Courtney Robertson has written a book for some reason.
It’s titled “I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends: Confessions of a Reality Show Villain!” and it chronicles an interesting few years for the former Bachelor suitor.
She learned Adrian Grenier has a big penis. She dated Jesse Metcalfe. And she decided to tell the world why and when she started masturbating on a regular basis.
Courtney Robertson never had "actual sex" with Grenier, but the two did hook up often and "he had the biggest penis I'd ever seen - and the biggest bush!"
Robertson also claims the actor still tries to booty call her to this day.
A makeout session between Joshua Jackson and Michelle Williams on Dawson's Creek when she was 15 sent this reality star "over the edge," sexually speaking.
"I put my hand down south and went to town," she writes, and, "emboldened by my erotic discovery, I masturbated every night for the next - well forever…I was paddling the pink canoe so much my hand was getting cramped."
Those are the kinds of prose Charlie Sheen would appreciate.
She met Metcalfe at a party, and dated the “alcoholic” for a few months. But the sex didn't blow her socks off.
"I wish I could say that we were the greatest lovers since Christian Grey and Ana Steele. But I can't lie. The sex was pretty average," Robertson writes. "Jesse needed a lot of reassurance."
She has slept with about 15 men.
A friend once tried to set her up with Jim Toth, who is now married to Reese Witherspoon.
Robertson starred in an ad for Jessica Simpson's hair extension line a long time ago, around the time she split from Nick Lachey.
Says Courtney of how Jessica handled the divorce:
"She spent most of her days holed up in her candle-lit dressing room, drinking carrot juice, and blasting Sinead O'Connor's "Nothing Compares 2 U."