The Real Housewives of Miami Recap: Botox & the Brazilian Bridezilla

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The Real Housewives of Miami had "Birkin Buddies" and a Brazilian bridezilla to contend with but what's a wedding without tears, Botox and IV cocktails?

We begrudgingly recap it all in our weekly THG +/- RHOM review ...

But first off let's check out what's on Joanna Krupa's to-do list…

Joanna Krupa's Calendar

Sex, sex, and more sex. Yeah, this girl's got only one thing on her mind. Unfortunately her fiance doesn't have that much of a one track mind. Minus 15.

In Romain's défense, he's already tried to explain to Joanna that he'd like more romance in their lives…so she went for dominatrix role play.

Minus 22. If that's her definition of romance these two really do need therapy.

I was surprised and impressed with how open Romain was in talking about his abusive past. Plus 40. His step-mother sounds like quite the evil monster and it's horrible to think he and his brother had to endure that as children. Hopefully the therapist can help heal more than just their sex lives.

Moving on, Lisa was everywhere in this episode. From explaining why she doesn't enjoy giving bj's with Joanna and Romain to getting a Birkin handbag from Lea Black to battling it out with Marysol Patton, the girl was on fire. Plus 33.

Finally Joanna asked Lisa to be her bridesmaid. It's about damn time. Plus 10.

But it was Adriana's bridezilla act that took center stage.

First I couldn't believe she sent out e-vites for her formal wedding?!? Minus 50. That's so tacky. If guests are going to do multiple costume changes they at least deserve a real invitation.

And did you see that invite?  It looked like you should have your attorney check it out before you agreed to attend this party. Minus 25. I've never seen so many rules.

So how did the Brazilian Bridezilla react when she found out that Lisa was also in Joanna's wedding party?  

I'm fairly certain Adriana would have tried to bully Lisa if she thought she could. Instead she decided that since her wedding was first, that made Lisa her sloppy seconds. Minus 33. With friends like this, Lisa should consider moving to another city.

Of course Adriana had other things on her mind, like getting her IV vitamin cocktail and making sure her groom got Botoxed before walking down the aisle.

Every bride has their priorities. Minus 22.

Alexia's birthday only served as a battleground for Marysol to try and beat up on Lea. I really wished Lea would have stuck around and stood her ground. Running away made her look guilty and I'm not sure she is.

And why is Ana even still on this show. Lisa's right. She's a condescending witch…and worse yet she's kind of boring and irrelevant. Minus 13. Time to move on to more interesting Housewives.

Next week is Adriana's big day. Will this ceremony actually happen?  Will the guests find space to change? Will anyone survive?

EPISODE TOTAL: -97! SEASON TOTAL: -559!

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Botox NYC is all about SEX and Sexy Countries like Brazil are tending towards it in their ways.