WARNING: This article is total fluff. William Gibson, 50, was arrested for exposing himself outside a Goodwill store in Jensen Beach, Fla., this month.
His explanation? That he was merely "airing out" his penis.
Gibson allegedly first stuck his hand down his pants and smelled his fingers (obviously) before dropping his drawers, according to a witness statement.
"All of a sudden ... [Gibson] just pulled down the front of his underware [sic], to expose his genitals, fluffing them," the statement of events described.
A witness called sheriff's deputies, who say Gibson stated he was arrested merely for "airing out" his penis. It is Florida, after all. So hot and humid there.
Hope his orange jumpsuit is breathable cotton.
He was charged with lewd or lascivious exhibition in the presence of the elderly in what might be the most outlandish exposure story of the year.
Sadly, there's no clear winner in this category.
In February, police officers said a man caught masturbating behind a convenience store told them he was only exposed because his pants had shrunk.
Also, a man accused of masturbating in public decided to prove he was really just scratching a rash by whipping out his testicles to show the rash to cops.
In that case, he whipped it out to show the officers and was vindicated, as they actually let him go. No need to add insult/citations to itchy injury, right?