There isn't much Dustin Diamond can say to surprise people anymore, and probably no way he can redeem himself, but darned if he isn't trying.
After co-star Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Breckin Meyer dissed Dustin last week, good ol' Screech is playing dumb and coy in a counter-interview.
He will concede Breckin's point about his alleged penis size, though, acknowledging that the member on his infamous sex tape is not even his.
"I put the thing together. I got a stunt wang. I’m not an idiot. I’m not going to really put myself out there. So I got a stunt person to come in," he says.
"And I thought, what if this thing makes $3 million? That’s nothing to scoff at. But after that people looked at me dirty, like, 'He does porn'. No, I don’t!"
"I faked that one at a chance for millions. I’m an opportunist, really."
Okay ... that makes us feel infinitely better about Dustin Diamond.
Also, in the wake of the Saved by the Bell trailer's release, he says he didn't even write his own tell-all about the show. Someone ghosted that $h!t. Dustin says.
"It was written by a ghost writer. I talked to a guy a few times, so there were people up in arms, 'Oh! He’s putting all this trash out'. But I was like, 'I didn’t even write it!'"
'It has my name on it, but it was written by a ghost writer."
"So all the things like that, the Fit Club, the porn, and the book were kind of like the one, two, three of the bad-boy image. But I’m done with that."
Needless to say, regarding his stint on Celebrity Fit Club, "I had to gain weight to even be on the show. I had to keep it between me and producers."
"I couldn’t tell the other cast members about it. And, like, I’m not mean at all. I’m the most approachable, laid-back guy in the world. I like to laugh more than anything else."
"But I thought that being the bad guy on TV would show me in a believable light to convince casting directors to put me in Breaking Bad, or Dexter, or Law & Order."
Obviously, that never panned out. But there's always music?
"I know how to control my voice and sit within my vocal range," he says. "I’ve always been musically inclined. I had a band. I played bass. I have perfect pitch."
"I’ve always been gifted at that."
Gifted is one word for him.