James Franco Gets Roasted: The Best Jokes

by at .  Updated at . Comments

He may have been the worst host in Academy Awards history.

He holds about 27 occupations. He's very well-dressed and squints a lot.

All these topics and many more came up during the Comedy Central roast of James Franco last night, a program that trended all night on Twitter and which featured many of Hollywood's funniest men and women.

What were the best lines and slams? Watch the above video for a few gems and scroll down for our favorites...

Judd Apatow was going to direct this roast, but Comedy Central didn't want it to be 40 minutes too long.

Seth Rogen

I don't think James is gay or straight. It's just that he literally can't open his eyes enough to see who he's f-cking.

Sarah Silverman

So many gay jokes tonight about Franco. Apparently if you're clean, well dressed and mildly cultured, you're super gay now. Is that why the rest of you guys are so aggressively fat and dirty? You think if you read one book and take a shower, dicks are going to just fly into your face.

Aziz Ansari

James Franco is truly our generation’s James Dean. So handsome that you forget he’s only been in two good movies. Dean, of course, died at the tender age of 24 sparing himself the embarrassment of writing self-indulgent short stories and getting roasted by a bunch of jealous Jew monsters.

Nick Kroll

Andy Samberg’s comedy group is called The Lonely Island, which is how each of his teeth feel.

Natasha Leggero

Bill Hader was brilliant on SNL and when he left the show every single person was like, ‘What are you doing? You’re never ever going to work again.’ And what does my man Bill do? Boom, he books a T-Mobile commercial. Who’s laughing now, Lorne Michaels? My man Bill is. If that thing goes national, we could be talking like 10, 15 grand. This guy’s cashing checks from the fourth largest mobile provider in the nation. I respect Bill because Sprint was coming after him hard, but he held out for that f–k you T Mobile money.

Jonah Hill

Andy Samberg, looking forward to your new show Brooklyn 99. Funny cops. You’re always pushing the envelope Andy. What’s going to happen when you run out of funny crimes like graffiti and pickpockets? Can’t wait to see episode 10 when Brooklyn 99 has to deal with a rape. ‘Oh I dropped the rape kit. Sporgie Dorg!’

Bill Hader

The joke’s on all of you. This is not a roast. This is my greatest most elaborate art installation ever. I’m not the real guest of honor, these aren’t real comedians and we’re not even on a real network. What you’ve seen tonight was my brilliant opus to sequester an artistic visionary and subject him to the mindless incoherent trashings of talentless abnormalities. I call it Genius Unscathed and this is my masterpiece.

Tags:
x Close Ad