16 and Pregnant is back, baby (pun most definitely intended) and the show that gave birth to Teen Mom (so to speak!) is off and running in its fifth season.
Fans of the MTV series were introduced to 16-year-old Maddy Godsey on 16 and Pregnant Season 5 Episode 1 last week. This week, it's Autumn Crittendon.
Autumn's baby daddy, Dustin, might have been the true star of this installment. This star is rather dim, of course, in keeping with the show's tradition
Crittendon, a 16-year-old sophomore from Richmond, Va.,. have been dating for a year and spending every day and night together. That's the good news.
The bad news is that despite her mother's warnings and pleas, and even after recently watching her 18-year-old sister give birth, Autumn got pregnant.
Her mother even went with Autumn to get birth control pills or a ring, fearing that she might get knocked up too, but obviously, Autumn didn't want to get fat.
"And now you gained 40 pounds," her mother said. Owned.
Another bad sign? Dustin may not be quitting the weed.
"Most likely, I'm going to get high," he says of impending fatherhood. "If someone comes over with weed and the baby's not there, I'm going to take a hit."
Autumn began to cry. "What's the big deal about that?" he asked. "It's illegal, that's the big deal. And you have a child coming," his mom responded.
It would be one thing if he had it together otherwise, but ...
We're talking about a dude who wants to buy his kid a ramshackle broken down crib, yet will spend money no drugs. Bodes well for the future, no doubt.
He claims he's sober now, though, so that's good. But Autumn and her mom aren't buying it and make him take an at-home drug test in a restaurant bathroom.
He passed. By some miracle. Just in time for the baby!
Sure, he passed out on the couch and missed some of it, but he was there when baby Drake came out and had him in a camo vest right away.
Soon after, though, he was totally MIA. Except when he showed up to give them all his money - $2.50 - he was as absentee as a parent could be.
When he said that he made $40 per day, Autumn asked to give her $40 per week. Dustin's amazing response to that: "Whoa, whoa, that's two grams."
Joke? Probably. But a little too close to home there.
It's both fitting and inevitable that the final shot of the episode involved Autumn and her mom headed to the courthouse to file for child support.
The "love of her life" turned out to be a deadbeat dad. As we've seen from Jenelle Evans and so many other MTV stars, it's going to be a rough road ahead.