Free Britney

Free Britney

Teaming up with Hilton Hater to bring you the latest celebrity news, Hollywood rumors and gossip since 6/6/06.

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A red-hot bikini photo of Nadya Suleman adorns the cover of Star magazine, which claims the mother of 14 had no plastic surgery to get her body back in shape.

No, rather than going Heidi Montag, Octomom just works out like a madwoman at taxpayers' expense at the gym, while taxpayer-funded nannies watch her brood.

Commentary aside, she sure has lost a lot of weight since welcoming her octuplets last year. We'd almost, well ... would you go there? Vote in our poll below ...

Octomom Bikini Pic

Octomom: Would you hit it?

 

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One would think, given recent family outings and an incredible $1 million donation to Haitian relief efforts, that things were going well for Brangelina these days.

Well, you'd be wrong, according to celebrity gossip magazines whose mission in life is to skewer the couple with more and more sensational stories each week!

On today's cover, In Touch interviews Brangelina’s long-time maid, Anna Kowalski, who claims Angie cheated on Brad with a movie coach and he was “oblivious.”

Perhaps for that reason, she and Brad have pulled the plug on their once-committed relationship, and Angelina is packing up for an extended stay in Europe.

There, she will adopt another child. Solo. According to the National Enquirer, that is. They say she is "throwing her energy into a life apart from Brad." Sure.

Who needs Brad Pitt? Not Angelina Jolie, apparently, given her "affair with a teacher." Poor guy, sitting alone and texting. He's not gonna like when he reads this.

Angelina will begin production soon on The Tourist, which will film in Prague and Venice. Her brother James will supposedly help during the adoption process.

That's good. Life without Brad doesn't mean life in isolation.

According to recent tabloid nonsense, Brad and Angelina's nearly five-year relationship continues to buckle under months of stress, including a failed suicide attempt by Angelina and a frightening collapse of the beauty's weight.

She is also said to have physically attacked Brad when he made a cheating confession about ex-wife Jennifer Aniston. LOL. What will the tabs make up next?

We'll find out next Wednesday morning!

Life without Brad. Sounds lonely. Good thing it's not true.

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Yesterday, THG readers were given the challenge of writing the best caption for the picture below. Britney Spears reading celebrity gossip. Easy material!

Your winner for this edition of our Caption Contest is Fred.

The winning caption entry appears below. Honorable mentions go out to Mike Dat and for_real_tho. Click here to read the full list of submissions.

Thank you to everyone for playing and good luck again next time!

Gossip Reader

"I might be retarded, but I ain't nearly as f*%ked up as the idiots who write over at The Hollywood Gossip."

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Don't complain to us about the risque headline above. John Mayer wrote it for us, basically. The dude may be a tool, but at the very least he is an honest tool.

He does not hold back, either. In the new issue of Rolling Stone, John opens up about Jennifer Aniston, calling their breakup "one of the worst times of my life."

The douchebag singer confesses: “I have this weird feeling, a pride thing, for people I’ve had relationships with. What would I be saying to Jen, who I think is f**ing fantastic, if I said to her, ‘I don’t dislike you. In fact, I like you extremely well."

"But, I have to back out of this because it doesn’t arc over the horizon. This is not where I see myself for the rest of my life, this is not my ideal destiny.”

We think that was a compliment to Jen. Either way, we're pleased to report that John has come to grips with being single. And oh, how gripping it can be.

  • John Mayer Topless
  • The Mayer of D-Bags

John Mayer topless. Hotness personified?

"All I want to do now is f**k the girls I’ve already f**ked," John says, "I can’t fathom explaining myself to somebody who can’t believe I'm interested, and they’re going, ‘But you’re John Mayer!’ So I’m going backwards to move forward.”

"I'm too freaked out to meet anyone else."

As a resort, John has resorted to self-gratification, and he's a pro, if he doesn't say so himself: “I am the new generation of masturbator. I’ve seen it all."

"Before I make coffee, I’ve seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week. I have masturbated myself out of some serious problems in my life."

"The phone doesn’t pick up because I’m masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion.”

Comment rendered unnecessary.

Reigning Douche King

John Mayer: Guitar icon. Chronic masturbator.

Just to clarify, Mayer says the underlying reason for choking the chicken isn’t to please some carnal urge, but “because I want to take a brain bath. It’s like a hot whirlpool for my brain, in a brain space that is 100 percent agreeable with itself.”

We just hope he washes his hands after.

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Having undergone so many plastic surgery procedures that she barely resembles her past self, Heidi Montag says she just tries to beautiful, inside and out.

Asked on Good Morning America for a response to those who say she is addicted to plastic surgery, Montag tried to say she's not addicted ... or something:

"I would say that none of those people know me at all. That's just a judgment. I'm not addicted. If I were addicted, I would have had 10 plastic surgeries."

What she had, actually, was 10 procedures on the same day in November. This followed previous plastic surgery three years ago where she had a lot done.

In a recent interview, Montag admitted she was "beyond obsessed" with having work done. She is now backing away from that notion ... only not really.

Fake Girl

Spencer Pratt's barely recognizable wife. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Asked why she'd want to look like a Barbie doll, Montag replied: "I think I look like myself. I think I just look like a different, improved version of myself."

Many observers are upset with the message that's sent to young girls when an already attractive 23-year-old chooses to undergo so many alterations.

But Heidi Montag says it's her life – and her line of work. Yes, work.

"I'm in a different industry," Montag said, "I have to do things that are going to make me happy. I'm living in my skin, and I look in the mirror and it's my career and my life, and you only have one. So, I want to take advantage of everything."

But has it helped or hurt? Tell us! Heidi Montag looks hotter ...

 

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Is Britney losing it?

In a display of tantrums and cries for help, the deeply troubled singer has been pulling out her hair in clumps, throwing screaming fits and worse.

Britney Spears has been so unstable recently that her father warns he will have her committed to the psych ward again, according to sources.

In a grim flashback to her public meltdown in 2007, she even threatened to kill herself while arguing with her father and conservator, Jamie.

"Her dad's reaction was clear - keep it up and she'll end up back in a mental ward," revealed a source close to Britney Spears' family.

We know it did great things for her and got her back on track, but it's been three years. Is Jamie stretching the conservatorship out too long?

Loony Bin Calling

Britney Spears is supposedly depressed because Jamie has no intention of ending the legal conservatorship he holds over her - for at least another three years!

By then, Britney will be 31, and her estate may be worth $1 billion from album and concert sales. Only then will she be free to make her own decisions.

Meanwhile, Jamie Spears has his sexy daughter booked for as many tours and albums as her management can land. You gotta milk that cash cow hard!

"Britney had her hopes up because her dad told her if she did an Australian concert tour, which ended November 29, he would free her," said a source.

"But when the court extended the conservatorship before Christmas, it shattered Britney. She was thrown for a loop," and thinks it was his plan all along.

Spears is due back in court Friday for a status update on the conservatorship. Hopefully they don't take away more rights from the credit card bandit.

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You know Nicole Polizzi as Snooki from MTV's hit show Jersey Shore. People in Poughkeepsie used to know her as the fake-tanned, 80-pound girl.

After The Situation mocked Snooki's "rolls" on the show last week, he hit close to home. She tearfully announced she once had an eating disorder.

"In high school, I really wouldn't eat," Nicole Polizzi revealed on The Insider on Tuesday. "I would only have lunch, and I would only have salads."

"It got so crazy that I would only eat a cracker or a cucumber a day and I would feel full. I would go into the nurses office every day and I would weigh myself. When she [the school nurse] realized that I hit 80 pounds, she was like, 'This isn't good.'"

Nicole Polizzi Photo

Luckily for her, the nurse notified Snookers' parents.

"My parents told me, 'You need to eat, this is dangerous,'" says Snooki, who is 4-foot-9. "So I gained my weight back to like 98, where I always was."

On Friday, The Situation (a.k.a. Mike Sorrentino) said that he felt bad after mocking his co-star while they were dining out together in Atlantic City.

"I regret saying it because I have a sister and a mother, but at the same time, everything happened so quickly and that is what happened," he said.

You know how it goes. The Situation quotes just happen so fast. That's nice that he apologized, though, and we're glad Snookems is healthy now.

Well, minus that hair.

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If you were an elite golfer, member of the Bones cast or random married rich guy, Friday, January 29, was going to be an awesome night in Palm Beach, Fla.

That's because the O.G. Tiger Woods' mistress, Rachel Uchitel, was scheduled to appear at a hot club in that city to ring in her 35th birthday that night. Was.

The shindig has officially been canceled, and you're not going to believe why. Because all the other Tiger Woods mistresses decided to crash it! Just kidding.

According to Rachel's lawyer, Gloria Allred, "The media attention was unexpected and unwelcome and for that reason the planned party will not take place."

Rachel Uchitel is trying to keep a low profile. Well, mostly.

Media attention scared her off? Interesting explanation, since it's Gloria Allred... and Rache's birthday party invite somehow appeared online six days ago.

An accident? Doubtful.

Uchitel was the first of many, many women linked to Tiger Woods after the married golfer smashed his car and obliterated his reputation in late November.

She's laid low ever since and has not been seen often in public. Same is true of Tiger, who recently began seeking treatment for sex addition in Mississippi.

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It's a new year, and a new Audrina Patridge, who says she's ready to get in touch with her inner self. Hey, better than Heidi Montag's plastic surgery.

"I want to try yoga this year," The Hills star said while walking in West Hollywood last week. "I just want to try something stress-free and spiritual."

Although the 24-year-old reality star didn't divulge what was stressing her out, she lamented that she hasn't been as good about hitting the gym.

"I have not worked out at all!" the ex-boyfriend of Justin-Bobby and Corey Bohan lamented. "I'm going to go back to the gym with my trainer."

Another cause of stress? Audrina Patridge is back to work.

"I just got back from vacation, and I just started filming The Hills, so I've been trying to get back into work mode and back on schedule," she said.

Not only has the star filmed episodes for The Hills' sixth season already, but she has also begun production on her as-yet-unnamed MTV spinoff.

The show will follow Audrina's professional and personal life. Yes. Apparently Audzo has a professional life beyond ... being on a reality show.

"I actually just saw the first scenes of my show today, and it's hilarious," she said, optimistically. "It's all been really good so far, so I'm excited!"

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David Letterman can really appreciate the joys of Jay Leno bashing because just a few months ago, he was the late night host in the media crosshairs.

After allegedly being blackmailed over an affair with staffer Stephanie Birkitt, Dave was forced to admit he had cheated on his wife Regina - on the air.

Late Show's Host

While the drama over the Late Show host's sexual liaisons in the workplace has largely blown over, the court case surrounding the extortion has not.

Tuesday, a New York judge rejected a motion to dismiss the extortion case against producer Robert Halderman for trying to shake down Letterman.

Justice Charles Solomon denied a request by Gerald Shargel, Halderman's lawyer, to throw out a charge of attempted first-degree grand larceny.

Robert "Joe" Halderman will be tried for extorting David Letterman.

Solomon nixed the so-called Tiger defense - that what Halderman did was no different than Tiger Woods' mistresses seeking payments to keep quiet about it.

The defense counsel claimed the extortion count should never have been filed because Halderman's attempts to sell Letterman a "screenplay about his illicit affairs" for $2 million was nothing short of a "pure commercial transaction."

Prosecutors countered that Halderman merely tried to use the appearance of a legal business transaction as cover to pull off the extortion. The judge agreed.

If convicted, the 52-year-old Halderman, who attended the proceeding and sat stone-faced throughout, could face a maximum 15-year prison sentence.

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