Shia LaBeouf may have his fair share of issues, but at least he’s willing and able to turn his most embarrassing moments into brilliant entertainment for the rest of us.
As you may have heard, LaBeouf was arrested for disorderly conduct back in June after being thrown out of a Broadway performance for smoking and groping the performers.
In the days following the arrest we learned that Shia had chased a homeless man through Times Square just before the show. Now we’re finally getting LaBeouf’s side of the story and it’s so much weirder and more hilarious than we ever could’ve imagined:
What? There was drinking involved?! Get outta here!!!
So yeah, Shia did chase a homeless dude and he did slap Alan Cumming on the ass, but when he tells the story himself, it somehow doesn’t sound all that crazy.
And oh, the details! Feeding strawberries to elderly theater patrons! Transforming into Tupac for street cred! Being slapped with a Hannibal mask after loogeying on a cops shoe! (That last one was actually a surprisingly savvy move on drunk Shia’s part.)
Suddenly, we desperately want to party with The Beef. Of course, Shia is in treatment for alcohol addiction, so nights like that one might be a thing of the past, and that’s obviously a good thing.
All we want is for LaBeouf to regale us with some tales of debauchery and bust out the occasional memorable catchphrase. Cabaret, homey.