James Franco has made no secret of his literary ambitions. The actor, artist and nude selfie enthusiast has already published multiple volumes of fiction, and his latest work is a gem of a short story about "a fictional Hollywood girl" who just happens to be named Lindsay.
In "Bungalow 89," Franco introduces his totally made-up character thusly:
"I ran my fingers through her hair and thought about this girl sleeping on my chest, our fictional Hollywood girl, Lindsay...I hope she gets better. You see, she is famous. She was famous because she was a talented child actress, and now she's famous because she gets into trouble. She is damaged."
Yeah, that doesn't sound anything like the cracked-out Lindsay we know.
Franco, of course, was included on the Lindsay Lohan sex list that somehow "leaked" online back in March.
But in his short story, James goes into great detail about how he declined the opportunity to contract as-yet undiscovered strains of syphilis.
"Now we were lying n bed. I wasn't going to f--k her. She had her head on my shoulder. She started to talk. I let her."
"Fictional" Lindsay goes on to recount a night in which she popped a couple Oxycontins and tried unsuccessfully to bang James Franco (Yes, he's a character in his own short story) in the bathroom of a nightclub.
Wow. This story might be the most detailed proof we have that Lindsay is every bit the leg-spreading, pill-gobbling ginger party monster she's made out to be.
More importantly, James Franco has found a way to boast about shooting down willing young actresses and disguise it as high-minded art! "How innovative!" say the critics in Franco's head.