Kourtney & Kim Take Miami Recap: Jonathan Cheban Gets Slapped, Kim Has No Mercy

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If you thought hornball Scott putting the moves on Khloe was enough faux drama for the week on Kourtney & Kim Take Miami, you thought wrong!

KKTM ran it back for a special Monday episode this week, as well! Because who can get enough of them, honestly. Sure as heck not the THG staff.

Jonathan Cheban Gets Slapped

What contrived nonsense awaited E! viewers this time around? Specifically, why did Jonathan Cheban get slapped by an irate Kardashian sister?

Find out now in THG's Kourtney & Kim Take Miami recap!

During a photo shoot for UK Cosmopolitan, Kim and Khloe discuss filling out the magazine's questionnaire re: what Kim would do if she was a man.

"If I was a man, I would want to know what it's like to have sex with myself," Kim told her sister. "I would just want to know what it would feel like."

Even Kim herself wishes she were Ray J sometimes. Plus 850.

Later, Kourtney was absent from an Australian radio interview to launch a new Kardashian Kollection line, forcing Kim to do an impression of her.

"Ever since Kourtney has had the two babies, she has tried to bail out of work situations," declared Kim, who is of course pregnant herself now.

Is Kourtney really slacking? Kim and Khlo seem to think so.

"This isn't the fun glamorous stuff," said Khloe. "Kourt loves being home with her babies, being around her kids, I get it. But this is work and we have to do it."

Gotta love when they whine about "work." Minus 50.

The situation was pushed even further when Kourtney left a shoot early to take baby Penelope home, then when Kim's BFF decided to get into it.

Kourt didn't like hearing that she needs to step up.

"You’re shoved so far up Kim’s ass," Kourtney told Jonathan Cheban, adding, with astonishing creativity, "You’re such a f--king loser." Minus 100.

His retort? "At least my job is not collecting Kim’s money as it falls out of her ass. Without Kim, you’d be nothing!" Fight! Fight! Fight! Minus 100.

And the coup de grace: "Scott's never going to marry you!"

SLAP.

The two did talk things out and reconcile by the end of the episode, but the damage was already done. To their integrity, if not Jonathan's face.

Kourtney Tweeted that it was "so much fun" slapping Jonathan. Awesome. Promoting violence to millions of fans. Well done Kourt. Minus 360.

Kim: OMG!

Heated, Cheban threatened to press charges against the mother-of-two. "That's a sick b!tch," he angrily told Kim, earning Plus 50 for not holding back.

Kourtney did realize that perhaps he was right about one thing, though.

"I understand why Kim and Khloe think I am cherry picking work situations,' she confessed. "But I have a family. They are my first priority." Plus 10.

"I do agree that I was taking advantage of my sisters. I'm sorry." Plus 40.

Khloe made Kourtney act like a dog in order for her to accept her apology. That's just degrading. Scott already treats her like one ... now Khloe too? Minus 50.

For his part, Jonathan also apologized for the "bad things" he said and promised not to interfere in Kardashian business again. Beef quashed. Plus 30.

"I let my hormones get the best of me," admitted Kourtney to Kim's BFF. That must be her excuse every time she drops her pants for Scott, too.

Anyway, Kim decided to consult a doctor over her sneezing, runny nose and tight throat ... sorry, we're not even going to touch that one right now.

She agreed to undergo an allergy test which meant a doctor pricking Kim Kardashian nude a lot. Sorry, we just can't resist sometimes. Plus 100.

Turns out Kim's allergic to her little cat, Mercy.

Reluctant to go through allergy shots, Kim tries some other coping methods, including not touching Mercy, grooming her and using a new shampoo.

Nothing works.

"I don't want to get rid of her - she's the cutest thing ever," complained Kim before deciding it's "for the best" to give her to Khloe's cat loving assistant Sydney.

For the best, indeed. Plus 30. And RIP Mercy.

Finally, Khloe is turning into a Cuban coffee crack addict, and for that, we can only say condolences to those who have to be around Khloe. Minus 20.

EPISODE TOTAL: +430! SEASON TOTAL: +608!

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I can not believe that kim did not tell this person to not call her sister bitch. I have four sisters and I would not allow anyone to call my.sister a bitch. Lost respect for.kim

Maria-flores
@ Donna

Kim did not stick up for Kourtney because Jonathan said the kinds of things Kim likes to hear and believe..."Without Kim you would be nothing". Kim fancies herself to be just as great as sliced bread!

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@ Donna

Jonathan was totally in his right to call her that. She is nothing but mean to Kim. She holds a ton of resentment towards Kim and blatantly bullies her. So yes Jonathan did what needed to be done. Kim and Khloe were giving her cut$$$ for not working and she acted like her and loser Scott leased the house whereas it was Kim who leased the house and got the smallest room in it.

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Kourtney got exactly what she deserved. She uses her kids for every excuse to get out of something. It is true, without Kim, they would be nothing. Koutney is VERY selfish and expects everyone to do what she wants because she is the oldest. She needs to stop using the kids to get everything she wants. Scott could have stayed in her room for the time being. Kim gives in to easy. This family is suffocating.

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@ catlady123

@catlady that's not true Dash started because of kourtney. But since we being real and honest Kim wouldn't be nothing if it wasnt for that sex tape with Ray j

Avatar

Kourtney got exactly what she deserved. She uses her kids for every excuse to get out of something. It is true, without Kim, they would be nothing. Koutney is VERY selfish and expects everyone to do what she wants because she is the oldest. She needs to stop using the kids to get everything she wants. Scott could have stayed in her room for the time being. Kim gives in to easy. This family is suffocating.

Avatar

Kourtney got exactly what she deserved. She uses her kids for every excuse to get out of something. It is true, without Kim, they would be nothing. Koutney is VERY selfish and expects everyone to do what she wants because she is the oldest. She needs to stop using the kids to get everything she wants. Scott could have stayed in her room for the time being. Kim gives in to easy. This family is suffocating.

Avatar

Kourtney got exactly what she deserved. She uses her kids for every excuse to get out of something. It is true, without Kim, they would be nothing. Koutney is VERY selfish and expects everyone to do what she wants because she is the oldest. She needs to stop using the kids to get everything she wants. Scott could have stayed in her room for the time being. Kim gives in to easy. This family is suffocating.

Avatar

Kourtney got exactly what she deserved. She uses her kids for every excuse to get out of something. It is true, without Kim, they would be nothing. Koutney is VERY selfish and expects everyone to do what she wants because she is the oldest. She needs to stop using the kids to get everything she wants. Scott could have stayed in her room for the time being. Kim gives in to easy. This family is suffocating.

Avatar

Kourtney got exactly what she deserved. She uses her kids for every excuse to get out of something. It is true, without Kim, they would be nothing. Koutney is VERY selfish and expects everyone to do what she wants because she is the oldest. She needs to stop using the kids to get everything she wants. Scott could have stayed in her room for the time being. Kim gives in to easy. This family is suffocating.

Avatar

Kourtney got exactly what she deserved. She uses her kids for every excuse to get out of something. It is true, without Kim, they would be nothing. Koutney is VERY selfish and expects everyone to do what she wants because she is the oldest. She needs to stop using the kids to get everything she wants. Scott could have stayed in her room for the time being. Kim gives in to easy. This family is suffocating.

Avatar

Kourtney got exactly what she deserved. She uses her kids for every excuse to get out of something. It is true, without Kim, they would be nothing. Koutney is VERY selfish and expects everyone to do what she wants because she is the oldest. She needs to stop using the kids to get everything she wants. Scott could have stayed in her room for the time being. Kim gives in to easy. This family is suffocating.

Avatar

Kourtney got exactly what she deserved. She uses her kids for every excuse to get out of something. It is true, without Kim, they would be nothing. Koutney is VERY selfish and expects everyone to do what she wants because she is the oldest. She needs to stop using the kids to get everything she wants. Scott could have stayed in her room for the time being. Kim gives in to easy. This family is suffocating.

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