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Teaming up with Hilton Hater to bring you the latest celebrity news, Hollywood rumors and gossip since 6/6/06.

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Welcome to the latest edition of The Hollywood Gossip Caption Contest, where we ask readers to submit the funniest caption(s) for the celebrity pic below!

Monday, this fun THG feature centered on Adam Lambert ogling Pamela Anderson. Today, our subject is the lovely Kim Kardashian sitting on the lap of Santa.

Toxic Love

What could she (or he) be thinking or saying?

You tell us! Click "Comments" link below and send in as many captions as you can think of. We'll announce a winner tomorrow. Have fun and get to work:

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Evan Rachel Wood and Marilyn Manson just got back together last month after spending some time apart. Are they now fast-tracking their relationship to the altar?

According to The Mirror (UK), they are already engaged to be married.

Swine Flu Victim

An inside source says that at one of the shock rocker's recent shows in Paris, France, he asked Evan to be his wife. Evan said "Yes." Congratulations ... we think?

As recently as September, Evan was linked to her True Blood co-star, Alexander Skarsgard. She soon got back together with Manson, but is this rumor legit?

We sort of hope not. We're happy for them and all, but nothing good can come of this. We're picturing black roses, vials of blood and other morbid stuff.

The couple is registered at Pottery Barn and Hot Topic.

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Tiger Woods' wife, Elin Nordgeren, may or may not be planning to divorce the golfing legend, but sources say she's hired a P.I. to dig up everything on him.

Everything that a dozen mistresses haven't already told her?

Elin Nordegren's New House

Numerous reports have suggested that Elin hired divorce top gun Sorrell Trope to handled her multi-million dollar break-up from her philandering hubby.

Others have suggested that she is still unsure about whether to actually terminate their marriage. He won't throw in the towel and she's on the fence.

Will Tiger and Elin Woods' marriage survive?

Regardless, Elin wants to know what Tiger's worth - and doing: "Elin knows hiring a private investigator is a smart move," a source told the Mirror (UK).

"Her lawyers want to make sure she gets every penny she's entitled to." If she decides to end it, 'she has the future of their children to think about."

It turns out Elin Woods may not be the only ones curious about Tiger's finances, as there have been rumblings about Tiger's charitable foundations.

As if his image couldn't be tarnished any further, there may be an inquiry into whether he funneled hush money to mistresses from his non-profits.

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The creditors claims keep piling up in the Michael Jackson estate case, although this newest quest for MJ's money isn't the typical law firm citing unpaid bills.

Shellie Doreen Smith claims she had a much different relationship with Michael - as in marriage. The nut job thus filed legal papers seeking MJ's ca$h money.

Michael Jackson Entertainment Weekly Cover

According to TMZ, which had the privilege of speaking with Smith herself, she was married to MJ in the 1970s, although she doesn't remember exactly when.

Minor details. Everyone forgets their wedding date.

Shellie Doreen Smith claims she wed Michael long before he looked like this. Hmm. If Jackson was born in 1958 and they supposed wed in the '70s, he was quite young!

Smith says the ceremony in which she married Michael Jackson was lovely ... at a hotel in NYC. The only witnesses were hotel employees. That's convenient.

She's asking for financial support. As are Prince Michael Malachi Jet Jackson, Claire Elisabeth Fields Cruise, Billie Jean Jackson, Helen Harris-Scott and others.

Back of the line, woman!

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Former NBA star Jayson Williams was partying at an Upper East Side bar before he made like Tiger Woods and crashed his luxury SUV into a tree.

He was charged Tuesday with DUI. The extent of Williams' injuries range from only minor injuries to a fractured neck, depending on the report.

Photos show him mugging with strangers at Aces & Eights Saloon, and a patron at the bar said his friend bought Williams at least three shots:

"He seemed like he was having a good time. Not any different from anyone else. I mean, he wasn't sloppy drunk or falling all over the place."

Jayson Williams was said to be good-natured when asked to pose for photos before leaving the bar just before 2 a.m. and walking uptown.

After leaving Aces & Eights, Williams headed to Bar East a few blocks away, the Aces owner said. The bartender at Bar East didn't comment.

It's unclear where Williams went after that, but at 3:15 a.m., he exited on FDR Drive, jumped a curb and smashed his Mercedes-Benz SUV.

The troubled athlete hit a 40-foot tree near E. 20th Street and Avenue C.

Williams insists he was not the driver, however,  there's both video and witnesses to prove he was, according to law enforcement sources.

In addition to video, there are witnesses who place Williams behind the wheel, despite him being in the passenger seat when police arrived.

Law enforcement sources are confident Williams was the only one in the SUV and no one was seen fleeing the scene. Not good, Jayson.

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Many people would prefer it if the world didn't include Snooki from Jersey Shore. But since it does, here's how the Jersey Shore star would change it.

Snooki, a.k.a. Nicole Polizzi, took part in "10 at 10" on the Jay Leno Show.

The f*%king Princess of Poughkeepsie answered 10 questions, including what she did on New Year's and of course, how the world needs changing ...

Snooki, her cast mates and all the ridiculous Jersey Shore quotes they produce return to MTV with a brand-new episode tomorrow evening at 10.

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Veteran Fox News anchor Brit Hume is weighing in on the Tiger Woods scandal with advice for the star. Simply put, he thinks Tiges could use a little Christ.

Dude could use more than that. Remember, the list of Tiger Woods mistresses we know about is in double figures, people. Jesus would have His hands full.

On Fox News Sunday, Hume said the golfer, who cheated on Elin Nordegren countless times, should convert to Christianity for the "redemption" he needs.

"Whether he can recover as a person I think is a very open question," Hume said. "The extent to which he can recover seems to me depends on his faith."

"It's a tragic situation. He is said to be a Buddhist. I don't think that faith offers the kind of forgiveness and redemption offered by the Christian faith."

Some Buddhists are not pleased with Brit Hume's advice to Tiger Woods.

Hume said his message to Woods, whose fall from grace amid this sordid sex scandal has been epic, would be, "Tiger, turn to the Christian faith and you can make a total recovery and be a great example to the world.'"

Buddhists everywhere are likely to take issue with this.

"I don't like to point out others' faults, but given the record, I would think Christians would show a little more humility about offering advice to the sexually wayward," Barbara O'Brien opined on her Buddhism about.com blog.

Kyle Lovett of TheReformedBuddhist.com asks: "Could Hume get away with saying something like this about Jewish people, black people or the Muslim Faith?"

"You betcha he couldn't," Lovett adds. "Why should he be able to skate away scott free when speaking about Buddhists? Because we are only 3-4 percent of the population of the US? Hell No! Sometimes we have to speak up."

Rather than apologizing, Hume doubled down on The O'Reilly Factor, saying he thinks "Jesus Christ offers Tiger Woods something that Tiger Woods badly needs."

What do you think of Hume's advice to Tiger?

 

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NBA star Gilbert Arenas packs heat. What he does not pack (or apply for, to put it more accurately) is a license for any of the weapons in his locker.

The Washington Wizards player, who is being investigated for allegedly pulling a gun on a teammate December 24, likely did so with an illegal gun.

Step Into the Arenas

He has no valid license to possess guns he stored in his locker in D.C., according to law enforcement sources, which could land him in big trouble.

There were reportedly four guns (not three, as had been reported) in Arenas' locker, including a gold-plated Desert Eagle - a gigantic handgun.

AGENT ZERO: Maybe Gilbert Arenas should change his nickname to 007.

The star could be charged with carrying a pistol without a license, which might mean strict punishment under the District of Columbia's tough gun laws.

Gilbert Arenas could also face assault charges from the alleged gun-toting standoff (what he calls a prank gone awry) with teammate Javaris Crittenton.

Sources say he will soon be under grand jury investigation.

D.C. police plan to bring in Washington Wizards coach Flip Saunders today for questioning, with GM Ernie Grunfeld to be brought in later this week.

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If he keeps up this frantic pace, Redmond O'Neal will be positioned to join the holy trinity of celebrity drug offenders along with legends DMX and Pete Doherty.

How these guys are ever not in jail is baffling, but it looks like Red's luck may have run out after eight months of staying clean (or at least avoiding arrest).

Redmond O'Neal Pic

At his court-ordered drug-and-alcohol treatment center, the son of the late Farrah Fawcett and Ryan O'Neal has yet again been arrested on felony charges.

The latest bust went down on December 29, when O'Neal returned to the facility (this is his fourth go-round in rehab) after earning a 24-hour free pass.

He used that pass to score some drugs, apparently.

Redmond O'Neal is not smart. Or clean.

Redmond O'Neal appeared in court this morning for his latest probation violation, and was ordered to remain jailed until his February 2 sentencing.

In the meantime, O'Neal will serve 30 days in a lockdown rehab program, Los Angeles District Attorney spokeswoman Jane Robison tells E! News.

Last April, the troubled addict was caught carrying narcotics through a security checkpoint while visiting a friend in ... wait ... wait for it ... jail.

Wow. That's about as intelligent as driving under the influence and crashing a car into a tree. Oops, sorry Tiger Woods. And Jayson Williams.

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The Jersey Shore cast has gone from a random, juiced-up bunch of ill-tempered meatheads to borderline celebrity status in a span of just a couple of weeks.

Now they're welcoming a new star into the mix.

Actor Michael Cera of Superbad, Juno, Arrested Development and now Youth in Revolt visited the cast and was given a full makeover - Jersey Shore style.

Michael's visit will be shown in series of promos this Thursday while a new episode of Jersey Shore airs. As you can see below, he channels Pauly D's hair.

Whether the lovable actor's hair can hang with the ultimate guido and "Rhode Island's most famous DJ" remains to be seen. Vote in our survey below ...

  • Michael Cera Photo
  • DJ Pauly D Pic

Who's got the better hair?

 

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