Bachelor in Paradise Season 1 Episode 4 welcomed back another blast from the past, and featured more of the surprising twists that have become its calling card.
If you watch Bachelor in Paradise online, you know that means tears, drama, more tears, fights and overall nonsense involving Bachelor and Bachelorette castoffs.
Even better? This is the first half of a special two-night Bachelor in Paradise EVENT concluding tonight! Good times! On to Monday night's recap ...
Michelle Money, having been thrown a life raft of sorts when Chris Bukowski and Elise Mosca left together last week, was spurned at the start.
Robert Graham was given the next date card, and chose Sarah Herron, not the Money Maker. At least she helped Sarah braid her hair for their date.
Then it was time for a new arrival: Cody Sattler!
The affable gym rat from Andi Dorfman’s season of The Bachelorette arrived and promptly asked out Clare, who confessed that she was kind of dating Zack.
After Cody persisted, she went to talk to Zack, who she discovered may not have been that into her after all ... but still shot down Cody. Who gave his date to Marcus.
While Cody stayed behind to mingle in the house instead of cause drama, Marcus took Lacy out for dinner and these two are totally getting engaged.
Call it a hunch. Call it a very strong hunch.
Zack told Clare patched things up and made out, Kalon McMahon showed up and asked out Michelle, who reluctantly said “yes” to The Bachelorette villain.
Kalon, being Kalon, told the cameras some of the specific things he wanted to do to Michelle's gorgeous body and said he was attracted to “crazy.”
Michelle, apparently recalling that Kalon once called Emily Maynard's daughter Ricki "baggage," changed her mind and turned down the Texan.
Jackie and Sarah then did the same. Burrrrn.
Fortunately, Kalon crafted a backup plan. “If they didn’t want to join me, screw them,” he said. “After three seasons, I am finally going on a date with someone I like."
He went on a date with himself. Well played.
Next up to show up out of nowhere was Jesse Kovacs, who took Jackie out on a date and really hit it off with her. Michelle and Cody bonded at the house.
Then it got awkward as AshLee started dissing Clare to Zack, basically slut-shaming her for hooking up with Juan Pablo on The Bachelor and worse.
AshLee, whose reputation for being fake around the cameras has long been rumored, actually remarked that she was surprised there was no camera on her.
There was. She got busted.
The back talk eventually got back to Clare, and by the time AshLee went to apologize (likely due to having no other choice), it was too late for damage control.
Graham, AshLee's love interest, was also pretty shocked when the story reached him, wondering if this is the kind of person he wants in his life (no).
At the rose ceremony, Lacy chose Marcus. Clare chose Zack. AshLee chose Graham and ... he walked out without saying a word! End scene!
We'll pick up the action tonight in Bachelor in Paradise Season 1 Episode 5. If Bachelor in Paradise Season 1 Episode 4 was any indication, it should be awesome.