The Real Housewives of Miami Recap: The Marriage Meltdown

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The Real Housewives of Miami viewers experienced a true "Brazilian Bridezilla" as Adriana planned the perfect wedding, and then almost destroyed it.

We break it all down in THG's +/- recap!

Bridezilla Moment

So how does the perfect wedding day start? With the groom giving the bride B12 vitamin shots in her butt. Minus 15. Can you feel the romance?

Next comes a discussion about pre-wedding waxing. No not the cars… Adriana. She needs her eyebrows done and her private regions.

Frederick's looking for a "happy trail" but Adriana tells him she's got the "Amazon." He makes a face and says he wants the "Sahara" for their wedding night.

Minus 40. Seriously folks. Way too much information.

Honestly, Lea Black and Joanna Krupa got off lucky getting snubbed. Plus 20. A day at the beach looked like a lot more fun than being a guest at this wedding.

It's a little hard to tell if this is a romance or a horror movie with Adriana doing her best impersonation of Jason from the Friday the 13th movies as she wanders the hotel suite with a full facial mask. Minus 11.

And the more her bridesmaids beg her to get ready, the more dramatic Adriana becomes.

Marysol says that when the grim reaper comes for Adriana one day, she'll keep him waiting too. Plus 8.

As her sweaty, tired guests sit in uncomfortable church pews, Adriana is an hour late to her own wedding.  Minus 13.

On a positive note, she really does look like a fairy tale princess in that gown. Plus 25.

Thank goodness Adriana has Frederic. He must truly love her. Nothing else could explain living with such craziness.

Speaking of crazy…on to the reception.

If the wedding was an hour late, the reception is double that. Alexia says that being late is a Latin thing. Minus 33. Being late is a rude thing.

And how funny was it to see the guests scrambling to find a place to change their clothes. Minus 21. Nothing says formal affair like having to change in your car.

The saddest moment of the night was watching Lenny and Lisa bicker. I couldn't really blame either of them. Lenny was exhausted. It was 11pm before Adriana finally showed and they hadn't even served dinner.

But in Lisa's defense, who wants their husband to leave them behind at a wedding reception. It's embarrassing. Minus 18.

Hopefully there was enough champagne to soothe their minor marriage meltdown.

With one wedding down…it's off to LA for round two.

EPISODE TOTAL: -98! SEASON TOTAL: -657!

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I live in Miami and this Latin/Cuban lateness excuse does exist and is nothing more than rude, useless drama. Just a lame excuse for self absorbed, diva behavior.