Taylor Swift to Selena Gomez: Stop Hanging Out With Katy Perry!!!

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By now you're probably familiar with Taylor Swift's squad, but there's a good chance you didn't know that the singer runs her chick clique with an iron-fisted brutality that's been known to make Mexican cartel kingpins be all like, "Yo, maybe you should chill, El Swifto."

Taylor Swift Looks Proud

Okay, we might be exaggerating a tad, but apparently there are certain infractions that can get you banned from the Swift squad for life. Chief among them: fraternizing with rival badasses like Boobs Malone (aka Katy Perry).

Sources say problems arose within the squad recently when photos from the 2016 Golden Globes showed Selena Gomez hanging out with Katy on the red carpet.

Katy was there to present an award; Selena was there because of her hilarious cameo in The Big Short; and Taylor was at home, presumably tossing a roll of duct tape and a machete in her trunk so that she could "have a word" with Selena later.

Fortunately, sources say Taylor has forgiven Selena, and Ms. Gomez has promised to never publicly associate with Katy ever again. 

The poor girl has no clue how close she came to being fixed with a Joker's smile, as few people realize what a hardcore OG Taylor really is.

For instance, did you know that "Out of the Woods" is actually a veiled threat directed at anyone who double-crosses Taylor?

If you listen closely to the lyrics, the song is clearly about being blindfolded and dumped in the middle of a remote forested area. True story. (Okay, not actually a true story.)

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Taylor Swift Biography

Taylor Swift and Friend
Taylor Swift is the next big thing in country music. She hails from Pennsylvania and has a younger brother named Austin. Personally,... More »
Full Name
Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift Quotes

I think it's kind of fun to call out your ex-boyfriends. Like why do this if you're not gonna take the opportunity to always have the last word. It's so much fun.

Taylor Swift

I saw that documentary on Britney Spears, and I feel bad for her—she can't leave her house!

Taylor Swift