The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Who's the Dirty Dog?

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey had half the cast trying to be "Best Frenemies Forever" but how long will the tenuous truce last?

We call out who's a dirty dog and who can't handle basic grammar in THG's +/- review.

The hour begins with Melissa Gorga heading out to her husband's construction site to drop off some papers. As the mud gets on her designer boots shy whines, "Is it always this dirty here?"

Melissa Gorga Continues To Sing

Minus 15. It's a construction site! I'm guessing she doesn't visit much… and I hope that equipment Joe Gorga had her driving was adequately insured because it looked as though someone was going to get hurt.

Joe's all hyped up about his photo shoot for a Sizzle Tan billboard. What makes him qualified? "I am perfect."  Minus 18. No lack of ego here.

He begs Melissa to join him but since Teresa did a commercial for the company last year, Melissa doesn't want to be accused of being a copy cat yet again. Plus 20 for avoiding the drama.

But maybe she should have gone just to keep an eye on her ex-stripper hubby.

When a bikini clad model steps in on the photo shoot, Gorga quips, "It's not like my filet mignon but once in a while you need a hot dog. A dirty dog." Minus 50. Way to go there Joe. You simultaneously insulted the girl in front of you and vaguely admitted to cheating on your wife all in one mouthful.

Maybe Melissa's too busy with her own photo shoot for her book cover to notice. Minus 13 for being a complete control freak. I lost count of how many times she told the photographer how to do his job.

At least the Gorgas and Guidices are making an effort to get along and learning to let some of the stupid stuff roll of their backs. Plus 35 because it's really nice to see the cousins having such fun together.

Of course not all of the relationships in Housewives territory are on the mend.

Teresa Giudice keeps her promise to Caroline and calls Jacqueline but maybe they should have called in Dr. V to help out with this one. As the husbands share a smoke and drink downstairs, Teresa and Jacqueline are busy opening old wounds and calling one another new names.

Jacqueline calls Teresa a sociopath and I love that Teresa doesn't even know what the word means. Plus 10. Then Teresa tells Jacqueline she's one of the evil people in the world.

The ladies have an odd way of mending fences. Minus 21. Is there any way this conversation ends without them hating one another even more?

The rift in the Manzo family also continues to grow bit by bit as Albert finally tells Caroline to "Shut the F up!" and leave Albie alone. Plus 18.

Is there any chance that's actually going to happen? No but it's nice of Albert to try.

And on a side note, who could have imagined that water that looks like it came out of a dirty pipe wouldn't sell? Go figure. Maybe they'll have better luck selling ice cream sundaes out of sand pails.

And finally there's Rosie, who brings her entire family along to pick up a date at a bar. Well that's a strategy I'd never thought of. Minus 12.

Then Rosie's upset because she's finding too many swingers and bisexuals at her lesbian bar. It's a place that hands out wrist bands to denote if you're DTF (down to f**k) or in other words looking for a quickie in a bathroom stall. Who would think she wouldn't find true love here? Minus 22.

Rosie does find Ellen who is lesbian, hot, and seems nice, although it was hard to tell since Rosie didn't give her five minutes to speak. Shocking that the woman couldn't get out of there fast enough.

A few last notes…

  • It's tweeting not twittering. Can someone get that memo to Teresa?
  • I may be willing to pay actual cash if someone can get Melissa to stop singing.
  • Gabriella asks, "How much adults is there?" She's 8 but then again if Teresa is her role model it's no wonder basic grammar is an issue.
  • When asked if she'll cook for her future husband, Milania responds, "He's going to cook for me." You go girl!

So should Caroline be worried about her marriage? Is there any hope of a Teresa / Jacqueline reconciliation? And is Melissa's perfect marriage all a sham?

Weigh in on this week's The Real Housewives of New Jersey below ...

EPISODE TOTAL -68!  SEASON TOTAL: -401!

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