The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Hookah & Haircare

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This week on The Real Housewives on New Jersey, we were shown a "Hair-Binger of Doom" as a six year old gets her own professional hair care line.

Yup, anything can happen in Jersey and we recap it all in our THG +/- review.

Pass the Hookah

I've lost count of the amount of products Teresa Guidice has out there but this one might just top the list. Now she's got a professional hair care line…and she's named it after her six year old.

Minus 20.  First off, I've never much liked Teresa's hair.  Second, don't you think her other kids might be a little ticked off that Milania's getting all the attention? Way to play favorites there Mom.

And is little Milania angling for her own show? Plus 8 because her parading around in a padded bra was disturbingly funny as was telling Tre to take her name off the product if she couldn't come to the launch party.

In reality it's just another Housewives money making scheme and with all the Guidice legal issues I'm sure their lawyers will take every penny they can get.

I wonder if they'll take Juicy's fancy fur coat as a down payment.

The big event was suppose to be the Milania Professional Haircare launch party where Teresa convinced Melissa to come and have a show down with ex-friend Jan.

Minus 15. It could have been explosive. Instead the sparks barely lit a cigarette.

Jan and Penny resembled a couple of evil witches with too much makeup and Kim D still looks like the guy from Tales of the Crypt after some botox and plastic surgery. Minus 22. These women are scary.

It's clear Jan's taking a pay day from someone and grabbing her 15 minutes of fame with both claws. Penny circled round and round the truth but never would reveal a name.

And Kim D threw on a fake smile and made friends with Melissa to stay on Tre's good side.

But Teresa shoots herself in the foot every time. Minus 25 because although she swore to have Melissa's back all she really seemed interested in was protecting her own ass.

Honestly it was hard to tell if Teresa was guilty of something or just so self absorbed that she made herself look it.

I think Melissa's going to have a lot more to worry about at the spa in Arizona.

Joe Gorga crowed about his brilliant idea. Or more than likely the producers of the show booked it and told Joe where they were headed. But oh, this is reality, right? Minus 11 because I'd be surprised if either Joe could point to Arizona on a map.

Doesn't a trip with the friends and family that had a brawl just a few weeks ago sound like the stress free, relaxing birthday anyone would crave?

Plus 27 because Melissa's face was priceless.

And can someone tell me what's going on with Melissa's hair color?  The jumping from blonde to brunette in those clips was really distracting.

With Teresa's haircare line, Melissa's book, and Kathy's cannolis when will Jacqueline get out there and start hawking something to pay the bills?

Jac made her way back from Hollywood with her tummy tucked and got an adorable hug from little Nicholas. I know it was all played for the cameras and yet I still got all warm and fuzzy just watching.  Plus 33.

But then Jacqueline heads out on the town to smoke hookah with their friends…leaving hubby Chris home with the kids. Couldn't these two afford a babysitter? Minus 12. What's up with that?

Segue to the Manzos where Caroline and Albert continue to bicker. I think he's finally gotten tired of being the only adult paying the bills for everyone else.

Caroline's kids have a big day planned. They argue about where Mom should place her furniture. Minus 19. Welcome to The Real Housewives' Adult Children With No Lives of Their Own.

That and a glass of wine should put you right to sleep.

Lauren may not have a life but she's hoping to find one…without Vito.  When talk of an engagement pops up, Lauren makes it clear she's no longer interested, at least not now.  

Vito shoots back with, "You have the cahones to say no?"  Wow! somebody thinks an awful lot of himself. Minus 11.   I wonder how much longer these two will last.

Finally we get to the Wakile's. Richie continually proves that he's an overbearing old school husband with the maturity of a 12-year old. Minus 40. The running joke that is Richie has gotten old.

How long do you think it will be until Kathy finally snaps and stuffs him into an oven in her test kitchen?  

Don't worry Kathy. We won't tell a soul.

EPISODE TOTAL: -107! SEASON TOTAL: -422!

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All the old hobag's.....at Theresa'a launch party look like old worn out prostitutes..Jan, Penny and tranny Kim D....look like coked out, two dollar street poontang......nasty guidette cunts!

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who cares? Go do you advertising elsewhere! JERK!

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