The Bachelorette Recap: Sausagefest

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The worldwide leg of The Bachelorette has begun as Desiree Hartsock and her group of guys head across the Atlantic to Munich, Germany.

Just think of all the sausage! And beer! 

Who will continue on to the next leg of their whirlwind adventure and who will Des tell to pack his bags? (James Case, perhaps? Or maybe The Bachelorette spoilers can help!)

Find out now in our THG +/- recap!

The Bachelorette in Germany

The guys are all excited to be in Munich. Ben's never been across the Atlantic and Desiree Hartsock has never been in Europe.

What are the chances that this first they're sharing will be their last? We can hope, right?

Back in the suite, the first date card is waiting. But the guys are too busy checking out their digs to look for it. Look! A sauna! So they can gym, tan, laundry without leaving their hotel! Minus 4.

Chris gets the one on one date. He and Des tour the city with a map and a phrase book as their guides. Plus 3 for the spirit of adventure.

Back in the hotel, Bryden says that he's feeling worse and worse the longer he stays. He doesn't think the feelings are progressing as they should. He questions the process and who could be the type of person who could let feelings grow only for the people involved to get hurt.

He wants to go home, so he's going to interrupt her date with Chris to tell her. Minus 10.

After eating some sausage, Chris and Des try on some leiderhosen. Which is definitely as ridiculous as it sounds. Chris says he doesn't think anything could possibly go wrong on their date but doesn't know, obviously, that Bryden is coming to find them.

He walks around the street asking random bystanders if they've seen television cameras until he finds Chris and Des, who are dancing in the square and having a merry old time. 

This is going to be such a buzzkill. Minus 12

Since he's caught up to them now, he asks Chris if he can have a minute with Des to talk and Chris is the gentlemen. He should've punched Bryden in the nose. THAT would've been good television.

  • Bryden Vukasin Photo
  • Chris Siegfried Photo

Chris gets to sit on a step alone while he's supposed to be having a good time with Desiree. 

Bryden tells Desiree she's a fantastic person and he considers her a friend, but this isn't the right thing for him. They part ways with a simple "Bye, Bryden" and she heads back to Chris. So that's that. Plus 4 for not dragging it out.

Bryden heads to a one-on-one and says he feels like he made the right decision. Desiree heads to a one-on-one and says she questions all the guys who are here and wonders if they're all just going to pack up and leave on her.

No, Des. Probably not. 

Chris asks her if she wants to talk about it and she doesn't really but she sort of does talk about it and good gracious, how awkward. So. Awkward. 

She's essentially dating, what, 14 guys at the same time, and she's having a conversation about a break-up with one guy with another guy she's dating. Plus 15 to Chris for actually having that conversation and handling it.

She says Bryden leaving broke her heart and I my eyes rolled so far back in my face they're probably stuck there. They barely knew each other.

Bachelorette Fun

The guys get the group date card and find out that Michael and Ben get the two-on-one date. So that's definitely going to be fun.

Michael calls himself a gladiator ready to murder Ben. CAT FIGHT! Plus 7

Still on their date, Chris and Des head to dinner in a palace. She says she feels like a princess. I'm surprised she doesn't say she's living a fairy tale.

Chris compliments her on how well she handled the Bryden thing and she calls him sincere and genuine and says she can just tell. Then he says something about not having to worry about going to bed or brushing his teeth and it feels like he's 12.

He's ready to be in a relationship and start a family. His last girlfriend wasn't ready for that. Des wants someone who is good at paying compliments and expressing himself.

And Chris has another poem ready for her. Plus 12.

She cries. They kiss. I blame the wine. Or the cheese.

He lists the characteristics he's looking for in a girl: versatile, witty, etc. and never mentions anything about looks. Plus 15. Looks are important, but not everything, and there's inevitably a dude in this group who puts looks at the top of the list.

It's the summer concert series on ABC as Matt White just happens to show up at the palace in Munich to serenade them with a private show.

Bachelorette Fun

The guys suit up for the group date and meet Desiree on the top of a mountain. They'll be doing snow-y things. Like sledding. Down the highest peak in Germany.

Brooks better watch out. He and the extreme sports don't get along so well. 

Seeing the snow on the TV when it's 90 outside is great because I almost feel cooler. Plus 2

On the observation deck at the top of this mountain, they can see Germany and Austria. And they can hear a yodeler. 

The guys take turns attempting to yodel for Desiree. By this point, they know that the way to her heart is to make giant fools of themselves. 

After yodeling lessons, they head to the sleds. Kasey crashes into Des and she takes it in stride. Then there's a giant snowball fight that takes Desiree back to her childhood. Plus 4

This, Germany, is apparently the happiest place on Earth. Euro Disney probably disagrees.

Back at the suite, Chris mediates a very awkward tension between Michael and Ben and Michael thinks Desiree has chosen him to go on the date with Ben because she "trusts him to expose Ben for the fraud he is."

Something tells me the producers made this call and not Des, but go on with that thought, Michael.

Desiree in Germany

People. There's an ice hotel. AN ICE HOTEL. It's basically awesome! Plus 10.

She tells the seven guys on the group date that if they don't think they feel it, they need to tell her and not waste her time. Brooks knows this isn't a waste of his time.

He snags her for the first private chat and does a lot of talking with his hands and then she just mauls him with her face. Plus 7.

Mikey grabs her for the next mini-date and suggests they make miniature snowmen. They're talking about where they would settle down if they were together and what relationships are like and some other rambly something-or-other and Zak date-bombs them with some faux-yodeling.

Ten years ago, he made a huge life decision in Germany, so he feels like his life is coming full circle. In college, he thought he was going to be a priest, but after college, he went to Europe to discover himself. 

Desiree is on a similar mission now and Zak is positively giddy. It's cute. Plus 2.

James Case's confidence is spiking and the other guys think he was faking his low self-esteem. Brooks especially isn't a fan of James and the fact that he's a different way around her than he is with the guys.

Apparently he's vulgar and crass instead of charming and caring. Brooks sneaks down the ice hotel to watch them making out which is just kind of creepy and painful. Minus 8.

Desiree gives the group date rose to Brooks. Good call, Des. Great call, even. Plus 10.

Getting Carried Away

Ben and Michael prepare for their two-on-one date. Ben plans to pretend the date is just a date with he and Des and Michael's an awkward spectator. Then he says he's going to be a good Christian man about whatever Michael has to say that day.

Michael calls the day Armageddon. Because she wants to expose Ben and she wants Michael there to help her. 

Ratings totally have nothing to do with this. 

Ben and Michael climb into a limo together where they don't speak, obviously, and Ben smirks while Michael chews his jaws. 

Michael is putting Ben on trial and plans to find him guilty of fraud for impersonating a southern gentlemen. I can't even make this up. 

Des brought the guys thermoses of coffee. Michael drops some Deutsch on her "You look beautiful." Plus 3

Ben says "yeah, it is beautiful here."

Michael starts out with the confrontation and says that he occasionally likes confrontation, isn't that right Ben?

Des knows these two don't get along and plans to break the tension by telling them they're going to do the Polar Bear Plunge. But really she has a "hot tug" rented for the three of them. 

A "hot tug," in case you thought that was something way dirtier than it actually is, is a hot tub heated by a wood fire and tugged around a freezing lake behind a boat.

Sign me up.

Ben doesn't answer questions straight and plays both sides of the fence. He never talks about his son unless it suits his purpose, so Michael just asks the questions that make him have to talk about his son.

Then Michael drops the "I grew up with an absentee father" card and Des gets uncomfortable because she knows she's stuck in the middle of their sword fight. 

Michael's tactics might be backfiring. Minus 9.

Desiree H.

Drew, Chris, Kasey, and Brooks have a pow-wow back at the suite. One of them overheard a conversation between Mikey and James.

It seems Ben's not the only one pretending to be there for all the right reasons.

James sees this as a stepping stone in his life and sees fame and not Des as the ultimate prize. Minus 25​.

Brooks suggests that there's a chance there will be zero guys left at the final rose ceremony and that scares him.

At dinner, Michael just point-blank asks Ben why he seems to have so much trouble with the other guys in the house. Ben tells Desiree that he's not here for the guys in the house. He's there for her.

Des squashes the conversation and then asks what traditions the guys would like to start with their own families. Ben wants every Sunday to be family day. They'll go to church together and just spend the day together.

Apparently, they were in Germany over Easter and Ben is the only guy of a very religiously diverse group of guys who didn't attend a service. Because the service was Catholic and in German.

Ben uses his son as the reason he didn't go. He couldn't go with his family or his son and didn't even try to talk to his son on Easter and when Michael calls him out on that, he has to excuse himself. 

Michael has quite the smug look on his face and Des tells him he didn't have to do that here. That he made her uncomfortable and didn't have to question Ben that aggressively.

Come on, Des. He's doing you a favor here. Minus 4

She doesn't see the qualities in either of them that she wants in the person she spends the rest of her life with.

Des on a Date

Ben is still collecting himself while Des and Michael eat. Michael knows he screwed up and Des goes to check on Ben. He says he's never had someone question his faith or his role as a father before and that's what got him upset.

They have a private conversation and she thinks he's a sweet guy who doesn't know how to express himself. So basically she's blind. Minus 23

Desiree questions Michael about Ben and about why Michael is so anti-Ben. He tells her how Ben is in the house and the things he says about publicity and his bar and not about his son and Michael still thinks there's a chance she'll choose Ben over him.

She thinks Ben is a good person and a good father. Conversation comes naturally with Michael, but maybe he's a little too outspoken.

And she sees a potential future with Michael and gives him the rose. Ben's going home. Plus 42.

He excuses himself from the table and she goes after him. He says she's making the wrong decision but he respects it. Then he gets in a limo and says he won't sit there and look unhappy because he's not. 

Michael apologizes for making things so awkward.

All of the guys are waiting to see who returns from the date and they see the concierge roll Ben's bags out of the suite. Plus 8.

His limo ride is crazy. He wants to go ahead and start dating. He wants to get drunk in Munich. He drops a lot of F bombs. Ben's cracked.

Ben Scott Photo

It's time for another cocktail party. Desiree's hair looks really great. She calls this, the fifth rose ceremony, a pivotal week and teases that she might do something different.

She and Chris Harrison have a sit-down where she talks about how beautiful Europe is and how cold it was. She thinks things are going great with the guys.

Chris asks which of the guy is the best kisser and she says she won't kiss and tell. So Chris asks which of the guys she'd like to kiss at that moment. Her first answer is Brooks. Then Zak. Plus 8.

Ultimately, she hopes she can trust the guys. And some of them have a bombshell to drop on her tonight.

For all future episodes, every time anyone says "for all the right reasons" everybody needs to take a drink. Immediately.

Des tells Chris that she doesn't feel the need to have a cocktail party at all. She wants to go straight to the rose ceremony.

She announces that they're skipping straight to the ceremony and Drew is visibly shaken by not getting to talk to her first. Someone needs to get him a barf bag.

Joining Michael, Chris, and Brooks on the safety couch, Des gives roses to:

  • Zak
  • Kasey
  • Juan Pablo
  • Drew
  • James

She's sending Mikey T. back to Chicago. Drew is still flapping his gums about the fact that James is still there when what he doesn't realize is that he's also still there. Dude. There's always next week. Talk to her then.

Mikey thinks Des will regret sending him home. But no, she probably won't.

EPISODE TOTAL: +53! SEASON TOTAL: +260!

Review

Editor Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
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Thank God Ben is gone, overbearing phony. Bryden did her a great favor, he would have required way to much attention as a husband. He was also rude to do that to Chris.

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this was on the Hintertux Glacier, Austria!!

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