The Real Housewives of Miami Recap: The Evil Side of the Sofa

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The Real Housewives of Miami come back for the second and thankfully, the final "Reunion" show of the season because who can get enough of women dressed in sequins screeching obscenities at one another from cushy sofas?

We run down all the rehashing and rumors in THG's +/- recap!

The Evil Side

We jump back in to the fight between Adriana and Joanna. Adriana claims Joe Francis gave her the whole sordid scoop and Joanna's a whore. Minus 15.

Well, if Joe Francis said it how could it not be true?

Joanna sets the record straight. She was a cohost for a Girls Gone Wild video, she starred in a tickle fetish video when she was 19 and she's posed nude for Playboy twice.  Does that make her a whore?  Hmm…she won't be winning any purity awards but labeling her a whore is taking it a bit far.

Of course she does have issues with people stealing her naked image for their own use…I bet!  Marysol wonders why she never has these problem. Minus 10. I think she's joking but with Marysol it can be a little hard to tell. Maybe it's all of the Botox.

The conversation turns back to the slap heard throughout Miami and Joanna says she regrets having too much to drink. Adriana admits she regrets having gotten physical with her and Plus 20 as a moment of Kumbaya is born.

Of course this is The Real Housewives so it doesn't last long.

Alexia graces us with her presence. Minus 18. I was kind of grateful we had so little of her this season although I am sorry that it took her son's accident to keep her away.

Plus 30 that it sounds like he's recovering better than anyone expected.

But let's talk about his older brother, Peter. Alexia says that his brother's accident affected him so badly that it caused the 20 year to go out and beat up a homeless man, record the incident and post it on Facebook.  Minus 40.

Alexia says he's made some bad decisions. Ya think? 

And just when I think no one can show more cleavage than Ana on this reunion show, Alexia proves me wrong. Minus 13. If she wants to show that much of her breasts in public why doesn't she just take her top off completely? There really isn't much else to hide.

Speaking of Ana, when did she become such a b*tch?  All season long, all she did was sob about her ex but now all she does is snark at Lea about her age. Minus 11 because her "old and the restless" comments are already tiresome. 

Alexia, Ana, and Marysol jump back on the we hate Karent bandwagon for one last ride but this time Karent has some vindication.  The blogger who posted the "Botox for brains" comments that had everyone in such an uproar has supposedly retracted those statements saying they didn't come from Karent.

Plus 20. At least Adriana has the decency to apologize.  The evil threesome just huddle on their sofa looking for other reasons to hate Karent and her wicked smile.

They continue to bash Karent and Rodolfo even though the two are broken up. Ana claims everyone in Miami knows Rodolfo is really gay but ten minutes earlier she said he was in to 24 year old women. Minus 15. Which is it?

Nevermind. As long as the Latin soap star is long gone, I don't really care.

Thankfully the end is near.

  • Lisa and Lenny are still working on having a baby.
  • Karent promises to keep on smiling.
  • Ana may still be in love with her ex and I still don't care.
  • Marysol swears she's moved on from Phillipe.
  • Adriana is still planning a Spring wedding.
  • And now that  Joanna and Romain are on again, she wants the fairy tale wedding of her dreams.

Lastly, Lea proclaims that reality TV brings out the best or the worst in people.  Minus 12. Did I miss the best somewhere?

Oh, and Momma Elsa makes an appearance and tells Andy she feels lots of false energy coming off of those sofas.  Plus 18. I can't say she's wrong there but I don't think it took any psychic powers to figure it out.

And with that the screeching ceases…until next season.

EPISODE TOTAL = -46! SEASON TOTAL: -382!

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