Kourtney & Kim Take Miami Recap: Jonathan Cheban Gets Slapped, Kim Has No Mercy

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If you thought hornball Scott putting the moves on Khloe was enough faux drama for the week on Kourtney & Kim Take Miami, you thought wrong!

KKTM ran it back for a special Monday episode this week, as well! Because who can get enough of them, honestly. Sure as heck not the THG staff.

Jonathan Cheban Gets Slapped

What contrived nonsense awaited E! viewers this time around? Specifically, why did Jonathan Cheban get slapped by an irate Kardashian sister?

Find out now in THG's Kourtney & Kim Take Miami recap!

During a photo shoot for UK Cosmopolitan, Kim and Khloe discuss filling out the magazine's questionnaire re: what Kim would do if she was a man.

"If I was a man, I would want to know what it's like to have sex with myself," Kim told her sister. "I would just want to know what it would feel like."

Even Kim herself wishes she were Ray J sometimes. Plus 850.

Later, Kourtney was absent from an Australian radio interview to launch a new Kardashian Kollection line, forcing Kim to do an impression of her.

"Ever since Kourtney has had the two babies, she has tried to bail out of work situations," declared Kim, who is of course pregnant herself now.

Is Kourtney really slacking? Kim and Khlo seem to think so.

"This isn't the fun glamorous stuff," said Khloe. "Kourt loves being home with her babies, being around her kids, I get it. But this is work and we have to do it."

Gotta love when they whine about "work." Minus 50.

The situation was pushed even further when Kourtney left a shoot early to take baby Penelope home, then when Kim's BFF decided to get into it.

Kourt didn't like hearing that she needs to step up.

"You’re shoved so far up Kim’s ass," Kourtney told Jonathan Cheban, adding, with astonishing creativity, "You’re such a f--king loser." Minus 100.

His retort? "At least my job is not collecting Kim’s money as it falls out of her ass. Without Kim, you’d be nothing!" Fight! Fight! Fight! Minus 100.

And the coup de grace: "Scott's never going to marry you!"

SLAP.

The two did talk things out and reconcile by the end of the episode, but the damage was already done. To their integrity, if not Jonathan's face.

Kourtney Tweeted that it was "so much fun" slapping Jonathan. Awesome. Promoting violence to millions of fans. Well done Kourt. Minus 360.

Kim: OMG!

Heated, Cheban threatened to press charges against the mother-of-two. "That's a sick b!tch," he angrily told Kim, earning Plus 50 for not holding back.

Kourtney did realize that perhaps he was right about one thing, though.

"I understand why Kim and Khloe think I am cherry picking work situations,' she confessed. "But I have a family. They are my first priority." Plus 10.

"I do agree that I was taking advantage of my sisters. I'm sorry." Plus 40.

Khloe made Kourtney act like a dog in order for her to accept her apology. That's just degrading. Scott already treats her like one ... now Khloe too? Minus 50.

For his part, Jonathan also apologized for the "bad things" he said and promised not to interfere in Kardashian business again. Beef quashed. Plus 30.

"I let my hormones get the best of me," admitted Kourtney to Kim's BFF. That must be her excuse every time she drops her pants for Scott, too.

Anyway, Kim decided to consult a doctor over her sneezing, runny nose and tight throat ... sorry, we're not even going to touch that one right now.

She agreed to undergo an allergy test which meant a doctor pricking Kim Kardashian nude a lot. Sorry, we just can't resist sometimes. Plus 100.

Turns out Kim's allergic to her little cat, Mercy.

Reluctant to go through allergy shots, Kim tries some other coping methods, including not touching Mercy, grooming her and using a new shampoo.

Nothing works.

"I don't want to get rid of her - she's the cutest thing ever," complained Kim before deciding it's "for the best" to give her to Khloe's cat loving assistant Sydney.

For the best, indeed. Plus 30. And RIP Mercy.

Finally, Khloe is turning into a Cuban coffee crack addict, and for that, we can only say condolences to those who have to be around Khloe. Minus 20.

EPISODE TOTAL: +430! SEASON TOTAL: +608!

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I am so glad that Jonathan told her off. He told her exactly what she needed to hear. That actually goes for all of them. Did you notice Khloe didn't say a thing(she knows that without Kim they would not be where they are). I think what pushed Jonathan over the edge is when he saw Kim's tiny room compared to Kourtney's room(remember Kim paid for the house). Kourtney can also go back to work because Scott should be watching those kids(he doesn't work).I saw so many people's reaction on twitter and they were so happy that Jonathan told her off.What's sad is that she's so resentful of Kim that she tries to bully her.

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