It's all about Kim Kardashian, morning, noon and night. We learned that last week on Keeping Up With the Kardashians, not that it wasn't obvious prior to that.
Despite being the Golden Child (or Golden Ticket), even Kim can't help but feel a little washed up these days, pregnant and isolated and lonely and bored.
So she's obsessed with young Kyle Jenner. Naturally.
What contrived nonsense did this obsession spawn?
THG recaps the gripping episode, +/- style below ...
These are actual Kim Kardashian quotes:
- "I want Kylie to remember that I have cool style and cool taste."
- "I just want to see what the young crowd is about."
- "[Kylie Jenner] is the real deal."
- "I just want to be cool again."
Yeah. Minus 7,000.
Right out of the gate she admits she's "obsessed" with her younger sister, but then it gets weird during a clothing design meeting with Khloe and Kourtney.
Kim spends a business meeting gushing about how cool a 15-year-old is, which makes Kourtney and Khloe sufficiently weirded out, and for good reason.
Kim is sort of stalking Kylie's Tumblr. And wants to be featured on it, because every single celebrity gossip blog fawning over you isn't enough. Minus 3,000.
At 32, and as someone who's about to be a mother, her interest in a teenager's "coolness" shows a total lack of self-awareness or grounded being.
It's as if Kim worries people will soon forget about her and move on to someone better ... actually for her, that would be like a fate worse than death.
Plus 500. Not that we condone this, but because we do get it a little. Remember Paris Hilton? No? She was Kim Kardashian before Kim was Kim.
Minus 2,500 for walking into the room with her beanie and a chambray button up, which looks ridiculous, even if the producers put her up to that.
"You made fun of me for being the 'fourth sister' and for not acting my age, and you come in here looking like the 'third younger sister.'" - Kris. Plus 4,000.
Gotta hand it to the Momager for that verbal beatdown.
Meanwhile, Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick decide that the Todd Kraines prank has outlived its shelf life and should probably be put to bed.
Well, he decides that. Plus 500 for maturity.
Kourtney DOUBLES DOWN and tries to get her sisters to go in with her on getting the actual Todd Kraines himself in on the prank. Plus 500 for commitment.
Todd shows up, and Kris completely freaks out, panicking and begging Kourtney not to answer the door, which she can't wait to do because she's in on it.
Plus 1,000 for anything that makes Kris Jenner squirm or lose control of the situation ... if there's anyone who needs a good practical joke it's her.
On a more serious note for Kris, Bruce Jenner's mother, Esther, comes in to town and Kris is upset, given that their history is very far from stellar.
Bruce, on the other hand, really wants the two to figure out their differences and extend an olive branch ... with Kris Jenner, good luck with that, Bruce.
How did it go? Not great, not terrible. Plus 1,000 for making the effort at least, as it's not like so many years of history are just going to be erased.
But Minus 1,000 for too much Kris Jenner in a given week. Yeesh.
EPISODE TOTAL: -6,000! SEASON TOTAL: -5,440!