Tori Spelling is back with a new absurdly-titled reality series, True Tori, documenting Dean McDermott cheating on her and that scandal's aftermath.
Hey, you never let a good crisis go unexploited, are we right guys?
As any celebrity gossip reader knows (especially now that True Tori is bringing it back into the spotlight, rather than coping in private), Dean cheated.
Emily Goodhand bragged about it to the tabloids, which produced the obligatory headlines, and naturally led to the couple's latest reality series.
What better place to hash out their marital issues than Lifetime, which filmed Spelling about to go greet McDermott after several months of rehab.
On the True Tori series premiere, we pick up with her playing the wronged woman, the scorned victim, the one trying to hold their family together.
“Everyone told the story of my life, except me,” Spelling explains. “I thought our fairy tale would last forever. And then in one moment, everything changed.”
It's actually not as interesting as that synopsis makes it sound.
Spelling spends a lot of time showing us her ordinary life, as a mother and friend, her children and friend used as props throughout, as you'd expect.
If this is supposed to make Tori relatable, thanks for playing.
Their therapist remains anonymous, so an on-air script is used as the mediator and makes the whole thing even more chopped together and awkward.
Clearly, Dean knocking her up four times in seven years is not helping his quest for more than one below-average bone session every two weeks.
The therapist says as much, and boy, Tori lays it on thick.
Worrying about paparazzi snapping pics of her crying one minute, tearing up for maximum effect while berating Dean the next, Spelling is something else.
Will they make it through this? Does anyone really care?
For the sake of their four (!) little kids, we hope the family gets to a better place. There's a sexual middle ground to be found, right? Give a little, both of you.
The developing sTORI continues next week ... yawn.