Excuse us please. We may need a few moments...
Sarah Silverman, a comedian known a lot more for her raunch than her emotion (did you read her quips at the James Franco Roast?!?) has tugged at the heartstrings of anyone with a pulse via an "obituary type thing" she penned on WhoSay this weekend in honor of her late dog, Duck.
"Duck left me today but I forgive him," Silverman wrote late last night, adding that the canine she rescued 14 years ago was "a happy dog, though serene. And stoic. And he loved love."
Over the past few years, Duck had grown deaf, blind and arthritic - and when he stopped eating, Silverman couldn't deny the inevitable any longer.
"I couldn't figure out this hunger strike. Duck had never been political before. And then, over the weekend, I knew. It was time to let him go," she wrote.
Silverman's boyfriend, Kyle Dunnigan, flew to Los Angeles to spend the dog's final few hours with Sarah and the two "laid in bed and massaged [Duck's] tiny body… hearing his little 'I'm in heaven' breaths" until the vet arrived to administer "basically an overdose of sleeping meds."
Seriously, can someone pass the Kleenex?
"I held him and kissed him and whispered to him well passed his passing," Silverman concluded. "I picked him up and his body was limp - you don't think about the head - it just falls. I held him so tight. And then finally, when his body lost its heat, and I could sense the doctor thinking about the imminent rush hour traffic, I handed him over."
And then the same woman who once practiced virtual cunnilingus with Conan O'Brien ended with a poem:
My longest relationship.
My only experience of maternal love.
My constant companion.
My best friend.