Three months after Amber Portwood got out of prison, she's sober and savoring her hard-fought sobriety, but admits she still wants to get high sometimes.
In a chilling scene on her MTV special Being Amber, she revealed that “I’m always gonna want to get high,” just like she "always" was on Teen Mom.
“I’ve f--king been wanting to get high all day, since I woken [sic] up this morning,” the mother of five-year-old daughter Leah says. “I swear to god.”
Despite getting sober in prison, where she spent the previous 17 months, she says that staying clean on the outside is much harder than she’d expected.
“Being free is so much different than being in prison and being sober,” Amber Portwood said, adding that every single passing day, “It’s just so hard!”
“I’m always gonna have triggers. I’m always gonna wanna get high. That’s never gonna go away. My best way to cope right now is hanging out with family.”
She's been staying true to that philosophy, at least thus far.
As previously reported, Portwood recently spent a happy family day with baby daddy Gary Shirley and their daughter at an outing to Disney on Ice.
1. Amber Portwood-Gary Shirley Fight
Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley FIGHT on MTV's Teen Mom. It's one for the ages right here.
2. Farrah Abraham Sex Tape
Farrah Abraham, star of the original Teen Mom, went on to star in a porn video called Backdoor Teen Mom, which she tried to pass off as a "leaked" sex tape.
3. Jenelle Evans Beats Up Girl, Gets Arrested
Teen Mom 2's Jenelle Evans beat the crap out of Brittany Truett a few years ago in one of the more graphic fight videos we've ever seen.
4. Farrah Abraham on Dr. Phil
Farrah Abraham gets put in her place by Dr. Phil. You gotta watch this interview clip.
5. Jenelle Evans Fights Roommate
Jenelle Evans fights her roommate in an epic scene from Teen Mom 2.
6. Kailyn Lowry Fight
Domestic violence is not just for Amber Portwood. Kailyn Lowry gets into a fight with now husband Javi on Teen Mom 2.
7. Teen Mom 2 Commercial: Barbara Raps!
Jenelle's mom Barbara actually sort of raps in this awesome ad for Teen Mom 2.
8. Teen Mom 3 Trailer
There was a Teen Mom 3 for one season. Then it was canceled, but here's a look at some of the drama those girls faced.
9. Teen Mom 2 Trailer: Season 5
Teen Mom 2 Season 5 begins January 21 on MTV. Here's a look at some of what you can expect.
10. Leah Messer's Miscarriage
Leah Messer suffered a miscarriage before getting pregnant again with new husband Jeremy Calvert.
11. Leah Messer-Corey Simms Split
Leah Messer and Corey Simms shockingly broke up after a wedding and two daughters together.
12. Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra (In General)
Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra are step-siblings and parents and lovers. That alone is pretty insane, but they make it work.
Kieffer Delp romanced Jenelle Evans for a time and contributed to some of her more epic meltdowns.
14. Amber Portwood in Jail
Amber Portwood did time for drug charges. HARD time. She was locked up for about a year and a half.
Co-parenting has been amicable, but that's where it stops.
Amber admitted on the show that she could see herself getting back together with Shirley, the feeling isn’t mutual. He’s moved on with a new girlfriend.
He's even said he will fight to keep custody of their daughter, not because he's spiteful toward Amber, but because he truly believes it's best for her.
Portwood did time after failing to comply with terms of a drug program that was part of her probation following an arrest for domestic battery against Shirley.
She currently has random drug tests and regular meetings with a parole officer to stay on the straight and narrow, where she remains ... for now.
Amber Portwood: Can she stay clean?