The Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: Monster Mama

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The Real Housewives of Atlanta gave us the saga of the "The Old Lady and the Shoe" but I wish Mama Joyce would just put her shoes back on and walk out the door. We recap the wedding dress drama in our THG +/- review.

But first Kandi Burruss takes the girls to a dance class to get them moving but Cynthia Bailey's sparkles nearly blinded me. Minus 15.

Dancing With the Housewives

Even worse was the close up of Phaedra Parks tummy. Minus 21. The woman just had a baby for goodness sake. 

But wait, they're not done. 

Kenya Moore sent rival Phaedra her Booty Bootcamp video after she gave birth. Minus 25. That's just so wrong. 

Does Kenya think that's cute? Just wait until she has a child, which if her aunt has any say in it will be soon. Since Kenya's always picking the wrong men, her aunt's advice is to skip that part and go straight to the baby. 

Yes, Kenya seems to do fine with her little dog but a child…I'm not so sure. 

Speaking of kids, Cynthia had a sit down with Noelle's daddy to talk about the girl's new boyfriend. Plus 42. Noelle's a lucky girl. Most kids are lucky to have one parent who is interested. She's got a mother and two fathers who are actively involved in her life. 

NeNe's planning a girls' trip to Savannah, Georgia. Plus 50. I love Savannah. I'm just not sure how much I'll love it after these ladies get through with it. 

Brace yourself Savannah. The Housewives are coming.

Hopefully Porsha Williams will be able to make it. The stress of the divorce must be taking its toll because she's been plagued by headaches and she fainted on the stairs. 

Maybe it's a good thing she didn't move out of her Momma's.

But if Porsha needs to be close to her mother, Kandi needs to run from hers. 

Mama Joyce is a complete mess. Who goes to see their daughter try and wedding dresses and says "She ain't gonna wear it no where" while the girl is in the dressing room. Minus 33. That's just mean.

But Mama Joyce is cruel. She's a bully, only Kandi's so used to having it in her life that she just can't see how bad it really is.

Joyce and her sisters came into that bridal salon like a mean spirited little gang and did their best to ruin Kandi's day. And when Carmon tried to stand up to them, Mama Joyce threatened to beat her with a shoe! 

Kandi doesn't like confrontation so she just backs down to Mama but if she keeps that up Mama Joyce will push Kandi's best friend and fiance right out of her life. Minus 40.

But that seems to be exactly what Joyce wants. Her daughter to be just as lonely and miserable as she is. 

Maybe the ladies can convince Kandi to put her big girl panties on and stand up for herself when they get to Savannah, but after a lifetime of cow-towing to Mama Joyce, I doubt it.

Episode total = -42!                                               Season total = -329!

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The Real Housewives of Atlanta Quotes

[to Kenya Moore] You best hope nothing happens to me, because you might not have a job. I'm your storyline. I sustain your career . . . I built you, so stop playing games.

Apollo Nida

[to Kenya Moore] "You a sneaky, trifling slut."

Phaedra Parks
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