The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: From Miss Piggy to Mickey Roarke

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The Real Housewives of Orange County returned last week with a baby and a whimper.

Tonight, Vicki's "work" is a hot topic for discussion and there's enough Jim and Alexis to make us all want to take a scalding hot shower to burn the ick off our skin.

Plus, Heather will try to broker a peace agreement between Vicki and Tamra.

You know, just another day in Orange County!

The Real Housewives of Orange County Season 8 Cast

At Casa Dubrow, the ladies have gathered for a clambake. Gretchen breaks the ice with Vicki first by asking about her new grandson Troy and Briana. Plus 5 Gretchen! Atta girl.

Tamra's not really interested in having a conversation with Vicki, but is certainly interested in talking about Vicki's recent plastic surgery. Not like she's never had any work done.

Pot and kettle and such. Minus 7.

Terry. Love the man. "Asking a woman if she's had plastic surgery is like asking your wife if she's gained weight. You just don't do it." Plus 20

Vicki believes that Heather has brought she and Tamra together because she wants them to be friends again. Vicki apparently didn't see the pool and landscaping Heather and Terry had done when they were summering in the Hamptons which is the real reason they're having a clambake in Orange County. 

Tamra and Eddie don't have a date set for their wedding. They've been engaged eight months already. Tamra says they're trying to get their business off the ground first, but the real reason they don't have a date set is because Eddie won't give her one. Minus 12.

Best line of the night goes to Heather, when telling Tamra how to eat lobster: "Chew, chew, chew from the outside, and it'll come in your mouth." Hmmm, Heather. Something tells me if you're using your teeth, you're doing it wrong? Plus 75 for hilarity. The look on her face when she realized what she'd said was priceless.

Heather and Gretchen

Vicki throws out an "I really love onion rings with this type of food" and Heather immediately accuses Terry of planting the comment.

Gretchen and Vicki have a moment where Gretchen asks Vicki about Brooks and Vicki launches into the story of how it was just so hard that no one liked him. Gretchen's reply? "Now you know how I felt two years ago." Well played, Gretchen. Plus 8.

Tamra doesn't like that Gretchen and Vicki seem chummy and Vicki mocks the friendship bracelet Tamra gave Gretchen last year. Vicki brings up the infamous "Evil Eye" and accuses Tamra of staring her down again.

And so it begins, right?

It seems that Vicki and Tamra are going to have an adult conversation about what was actually the cause of their falling out: Tamra's friendship with Gretchen. 

Tamra walks away from the table and Vicki vows not to follow. Heather, Hostess with the Mostest, goes after her. Vicki and Gretchen keep talking at the table and Vicki says Tamra's "mean when she gets mad."

Heather, meanwhile, is counseling Tamra not to be a hothead. If Heather's acting career doesn't pan out....oh, wait. Plus 10 for good advice.

Terry keeps bringing up the onion rings. Heather keeps wanting to stab him with a fork. Minus 9.

Jim and Alexis are on a date. They're going to take ballroom dancing lessons. It would be sweet if he weren't such a disgusting man. 

Alexis Bellino Hair

Alexis says that last year they lost a lot of money on a home and no one knew about it. As a result, Jim felt like a failure and she was too busy with her dress lines and career as a "news anchor" to fix his emotional issues. 

She says they're closer now than they were last year and then tells him he's getting lucky. The whole thing was kind of sweet but then it's Jim. He's so... Jim. 

The party has moved to the rec room at Casa Dubrow. There's coffee and dessert and, of course, more wine and "champs." 

Tamra gets notice that her permits for her fitness studio have been approved. She's the owner of a gym and Eddie's boss. Plus 10.

Heather's trying to push Tamra and Vicki to talk things out. Tamra says they never talk about things. They just put band-aids on their problems and leave them alone, but no more. If they're going to be friends, they have to talk things out. Plus 5.

So they lock themselves into a wine cellar to chat. Which is exactly the place two semi-drunk women need to go to have an emotional conversation. 

Gretchen thinks Vicki will try to make the conversation all about her, but Tamra doesn't let her. Tamra points out that Vicki's not good at reading people when they say what she wants to hear. Vicki admits that she remembers when they were both still married and how good things seemed then and says that she misses that.

It's apologies all around, with a healthy dose of "but I don't think I can trust her." So, sort of apologies? 

Pic of Tamra Barney

Gretchen seems to be undoing the good that Tamra and Vicki have just done because she doesn't like Vicki and is worried that if Vicki and Tamra become friends again, Gretchen will be left out in the cold.  Minus 15, Gretch. Insecurity's not becoming.

Jim and Alexis have started a new business. An indoor trampoline park, Sky Zone. Of all the businesses they've been in, at least this one seems fun. Plus 8.

Alexis is, like, the spokesperson for Sky Zone, which, I mean, she guesses, means she talks about, like, Sky Zone.  Minus 8 for the ditz.

Alexis says that Jim has always been supportive of what she's done, except I seem to recall him being incredibly UNsupportive last year. Minus 4 for selective memory.

Slade's a radio host and Gretchen's proud of her man for being gainfully employed. Plus 5.

He goes on the radio to bring up Miss Piggy-gate and compares Vicki to Mickey Roarke now that she's had her surgery. He just cannot leave her alone. Minus 12

Now that Slade is making the dolla dolla bills and paying off his debts, Gretchen's hearing wedding bells. Or that's her ovaries.

Gretchen Rossi Red Carpet Pose

Vicki's in the middle of a full-home renovation now that Donn has moved out and Briana has moved in. Briana's frustrated with the remodel not realizing that at least in part it's because she and baby Troy and daddy have moved in. Minus 10

Briana says she's cutting her mom some slack, however, now that she knows how hard it is to be a mom. Plus 8.

Weird Jim alert: He tries on Alexis' flip flops. Just to test the cushiony factor. Minus 8.

Eddie and Tamra are trying to decorate. She's making canvases of all of her childrens' handprints and Eddie suggests they also do the dog's paw prints. It's kind of sweet. Plus 8.

And then it gets not so sweet. Eddie brings up the conversation with Vicki. Tamra says that in her heart she feels like Vicki is her family and Eddie gives her a serious side-eye. He doesn't trust Vicki.

He "highly recommends" that Tamra doesn't let Vicki back in. Just like Gretchen told her. His final on-camera words to her about the whole situation are "be careful."

EPISODE TOTAL: +77! SEASON TOTAL: +114!

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Alexis, stay away from poison dwarf Tamra, rotten to the core, only wants Vicky back because she talks to you, she did the same with the other lady she chucked drink over. Gretchen you should be ashamed of yourself Alexis stuck up for you when the poison dwarf was evil and hated you. Alexis just ignore the evil one, your a bit dopey but real harm in you.

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Tamara is a dumb bitch she used a racist word about her boyfriend typical cracker how does it feel to be put in a group

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@ Brenda

Is Eddie gay ?

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who will take the vacuum cleaner by the hand?
.........HOUSEWIVES?

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@ abe

My snooping around the blogosphere in 2012 certainly seems to suggest there is at least a 50-50 chance the rumors are true that Eddie is indeed gay. Which begs the question, "How will the story line about the pending marriage play out?" My money says it never happens. In fact, how do we know that this is not the last season?

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@ abe

My snooping around the blogosphere in 2012 certainly seems to suggest there is at least a 50-50 chance the rumors are true that Eddie is indeed gay. Which begs the question, "How will the story line about the pending marriage play out?" My money says it never happens. In fact, how do we know that this is not the last season?