We were getting a little concerned about Ben Affleck.
Upon the dissolution of his 10-year marriage to Jennifer Garner, we discovered that he had an affair with his children's nanny and then got a monstrous tattoo splayed across his entire back.
Fans thought this was just all part of some misguided "I gotta be meee!" mid-life crisis meltdown, but we've now learned that he was just pulling our legs in one of the scenarios above.
The good news is, the tat is totally fake. The bad news is, he still schtupped the nanny.
But let's focus on the good news!
Yep, the massive, multi-colored tattoo of a phoenix is all for a movie role, Ben revealed in an interview with Extra.
“I actually do have a number of tattoos," the actor-director admitted. "But I try to have them in places where you don’t have to do a lot of cover up… They get sort of addictive, tattoos, after awhile.”
Phew. This comes as quite a relief, because we have no problem going on record and straight up saying that thing was hideous.
And we're not alone in our assessment.
His estranged wife tried to be nice about it, but her thoughts on the body art were less than flattering.
"You know what we would say in my hometown about that? 'Bless his heart,'" Garner said. "A phoenix rising from the ashes. Am I the ashes in this scenario? I take umbrage. I refuse to be the ashes."
Ben's ex Jennifer Lopez was a little more straightforward with her opinion.
"It's AWFUL!" she cried during a guest appearance on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen.
Luckily, the Jens can now sleep better tonight knowing that their ex did not ink a god-awful mural all over himself.
That is, if they even really care.