The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: The Magical Dr. V

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey are "On Thin Guid-Ice" as the retreat continues. We recap the drunken hugs and apologies in our THG +/- review.

Dr. V score some points as she quickly reduces Joe Gorga and Teresa Guidice to sobbing puddles. Plus 12. That didn't take long at all.

Hug It Out

But I wouldn't expect tearful hugs from everyone.

The good doctor marches back downstairs for her next victim and assures them all that she's not murdering anyone upstairs.  I don't think some in that crowd would have a problem if she were.

Dr. V brings Melissa Gorga in next.

Joe claims his wife is easy. Minus 8 for Joe. He obviously misunderstood. We weren't talking about in the bedroom.

Dr. V drags out all their dirty laundry. Melissa feels Teresa doesn't accept her as Joe's wife. Teresa feels Melissa rejected her after she married her brother….blah, blah, blah. Minus 14. We've heard all this before.

Then Melissa blurts out, "You call my husband a pussy because he's good to me." Plus 11. Now we're getting somewhere.

Tre laments that she doesn't spread rumors about Melissa being a lying, cheating, whore. It's just out there and people tell her things.  Thankfully Dr. V calls her out on her crap. "If you don't do anything, you're a dumb ass."  Plus 18.

If Melissa and Teresa acted like family and were a untied front then none of the garbage people said about either of them would matter.

There seems to be a breakthrough although it looks like it's more on Teresa's part than Melissa's as Tre tells her, "Come here, bitch" and she pulls her sister-in-law in for a hug.

Then Juicy Joe gets called to the sofa.

Did anyone else roll their eyes when Guidice complained he didn't like when Gorga called Teresa names?  This from the guy who dropped the c-word about his wife. Minus 20.

If anyone doesn't want to be there, it's Joe Guidice but Dr. V gets him to play along. He even tells his brother-in-law, "Sorry I betrayed you. Get over it."  

In this family, that's considered progress. Plus 30.

With a tentative truce called, Dr. V takes off…and Kathy Wakile's pissed. Why didn't she get her turn on the good doc's couch?

Hate to break it to you Kathy but no one here really cares about your issues. Minus 14.

Later, the boys and Rosie head out ice fishing while the ladies stay behind to cook. Got to say I'm with Caroline on this one, "I ain't Jesus. Water ain't meant to be walked on."

Plus, whenever you put the two Joes together, you never know what could happen. It doesn't take long for the two to start sniping at one another.

Gorga relays his version of the fight, "I'm digging for his balls and I couldn't find them," and then "when your dick's the size of two inches, you get upset."

Umm, is this his usually fight strategy?

Plus 22 because the look on the ice fisherman's face was priceless.

The guys were so loud I'm sure they scared all the fish away but at least they made it back to land with all body parts intact.

Back at the castle, Teresa and Kathy were making dinner and Melissa was getting soused. Dinner was pretty uneventful unless you count Joe Gorga throwing Melissa over his shoulder as she yelled, "I'm a whore" on the way up the stairs.

Plus 12. No one's arguing that point.

A few side notes:

  • The 1990s called Joe Gorga. They want their Poison t-shirt back.
  • Ladies, stop with the evil tweets. If you've got something to say, do it face to face.
  • Why does Richie keep feeling up Rosie?
  • Speaking of Rosie, is she ever without a Scotch in her hand?

But leave it to Juicy Joe to surprise us. He tells Teresa to get over her tiff with Jacqueline and put it behind her. He wants his friendship with Chris back. Aww.

Even Caroline gets Tre to promise to try and mend fences with Jacqueline. But how will she pull that off when Jacqueline still considers Teresa an evil witch?

We'll just have to tune in next week to find out.

EPISODE TOTAL: +49! SEASON TOTAL: -333!

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