The Real Housewives of Miami Recap: Feeling the Romance

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Finally, Joanna gets some lovin' and "Mama Elsa Comes Home" on The Real Housewives of Miami. We break down the dominatrix role play and the lamest bachelorette party ever in THG's +/- recap!

Is this what Joanna Krupa considers romance?  Minus 10.

Feeling the Romance

Although I'm sure it's fine…or more than fine with most men, I don't think this is quite what Romain had in mind when he hoped for a romantic night out.

Perhaps role play just isn't the thing for these two…or maybe they need to agree on the script ahead of time.

Either way, Romain looked absolutely adorable in those glasses so Plus 25 because I love a handsome man in glasses.

Romain does seem to be a good influence on Joanna. He gets her to call a summit meeting between her and Adriana.

And even though Adriana and Frederick show up over an hour late (minus 13! That's so rude.) They all manage to make nice in the end. They even apologize for their nasty tweets.

Has anyone else noticed that the Housewives have a lot of Twitter issues. It's amazing how much trouble they can find with 140 characters or less.

Elsewhere in Miami, Lisa Hochstein is taking care of hubby Lenny after his liposuction. But where's her sexy nurse costume?

Minus 30. Talk about a missed opportunity.

But she's right, Lenny looks like he's been shot. It's really quite gross and then there's blood all over the bed. Eww… if that won't make you rethink lipo I don't know what will.

Mama Elsa finally comes home from the hospital and she's looking good. Plus 15.

Marysol Patton decides to clean Mom's house. No, I'm sorry that's cleanse Mom's house. A little dust might be annoying but those evil spirits have got to go.

She even gets a healing crystal to clear her mind. It's in Elsa's drink. Elsa thinks it's weird and if Elsa thinks something is weird…well I'd say your in big trouble. Minus 22.

Alexia's mother has a sit down with Peter where she tells him his father is considered a loser.  I'm not saying she's wrong but is this the way to boost the guy's self esteem? Minus 27.

But back to Adriana who's still planning her wedding.

The grand plan is to have all of the guests arrive at the church wearing white. Then they'll have to change into Great Gatsby themed attire for the reception.

Talk about a high maintenance wedding!

For some reason Adriana has Marysol plan her bachelorette party because when you're looking for a wild time, Marysol is the friend you go to. Minus 33.

It's the most boring bachelorette party ever. At least she could have had Elsa do some psychic readings or something.

It's so lame that Adriana sets her wedding gown on fire.  No, not the newest one. It's the dress she was suppose to walk down the aisle in four years ago. You know, for the wedding that happened but didn't happen?

Speaking of which, where the hell is Lea Black?

There's a Housewife missing from my episode. I want my hour back.

EPISODE TOTAL: -95! SEASON TOTAL: -462!

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