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She’s been free since 2011, but Amanda Knox is still paralyzed.

Having spent four years living in Italian prison for murder she maintains she never committed, she still faces moments of crippling anxiety to this day.

Knox, who has penned a memoir, Waiting to be Heard, tells People a bit about what it was like after she was charged with killing Meredith Kercher.

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“When Meredith was murdered and I was arrested, it was shocking. It was paralyzing. Everything toppled,” says Knox, who still feels that way at times.

 

She also shared the overwhelming joy of being set free after an appeals court overturned the charges in 2011, though she now faces a new trial.

As such, and in general, Amanda Knox is still haunted by the ordeal.

These days she is back at college, dating her hometown boyfriend and relishing every minute she gets to spend with her large and loving family,

“Things creep up on me and all of a sudden I’m overwhelmed by the feeling of helplessness and that desperation and fear to even hope,” she says.

“It makes my heart race and makes me paralyzed until I can breathe it away.”

Knox’s book comes out on April 30.