We might be finished with The Real Housewives of Orange County Season 8, but that doesn't mean Bravo's Andy Cohen is!
He'll sit down with the domestic divas and rehash the highs and lows of the OG Housewives' franchise. He's got Lauri Peterson in the house so we know this is going to be good.
We'll sit here with a glass of pinot to recap it all in true THG +/- fashion.
First question to Vicki. Her divorce from Donn isn't final. Still. Two seasons later. Minus 3.
There's "no sense of urgency" because once she signs the papers she'll have to pay spousal support. Makes sense to me. Plus 8.
After Vicki peed Tamra's bed in Mexico, Tamra slept in it. Minus 25.
Tamra's planning to throw Gretchen a bachelorette party, so maybe those two made up in the off-season?
Eh, maybe they didn't. Andy shows the recaps of Gretchen getting screwed by Tamra and Vicki and ask if Tamra trusts Gretchen as a friend. Tamra says "no." Minus 2.
Vicki says she didn't really plan to drive a wedge between Tamra and Gretchen. Gretchen's not buying it.
Regarding rumors that Tamra's two-faced, Tamra says Gretchen started it. And that Gretchen is just as two-faced as she claims Tamra is. Gretchen says that whatever she says about someone behind her back, she's willing to say to the person's face. Plus 4.
Aside from a comment about Heather walking funny, that seems to be true. Is it bad that Gretchen doesn't seem smart enough to lie?
Vicki calls Gretchen out for saying that she slept with 12 guys to try and prove Gretchen's double-talking ways. Gretchen tells her to take it up with Lauri and Vicki vows to do just that.
Gretchen's possible indiscretions during her relationship with Jeff get brought up. Apparently, Tamra saw her at the St. Regis sitting on some guy's lap while Jeff was in the hospital dying. It's not looking too good for Gretch right now. Minus 8.
Lydia tries to get Alexis to comment on Gretchen's possible cheating and Alexis refuses to comment because she doesn't want to participate in the pile-on. Heather tells her that it's not a pile-on if she gives her opinion. Alexis says she saw Gretchen and a guy and behavior that "could go either way."
Tamra says that in the past two years of her friendship with Gretchen, she always thought that Gretchen was a cheater but swept it under the rug for the sake of moving forward. Plus 3.
Vicki says she doesn't hate Gretchen and she wants the best for her but she sends vile texts to Tamra about Gretchen. Tamra calls BS on Vicki for that one and Vicki admits that she doesn't really care about Gretchen.
Hey! Some truth! Plus 12.
Conversation circles BACK around to Gretchen's alleged infidelity and Vicki says the truth always comes out. There is much unintelligible screaming and a bewildered Andy Cohen.
Lydia is asked whether or not she thinks people take her seriously because she's so bubbly all the time. Lydia says she thinks she's a genius and likes that people don't think she's smart. That gets a big ol' Minus 12.
Dear Lydia, what women don't need is smart women who act like ditzes because they think people will like them more. Smart women are strong women. YWIA.
Another question accuses Lydia of being a pot-stirrer. (Hahaha. "Pot" stirrer.) Lydia says she's just being "authentic." Minus 20.
Alexis says that Lydia didn't support her like a friend when Lydia was asked whether or not she was friends with Alexis early on in her introduction to the show.
Heather brings up the fact that Doug and Lydia laughed about her request to be on the cover of their magazine and Lydia maintains that it wasn't her decision. In that issue, they went with Marilyn Monroe for the cover and Lydia gave herself a 10-page editorial spread. Minus 12.
Lydia thinks it's totally okay to put herself inside the magazine because she wasn't on the cover. Minus 12.
Heather wrote a Bravo blog about Lydia that seemed to lump Lydia in with the bad behavior of Tamra and Vicki while in Mexico. Lydia didn't appreciate it and called Heather "vicious." Heather says she apologized because that's what good girls do.
Lydia says she was just kidding when she came down to breakfast after Stripper-gate and asked if everyone was still classy. Heather, apparently, didn't think it was a joke. So Lydia says she'll just never be friends with Heather because Heather can't take a joke. Minus 8.
Heather says she's apologized to Lydia on numerous occasions for the things in her blog and offers to "pop a vein" so Lydia will believe her.
And, Lauri's back. After watching back the recap of the drama Lauri brought to the show this season, it's clear just how she played the game. She was fully aware of everything she said and implied the whole time she was on the show.
The backstory: George's ex-wife's mother sent Vicki a letter. Vicki sent that letter to Jeana. Jeana sent that letter to everybody because that's what Jeana does. The letter hurt George's reputation and Lauri came back for...revenge? Did she study at the Emily Thorne school of skullduggery?
Everyone's screaming at once and Gretchen wants to know why it's okay for Vicki and Tamra to do what they do but no one else can do the same thing. Tamra screams that Vicki lost clients because of Lauri's lies.
But Vicki wants to compare 1099s with Gretchen to show her who's boss. Minus 10.
Vicki says she never meant to hurt Lauri and Lauri believes that's a lie. She believes Vicki tried to sabotage her relationship with George so she definitely came back to get even.
Vicki tells Lauri to stay out of her life. Then says that the only reason Lauri came back is because she couldn't stand not being "famous."
Alexis throws out her two cents that Vicki "may be a whackadoodle" but she's "not a threesome kind of girl." Plus 5.
Vicki and Gretchen get into a screaming match about admitting what they've done or not done and someone get those girls a lozenge.
Vicki accuses Lauri of cheating on her marriage and says that she, Vicki, loves monogamy. But didn't she admit in Whistler to cheating on Donn? Minus 12.
Vicki says there's no hope for her friendship with Lauri.
EPISODE TOTAL: -92! SEASON TOTAL: -234!