' none of that.

She refused to let the hired help touch her, opting instead for her "skanky friends" (Lucy Walsh? Alli Sims?) to do her hair and makeup. No wonder she looks so hot!!

If you're wondering where her mom or publicist or lawyer or friend or frickin' ANYONE was to help her out, TMZ says that even her cousin, Alli (who until recently was working as her personal assistant), couldn't deal, and is "done" with Britney Spears.

We'll see when OK! hits the stands this week - if they actually have the cojones to print what really happened. Odds are slightly less than Barry Bonds receiving applause from Kimberly Bell when he breaks the home run record this year.

Haven't gotten your fill of privileged white kids becoming famous for no other reason than for being privileged white kids? Well, then boy are you in luck!

In under a month, Laguna Beach returns… only it's no longer Laguna Beach. It essentially is, only it takes place in a different O.C. locale. Yeah, we're confused too.

In any event, Newport Harbor: The Real Orange County might offer some new scenery, but from the looks of the trailer, the plot elements are pretty much the same.

• Scheming blonde giant (cough, Brooke Hogan)? Check.
• Pretty, smart, has-it-all girl with vivacious personality (cough, Kristin Cavallari)? Check.
• Meek, kinda pathetic girl who doesn't do a lot (cough, Jessica Smith)? You got it.
• Hunky, shirtless white dudes who mumble a lot and act as foils for the much more interesting girls (cough, Jason Wahler)? Checkmate!

Say goodbye to these Laguna Beach peeps (from last season) and say hello to a whole new crop of upper-class snobby hotties from Newport Harbor! Woohoo!

The surreality unfurls in Newport Harbor on Wednesday, August 15 on MTV. The relocation to the new Orange County city is due in part to a complete network overhaul under the control of new programming chief Tony DiSanto.

Within his new rules, DiSanto has commissioned longer series of some shows and shorter ones of others. Among his moves was to virtually double the run for the hit Laguna Beach spin-off, The Hills, commissioning an 18-episode series.

Contrary to previous reports that Lauren Conrad broke his finger, Brody Jenner assures Us Weekly that the incident, while painful, was completely LC-free.

Jenner reports that while playing tackle football on the beach Thursday, his ring finger got caught in a fellow player's belt and broke.

"The bone just snapped and the tendon shot up into my wrist," Brody Jenner says. "[Lauren Conrad] had nothing to do with it breaking." 

Brody and Lauren remain close, but "just friends." 

Jenner, who says he and LC recently reconnected their once-fractured friendship but remain platonic, underwent surgery Monday to repair the tendon and is now in a cast.

Doctors have told Brody Jenner, 23, that it will take at least eight weeks for the tendon to heal. Fortunately, his life consists of being good looking, going to the hottest clubs and having a great time, so this injury shouldn't set him back too badly.

Luckily for fans of The Hills, a show source says that the entire accident was caught on tape. That will make for some good drama come September!

This just goes to show that you can't keep a good bear down! Go Gummi Bear!

Our friends at TMZ report that the rambunctious Jason "Gummi Bear" Davis entered a treatment program at Promises rehab center in Malibu.

Following a spectacular series of appearances in front of the cameras (a fight with Perez Hilton taking the cake) and hitting the club scene hard for many months, the portly oil heir has apparently decided to go clean.

Earlier this month, Gummi Bear, the BIG brother of Brandon Davis, a.k.a. Greasy Bear, reported that he's "working on a number of projects," but wasn't very specific.

Promises has been the site of various celebrity rehab dramas of late, including Lindsay Lohan and the amazing Britney Spears, among others.

A rep for Gummi Bear, who apparently has a rep (!?) had no comment.

When asked if Jason Davis had, in fact, checked in, a spokesperson for Promises would neither confirm nor deny that information.

However, later, a source told TMZ that Gummi Bear will be receiving outpatient detox treatment with daily counseling at the facility.

Here's hoping it works out a little better than whatever program Lindsay Lohan was on. Talk about throwing your money away!