The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Opie Gets Eaten Alive

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Ugly fights are a standard on The Real Housewives of New Jersey but "When Joes Collide" might just deliver the knock out punch. We recap why everyone should just retreat in our THG +/- review.

The Gorgas, Giudices, and Wakiles head to upstate New York for a team building / conflict resolution retreat. What could possibly go wrong?

On Her Knees


Yes folks, that's a joke, because this thing never even stood a chance. But let's start with who bailed before it even got started.

Plus 25 to Caroline Manzo and Jaqueline Laurita who knew a bad idea when they heard it.

Caroline was too busy walking bridges with her hubby who knew he couldn't retire yet. His wife and grown kids still need him for "financial backup." In other words they need him to pay for pretty much everything.  Minus 10.

What was up with Caroline's boots? I kind of liked them but how many shots did we need of her boots. With that much air time they should have shown a link to buy them across the bottom of the screen.

Jacqueline chose to go because she was busy with her son and her dog was pooping on the deck and basically she hates Teresa and has no interest in rebuilding this team.  Plus 15. One less person screeching was a good thing.

But the rest of the group was going with the best of intentions, right? Ha! Not even close. Minus 33. This group was slinging insults before they even set eyes on one another.

Melissa called Teresa a "happy witch" and said Joe Guidice was "a cheater and an a**hole."  Plus 9 because I can't really argue with the latter.

Especially when Juicy Joe started giving us his views on autism. "A lot of people have autism. Autism isn't really a bad disease.  Some of them are like scientists." Minus 22. Some say ignorance is bliss. I say it's frightening.

Just when things couldn't get any more awkward the team builders arrived and Melissa read my mind, "I don't think Opie and little Miss Sunshine are equipped for this group."

Plus 13. I couldn't help but laugh when they walked in. Steve may have worked in the Middle East but he didn't look like he'd ever set foot in Jersey. Stevie and Stephanie were about to get eaten alive.

So first they worked on a poor man's version of Twister which had Joe Gorga groping his wife's ass. Minus 27. I didn't know that team building exercises included getting felt up.

Things deteriorated quickly from there. Talking turned to yelling and screaming and suddenly Melissa's on her knees.

The jokes for that one are just too easy.

Teresa couldn't figure out why everyone thought she needed to apologize for anything as this whole mess with her brother and Melissa was all Jacqueline's fault. Minus 15. No wonder she was so upset Jacqueline didn't show.

Before you knew it Teresa was telling her brother to grow a pair and stick with his family and he shot back, "I'm not sticking with scum like you."

Minus 20. Apparently Juicy Joe isn't the only one allowed to call Teresa nasty names.

And where did Steve and Stephanie go? Probably handing the check back and driving away from this debacle as fast as they can.

As soon as Teresa ran to her hubby for backup we knew the much publicized scene was upon us. The Joes collided as Giudice stormed in the door and Gorga physically charged him.

As Kathy said in the beginning, "Nobody's going to leave until we get this resolved or we die trying." Minus 35. It looks like the odds are much better on an ambulance being called over any type of resolution.

Maybe they all just should have retreated.

So who was at fault? Joe Guidice? Joe Gorga? Or Teresa for pulling them all together in the first place?

Episode total = -100!                                  Season total = -337!
 

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Teresa and Juicy have a great family (excluding her midget brother). It was so obvious that Melissa and Slo Jo are jealous of Teresa's success since they took time out to completely segue to criticizing her products and her four best selling books in the most recent episode. These two morons only wish they had an ounce of that kind of success. Instead they have bills they can't pay and a "rock star" who can't sing. As Jay Mohr said she can't hit a note with a Range Rover. Meanwhile Kathy Wakile is wiping the mold off the old Bindi cannoli kits that were in dormancy until they dragged them out of the vault so Kathy could slap her mug on it. Let's just say there wasn't much of a market for a $50 cannoli kit especially since you can get the same or better at Costco for around $9.00 with tax. A lot fresher too. Richie Wakile lost his gas station and was sued by Exxon and others. The Lauritas darn near lost their house and are embroiled in lawsuits up the ying, yang. They have been accused of defrauding a charity, stealing the BLK thing (dead in the water, pun intended), draining the apparel company that went bankrupt AND they have criminal charges pending. At the Manzoids nothing much is happening. Lauren is still chubby and bitter, Al disinterested because his attentions are elsewhere and the "boys" have moved all the way to Hoboken. But don't worry Mommy is living near by. I always get the sense that Caro stuffed those boys in the closet and won't let them live. They all tried to bring Teresa down, yet it didn't work and I am certain that more trouble is heading their way. Jealousy is an ugly thing and these neanderthals have plenty of ugly.

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You can just look in Teresa's eyes and see that she is a miserable & sad person...her husband is a jerk..to her and their children and everyone else..hes embarrassed her on national TV every time he gets camera time. I really think the main reason she doesn't get along with ANY of the other ladies ..is because she is SO JEALOUS because their life's
seem somewhat "normal"....some people are just sad lonely miserable people and so they want everyone around them
to be the same. She needs to take her children and kick loud mouth to the curb and try and give those little girls some peace and stability in their life and act like a GROWN WOMAN & MOTHER...

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What world are y'all in? This article is so biased they're probably on Melissa & Joe Gorga's payroll. Teresa doesn't have to like Melissa she just has to love her & vice versa. They aren't each others keepers' & if Melissa wasn't screaming to the rooftops how horrible Teresa is maybe HER own friends wouldn't come to Tre saying awful things. Since the Gorga's very first episode, they've done nothing but air Teresa's dirty laundry and none of us asked for that. Season 2 reunion Teresa shoved The crap out of Andy trying to get to Danielle after she brought up her family on national television. It's called having some respect and its very hard to keep doing that if your own brother would rather listen to strangers than believe you. They all surround themselves with Tre's old friends, hang out spots, etc, & talk about her and her family like dogs but she's suppose to stand up and defend them. Nope not at all. They're upset with themselves, they hate that they tried so hard to make Tre look bad that it backfired with them and their parents are disgusted. Gorga is in for a rude awakening tonight because he's taken this hate towards his sister too far, scum really? He's disgusting along with his wannabe J.Ho wife. & it's time for am apology!!!!!!!!!! :)

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@ Brigette

You certainly have that twisted around! Teresa is the only NJ housewife who has any success. The others are very jealous of her because well, gosh, Brownstone Sauce? Really? BLK? Cannoli Kits? Doesn't seem that anyone cares about these products. Teresa haters can't face that overwhelmingly, Teresa is the most popular and the most successful. Joe seems to love her and the girls and she should just leave her unintelligent brother to his own life and wife and forget about the awful cousins. Maybe let Rosie around, but not Kathy and her nasty husband. Yes, Joe did call her the C word, wrong wrong wrong, but he was upset the kids were home in the Hurricane and he also had some legal issues to tend to and didn't want to be there.

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Teresa is a hater. She is such an ugly person. I have no respect for people like her.

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@ LILI

Sorry Bridget, my comment was meant for Teri.

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@ Dana

Teresa's a hater? I am laughing. You say that on the heels of her brother saying he hates Teresa, she is the devil, he has hated Joe Guidice for over 10 years, Melissa saying Joe Gu is an asshole, a cheater and doesn't love Teresa or care about her. Well that's a relieve to know that Joe Gu has poured his heart out to his very close friend, Melissa.

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@ LILI

Agree with you. In one of Melissa's talking heads, she says smugly "We pay our bills." (This is at the time Teresa and Joe were having financial issues.) Another site did a little investigating on that "we pay our bills" statement and guess what? At the time, the little man and his wife had 26 liens against them. Melissa was a liar from day one and has never stopped. She is insanely jealous of Teresa.

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One question: How come Joe Guidice gets away with calling his wife (Joe Gorgas sister) "Here she comes, my bitch wife." "She's such a c***" ?
BUT when the tables turns and Gorga uses the word scum (which by the way seems quite legit) all hell breaks loose? Don't know why I bother to write anything about this circus, but I guess I couldn't help myself from being curious of how these type of minds can function. Just give up, go your own way, if you think it's so much easier to hang out with friends instead of sticking up for your family - maybe your friends are the family and vice verse.
No harm to that, just accept and keep moving on - time is to short to spend years and years arguing.

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@ Ana

FINALLY! Somebody with some common sense! Joe Giudice should have been knocked on his behind for referring to his wife that way. How can he even have the audacity to show his face to her family after that?

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@ Rachael

Oh, I see. You get outraged that Joe called his wife a c*nt, but her dimwitted brother calling her scum is "legit." Hmmmm I see who you are now.

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To be honest i think its everyone who is involved in this shows fault on why there is so much conflict between Melissa, Teresa, Joe, and Joe. Yes i understand that Teresa shouldn't have ran her mouth about Melissa, but people like Caroline and Jacqueline stepped in and made more fire. Then with people still going up to Melissa about the situation months later made the situation 10x worse. The way EVERYONE if acting is that high school stuff. I would know I'm still in high school. The cast can punt fingers at Teresa all they want and hate her all they want , but once you think about it, its everybody's fault. The best way to let this blow over is not talk about since talking about it doesnt work. When you guys go around Teresa just talk about happy things and never bring up rumors again. Its pointless... Brush it off your shoulders like adults and stop acting like my age. Its starting to get ridiculous. To me I'm not on team Teresa it Melissa because they're both acting childish. Just saying this season is very pointless to me its the same crap over and over again. Get over it and move on. I mean come on this is coming from a 16 year old who loves watching drama that's sad

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@ Vicki Liveious

Sorry for my grammatical errors

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Theresa and Joe Guidice could very possibly be the dumbest two people in America.

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Teresa selfishly demands her brother put blood first before his own family.The Bible says: Genesis 2:24 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh..”
Ephesians 5:31 “Therefore, a man should leave his father and his mother and should cleave to his wife, and the two of them shall be one flesh.”
If either spouse fails to both leave and cleave, problems will result in a marriage. If spouses refuse to truly leave their parents, conflict and stress result. Leaving your parents does not mean ignoring them or not spending any time with them. Leaving your parents means recognizing that your marriage created a new family and that this new family must be a higher priority than your previous family. If spouses neglect to cleave to each other, the result is a lack of intimacy and unity.
Obviously, Teresa is demanding he LEAVE his wife/family & put HER “blood” first. This is wrong. Obviously Teresa has never read the Bible either. It’s all pure jealousy of the fact that her brother got married to a prettier, younger woman and she still can’t get over it and using the “blood” comes before your family" excuse to try & guilt him into putting HER first before his own wife (and therefore the children of that union). Maybe if he divorced his wife & left his kids and married his own sister, Teresa might be happy finally? Or maybe it's just that's she's unhappy being married to a neanderthal and takes it out on her brother?

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it's like eating Lobster..........well, sort of.

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This fight will never be resolved because Teresa doesn't have the mental capacity to behave or think like an adult. She truly believes that her brother should take her side over his own wife! She refuses to take responsibility for all the horrible things she says or does to a single person on planet earth, especially Melissa. I keep thinking that she'll snap out of her delusions and go " oh, I get it. Joe is married to Melissa and he is gonna do what any husband would and take her side , just like I take the side of my pos husband!" Teresa's husband cheats , lies, steals and talks shit all the time. Besides the fact that he calls her the c word too. Teresa is a delusional idiot. They're wasting their time trying to reason with her because she is too dumb and believes she's perfect and still sees Melissa as an outsider. Her world would be perfect if they divorced and her brother loved no other woman but her! How crazy is that?? She's so dumb it's hard to watch her. Can't stand her.

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@ Tgp

Haha, that was right on spot! The end sentence: "She's so dumb it's hard to watch her." - couldn't agree more!