Kourtney & Kim Take Miami Recap: Jonathan Cheban Gets Slapped, Kim Has No Mercy

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If you thought hornball Scott putting the moves on Khloe was enough faux drama for the week on Kourtney & Kim Take Miami, you thought wrong!

KKTM ran it back for a special Monday episode this week, as well! Because who can get enough of them, honestly. Sure as heck not the THG staff.

Jonathan Cheban Gets Slapped

What contrived nonsense awaited E! viewers this time around? Specifically, why did Jonathan Cheban get slapped by an irate Kardashian sister?

Find out now in THG's Kourtney & Kim Take Miami recap!

During a photo shoot for UK Cosmopolitan, Kim and Khloe discuss filling out the magazine's questionnaire re: what Kim would do if she was a man.

"If I was a man, I would want to know what it's like to have sex with myself," Kim told her sister. "I would just want to know what it would feel like."

Even Kim herself wishes she were Ray J sometimes. Plus 850.

Later, Kourtney was absent from an Australian radio interview to launch a new Kardashian Kollection line, forcing Kim to do an impression of her.

"Ever since Kourtney has had the two babies, she has tried to bail out of work situations," declared Kim, who is of course pregnant herself now.

Is Kourtney really slacking? Kim and Khlo seem to think so.

"This isn't the fun glamorous stuff," said Khloe. "Kourt loves being home with her babies, being around her kids, I get it. But this is work and we have to do it."

Gotta love when they whine about "work." Minus 50.

The situation was pushed even further when Kourtney left a shoot early to take baby Penelope home, then when Kim's BFF decided to get into it.

Kourt didn't like hearing that she needs to step up.

"You’re shoved so far up Kim’s ass," Kourtney told Jonathan Cheban, adding, with astonishing creativity, "You’re such a f--king loser." Minus 100.

His retort? "At least my job is not collecting Kim’s money as it falls out of her ass. Without Kim, you’d be nothing!" Fight! Fight! Fight! Minus 100.

And the coup de grace: "Scott's never going to marry you!"

SLAP.

The two did talk things out and reconcile by the end of the episode, but the damage was already done. To their integrity, if not Jonathan's face.

Kourtney Tweeted that it was "so much fun" slapping Jonathan. Awesome. Promoting violence to millions of fans. Well done Kourt. Minus 360.

Kim: OMG!

Heated, Cheban threatened to press charges against the mother-of-two. "That's a sick b!tch," he angrily told Kim, earning Plus 50 for not holding back.

Kourtney did realize that perhaps he was right about one thing, though.

"I understand why Kim and Khloe think I am cherry picking work situations,' she confessed. "But I have a family. They are my first priority." Plus 10.

"I do agree that I was taking advantage of my sisters. I'm sorry." Plus 40.

Khloe made Kourtney act like a dog in order for her to accept her apology. That's just degrading. Scott already treats her like one ... now Khloe too? Minus 50.

For his part, Jonathan also apologized for the "bad things" he said and promised not to interfere in Kardashian business again. Beef quashed. Plus 30.

"I let my hormones get the best of me," admitted Kourtney to Kim's BFF. That must be her excuse every time she drops her pants for Scott, too.

Anyway, Kim decided to consult a doctor over her sneezing, runny nose and tight throat ... sorry, we're not even going to touch that one right now.

She agreed to undergo an allergy test which meant a doctor pricking Kim Kardashian nude a lot. Sorry, we just can't resist sometimes. Plus 100.

Turns out Kim's allergic to her little cat, Mercy.

Reluctant to go through allergy shots, Kim tries some other coping methods, including not touching Mercy, grooming her and using a new shampoo.

Nothing works.

"I don't want to get rid of her - she's the cutest thing ever," complained Kim before deciding it's "for the best" to give her to Khloe's cat loving assistant Sydney.

For the best, indeed. Plus 30. And RIP Mercy.

Finally, Khloe is turning into a Cuban coffee crack addict, and for that, we can only say condolences to those who have to be around Khloe. Minus 20.

EPISODE TOTAL: +430! SEASON TOTAL: +608!

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You can digg it here: Kim Kardashian Sex Tape (full version)

Kourtney & Kim Take Miami Recap: Jonathan Cheban Gets Slapped, Kim Has No Mercy
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however,it wasn't chaban's call to make..if kim an khloe arent happy with kourt's behavior they should be the ones to approche her,not some friend insider,you don't allow people who don't know whats really going on to call your sister the b word no matter what..that was wrong kim!khloe,you as one of your sister's close friends should not just laugh things off,friendship it's much more than that, it's you being able to tell one another when there's poop and when it smells..yet for kourtney,indeed she's kind mean to kim at times. How do you plan on getting your own life when you allow other people to afford for your own expensive?after that how do you expect people not to call you selfish?making kim feel guilty for something that you brough upon yourself was very mean and selfish from you! Yet 4 chaban again,dude since you seem to think you got it all on theses women,you should have known better that these kardashian women break up and make up all the time so then now you know what a fool you've made of yourself and i kid you not!lol

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That Jonathan is so far up Kim's ass he can't even see straight anymore... That slap was hell of weak though, he had no fucking right to go insulting someone else's sister like that... Fucking wannabe

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khloe is my fav among the kardashan because shes her seif talented, talkative, intertaining and also good looking.

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LOL! when kourtney slapped Jonathan it was funny. i couldnt stop laughing. maybe that will him teach him not to get involved in anybody's Bizz. Lesson to be learned. kourtney i knw Khole's like that 2. WHAT ABOUT KIM? HAHAHAHA!

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It's actually humorous how Jonathan thinks Kim made the Kardashians and that Kourtney would be nothing without Kim. Kourtney was the only one who went to college and has a legit degree. Before Kim released her sex tape, Kourtney was running a business. Without that sex tape Kim would've been a nobody. Kim is the money maker in her family because of her fat ass and huge titties and because she's a media whore. Hardly do we ever see Kourtney or Khloe do anything that's not a part of their brand. I'm pretty sure that Kourtney would be fine if she weren't a celebrity because she still has her boutiques to worry about unlike Kim.

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Fake as ever. All scripted. They were even laughing while fighting.

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Kourtney thinks the only thing important to be a good mom is how u take care of ur kids. Motherhood is much more than that its also about the partner u choose and she has a man she wont let out the house for fear he will go wild and he doesn't have to work and on the last episode she said they want a third child and I guess continue using Kim. U could clearly tell kourtney has a distorted sense of what being a good parent is

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I didn't realize how unfiltered and ghetto kourtney was until this season. From breast feeding any where to not wearing deodorant and think its OK to force everyone else to deal with that. The ultimate was Rob telling Kim to rent a house after Kim had already expressed to kourtney she didn't want to and Scot making slick remarks take the master bedroom while they pit Kim a box made me see kourtney Scot and rob in a different light

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I think Jonathan deserved to get slapped. I would fucking kill a guy that would have the nerve to talk to me like that in my own home. Jonathan is an ass-kissing loser and needs to get a girlfriend/boyfriend and stop being a fame-chaser. Nobody likes you bro! I can't believe her loser sisters didn't stand up for her.

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@ lmfao

That's not Kourtney's home. Kim rented the home. Kim's name is on the lease.

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@ jay

...doesn't matter who's house it is - he should not have come over there talking smack! So he GOT smacked!!!

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