The Real Housewives of Miami Recap: A Witch Will Always Be a Witch

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The Real Housewives of Miami reunion could have been a lot of fun. Instead it was nothing but a lot of expensive dresses on some very shady ladies.

We break it all down in our THG +/- review.

Unhappy Housewives

During the season finale it felt like The Real Housewives of Miami had found some stable ground. Lisa and Joanna had made up. J

oanna and Adriana were working on things and even though Lea told Adriana they'd never be friends again, at least she was calm when she said it.

But if the finale was calm, the reunion show was like a Miami hurricane blowing through.

Plus 15. It starts out friendly enough. Lea Black tells Andy that all of her diamonds are real while Adriana actually manages to show up on time for a change.

Because let's face it. Making your wedding guests sit and wait for hours is just cruel. Add two changes of clothes and Minus 30.

It all starts to go down hill fast when Joanna Krupa takes her first shot about Lisa Hochstein not having a job.

Really, why is this any of Joanna's business?  If Lisa wants to go spend thousands on Birkin bags that's between her and her sugar daddy husband. Minus 18.

Joanna and Lisa's love/hate relationship devolves to hate pretty quickly while sitting on Andy Cohen's sofa.

When Joanna says Lisa's partying is why she can't get pregnant, it's definitely hitting below the belt. Minus 22. Poor Lisa can barely contain her tears.

Joanna keeps warning Lisa that she doesn't want to push her but what is she implying and why not just have the balls to come out and say it?

But it's when Joanna and Adriana start to argue that the real craziness begins. The same girls who were going topless together in the pool in Vegas were about to verbally throw down in a big way.

First Adriana asks if Romain's gay…but there's nothing wrong with that, she clarifies Well, maybe there's something wrong with that…if you're his wife! Minus 30.

Joanna actually gets Romain on the phone to refute the charge and I had to laugh as Romain responded with, "Maybe Andy wish I was gay because he maybe would like it," and Andy sat there giving the thumbs up sign. Plus 25.

But Romain had to throw in that,  "unfortunately Adrianna makes comments like this because she wish she was with me."  That's when things got even nastier.

Adriana shot back, "Why would I want a man with a limp penis?" Wow! She was on a real b*tch roll tonight and she wasn't the only one.  Minus 37.

But we'll get back to that.

This is why Lea says she'll never again befriend Adriana. Because the woman is nuts. Well, Lea actually says that she can't be trusted but that almost goes without saying.

Lea actually donated and raised money to keep Adriana's son in his high-priced school. She's even got the paperwork to prove it. You'd think that would by her Adriana's unending loyalty. Not in this town. Minus 21.

Then things get even weirder.

What was up with that makeup artist? Lisa's right. He was a completely unprofessional little troll and Joanna looked like a mean-spirited, vengeful b*tch by defending him. I hope he didn't work for Bravo because he really should have lost his job after this display.

As Joanna said, " a witch will always be a witch" and she and Adriana definitely got on their broomsticks tonight. Unfortunately they're not done yet. They'll be back for more Thursday night for The Real Housewives of Miami "Reunion Part II"

EPISODE TOTAL: -118! SEASON TOTAL: -618!

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