The Real Housewives of Miami Recap: The Crazy Ones

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Half of the The Real Housewives of Miami are off to "La la Land" this week, while the other half stay to deal with the crazy people of Miami.

The funny part is, they don't realize that they are the crazy people of Miami. But in any case, we break it all down in THG's +/- recap.

Let's start with the LA contingent…

Housewives in LaLa Land

Lea Black and Lisa Hochstein head to L.A. with Joanna Krupa to help plan her wedding.

Why Los Angeles? Because Joanna's favorite house is there. Oh, did we forget to mention, she's got five homes scattered around the globe. Plus 15.

Modeling certainly pays the bills…and then some.

Joanna's gorgeous Hollywood Hills abode may be a dangerous place for runaway luggage but it's certainly pet friendly with six dogs and a litter of abandoned kittens who need to be bottle fed. Some of these are from her Angels for Animals Rescue. Nice way to give back and look out for the furry friends in need. Plus 30.

And add another plus 20 for taking care of her Mom. The woman who came over from Poland with her two little girls and not much else now gets to enjoy her daughter's swimming pool and tennis courts. How things have changed?

But Ms. Krupa's far from perfect. Check out her bullying Lisa into backing out of Adriana's wedding. How rude? Minus 40.

Why do both Joanna and Adriana think they have the right to tell Lisa who she can have as a friend. Good for Lisa for standing up for herself. If I were her I think I'd tell them both no.

Maybe a Birkin bag from Lea will help make up for the indignity.

Speaking of Adriana, remember last season when she almost seemed normal? Well those days are long gone.

Now she expects her wedding guests to show up in white formal wear and then traipse up to a suite and change into 1920s attire for her Great Gatsby inspired wedding reception.

Minus 25. I've heard of brides changing into different outfits but forcing your guest into multiple wardrobe changes seems extreme. I can't wait to see how many ways this can go wrong.

And did anyone else catch Adriana's line about Frederick effectively acting like Alex's father at this point and that her son's happiness comes before hers? Did she mean that Alex's happiness is why she waited this long or that it's the only reason why she's going through with the marriage at all?  Minus 12 because I'm confused.

But the over the top wedding plans only touch on the craziness in Miami. For that we have to visit Alexia.

When her Venue staff turned out to be too young to even remember the TV show Miami Vice, I felt way too old. Minus 15.

Unfortunately Alexia's life looks like a bad episode of the old cop drama with Peter on the wrong side of the law.

Looks like Alexia tried to protect her sons from their drug dealing daddy all these years and now Peter idolizes the guy. Add to it Peter's got a hair trigger temper and his inability to take responsibility for his actions and how long do you think it will be before he ends up on the wrong side of prison bars?

If Peter plans on attacking every cab driver who flips him off, it won't be long at all.

Yet Alexia blames the cab driver…and all the other craze people of Miami. Because her family, totally sane. Minus 30.

I hope they have better shrinks in Miami than her mom. They're going to need them.

EPISODE TOTAL: -57! SEASON TOTAL: -367!

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