The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: No Horsing Around

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Leave it to The Real Housewives of New Jersey to turn a "Horse Whisper to a Scream." 

Read on as we break down who among the women embraced their vulnerable side and who ended up looking like a horse's a$$ in THG's official +/- recap!

Not the Horse Whisperer

Jersey is still in the house at the Mirval Resort and Spa and it may never be the same again.

But psychic advisors and gong therapy aren't what Melissa envisioned for her birthday.  "I'm done. I want a f**king cocktail by the pool in a bikini." Plus 15. No one can say she's not a girl who knows what she want.

Everyone's still recovering from the ghost whisperer when they all head out to see a horse whisperer.  Funny thing is, Wyatt the equine therapist reads these Jersey housewives and their hubbies like the comic book characters they are. Plus 22.

As they head towards the stables everyone comments on how refreshing it is. It's a healing place. Or in Joe Guidice's words, "It smells like sh*t."

Plus 7 for keeping it real Joe. We expect nothing less.

Wyatt tells this motley crew that when they're not being authentic, the horse can pick up on it. Energy is his language. I wouldn't blame the poor creature if he took off at a full gallop and never looked back.

Everyone thinks this is a bunch of hooey until Wyatt takes one look at Richie and tells him that he creates jokes so he doesn't have to pay attention to what he feels. Plus 20. Nailed it.

It also comes out that Richie has a lousy temper and yells at Kathy when he's aggravated. Somehow the fact that he drives his wife to tears on a regular basis is a shocker to Richie even after decades of marriage. Minus 30.

OK. Show of hands…who thought Juicy Joe was taking a phone call from his mistress?  Yeah, me too but it only turned out to be Milania.  But the look on Teresa's face made me wonder if she was worried too.

The Gorgas and the Guidices can't get the poor horse to raise his hoof. Not a good sign.

But Plus 27 to Joe Guidice for actually admitting that he's scared about his legal issues and giving his horse technique another go.

When Melissa doesn't know how to handle the horse, she falls back on her instincts…or as Wyatt dubs it, her "whore on a stroll walk." Plus 33. This guy is good.

He also explains that there's a difference between being nice and being manipulative.  If you're being nice you're not expecting anything in return. Ha! When was the last time that happened between Melissa and Teresa?

In one of the most touching moments, Albert opens up about being abused as a child and Wyatt terms Caroline Manzo's support of her husband a "thing of beauty."  Plus 22.  Then Caroline turns around and handles that horse like a pro.

The aftermath of the day is even more telling.

Kathy realizes her voice deserves to be heard, even when her husband and the other Housewives seem to drown her out.

Of course Teresa Giudice describe this breakthrough as, "Kathy's having one of her Marcia, Marcia, Marcia moments." Minus 13 Damn Teresa. Heaven forbid it's not all about you.

As the rest of the group walks away with the knowledge that sometimes the more vulnerable you are, the better off you'll be, Teresa and Melissa decide the therapy was a waste time. They don't have any insecurities.

……OK. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop laughing. Or should I be crying because I can't decide whether that is funny or sad.

At least Teresa made the effort to approach Jacqueline. Jacqueline admits that Teresa is like the horse. She's afraid if she gets too close she might get kicked. Good analogy.

But if Tre were a true friend she should have told Jacqueline her hair was a mess on camera. Just sayin...

At least Teresa got something out of the day.  What did Melissa learn? "That I can't lift a horse's leg."

So much for therapy.

EPISODE TOTAL: +103! SEASON TOTAL: -343!

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I think that Joe was taking a call from his mistress. It has been rumored that one of the people he has fooled around with is the family nanny. He answers saying "What are you doing?" then makes the same kind of sound he made last season when he was talking to his mistress while at the winery. Then when Tre starts walking over he says something like "uh oh, her we go" and then quickly changes the tone of his voice and says loudly "yeah, mommy was talking to a horse". I'm sure the nanny must have thrown Milania on the phone quickly before Tre got to it. Does Joe not realize that he is on camera when he is talking to his mistresses? What a tool.

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So here is my feedback. There has been clear evidence that Melissa cheated on Tarzan while they were married. Not only this but Melissa's past is rather checkered to include a THEFT conviction in Florida while she was living there. The past 2 seasons, Bravo.has been miliking the "teresa v melissa feud" and has created and continues to point all the rumors or stories about Melissa to Teresa (and that Teresa is planting stories or lying about all of it). I believe that Bravo is being very smart about this! They know that Teresa and Joe G are in SERIOUS trouble and are most likely going to be off the show one way or another within the year. What's going to be left when that hapens? The rest of the cast is about as boring as it gets! This is where Bravo inserts and focuses HARD on Melissa's checkered past. The cheating, the stalking behavior with her Ex, the theft, her whoring ways, etc etc. That is the only way this show coninues and I could see this new story line lasting a couple of seasons on its own. Time will only tell but if I was a betting man I would go all in on this prediction. Sincerely, Walter H. White

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@ walter white

"here we go" not "her we go"

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@ Aimee

Sorry, meant to respond to my comment not this one.

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